What would you think she meant by this?

[IcedCoffeeAlways]

DH told me about a conversation he’d had with his mum the other day. He’s still annoyed about her comment and won’t drop the issue, and tbh, I’m a bit unsure what she meant by it too 😬

According to DH, he mentioned us looking at moving house and the conversation then went:

MIL: Ohh, you’re not happy here?
DH: we love this house, but it’s not very practical for having more than one child in so we’d rather move before we try for more
MIL: Ohhhh...you’re still considering more?!
DH: Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?
MIL: Oh...no reason...I just thought that having X (our DS1) would probably have really put you off trying for any more!!
DH: what’s that meant to mean? What’s wrong with X?!
MIL: Nothing, forget I mentioned it.

She then refused to discuss it further and left soon after.
If that’s exactly what was said (obviously I’m going from what DH told me) then would you take that to mean that she thought DS was a horror?! 🙈

Not necessarily a horror but I would assume she meant he was loud / energetic / exhausting.

Sounds like she thinks your child is particularly hard work.

I'd take that to mean she thinks be our DS is badly behaved / a horror / a disappointment. I'd also assume she's been waiting for the opportunity to say it, and this was it.

How.fucking.dare.she.

She may have just meant the reality of having a baby. I know if my DD ever has one (unlikely), the experience would totally put her off having more.

I think she's seeing it from the point of view of an older woman who doesn't think she'd personally be able to cope with a toddler again, rather than a parent of young children. Before I get slated, I'm probably OP's MIL's age, though I don't have grandchildren yet.

Did you have a bad birth or pregnancy? That's the only other explanation I can think of

2 scenarios: either your child is hard work in her eyes
Or, she gets the impression you both, or 1 of you, find parenting hard work so didn't think you'd have more

I'd think similar probably UNLESS your dh was an only.child and in that case I'd say it's more of a reflection on how she found parenthood, ie SHE couldn't handle another pregnancy/birth/raising another childsi is surprised other people don't feel the same.

I'd take that to mean she thinks X is hard work. That doesn't nessercerily mean there's anything wrong with X, it could be that she's of the time when babies were fed on a schedule and left to cry. So maybe she's shocked by how much effort babies take when you respond to their needs instead of leave them in the pram at the bottom of the garden.

If you have her a child care sometimes she may be looking at it from her own perspective as an older woman. Maybe wondering how she herself will cope with two. As a grandma I wondered this myself but found it to be fine 😀

I wouldn’t be too sensitive as she may just think babies then toddlers are exhausting, nothing personal

@Nuttymonkey

2 scenarios: either your child is hard work in her eyes Or, she gets the impression you both, or 1 of you, find parenting hard work so didn't think you'd have more

I also think this.

@summercupcake That was my first thought but MIL don’t have the best relationship and I always tend to think the worst so thought I’d ask for opinions 😬 My DS is amazing - obviously I’m going to say that (PFB and all that 🤣) but he really is! He’s only 11 months, smashing all his milestones, such a happy and funny little boy! Took to weaning like a duck to water. Still wakes a few times a night wanting a wee cuddle but I’m fine with that 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MoreAloneTime I did consider that too. Thankfully I had a really good pregnancy. Had a longish induction and DS was a bigger baby but no interventions, home the day he was born and no stitches etc for me so a pretty good labour I’d say 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Rainbowsew He’s not an only child.

@Sprogonthetyne Maybe this actually!! She’s pretty young but she is very old school with her thoughts on how you should raise a child!

@shiningstar2 She’s not involved in any childcare. She has no interest in it at all. She pops round for an hour or 2 every couple of weeks and likes to sit and have lunch with DS and read him some books/sing some songs then she leaves.

@Nuttymonkey @nc87653 That could be it I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t think either of us have every mentioned finding it hard to her but maybe she can see it in our eyes 🤣🤣 I’m sure every new parent finds it a bit of a shock to the system but I feel like DH and I got into our own wee family rhythm pretty quickly 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wonder if it’s more of a projection thing. Maybe she found mothering small children hard, and thought that once you knew what it was really like, you’d not want to do it again?