How to stop worrying what people think about you

[GizmoIsSoFluffy]

Just that. Can't stop worrying that people judge me negatively all the time. I'm a quiet, shy person and get flustered talking, so think I come across as standoffish if I do say something. I like to think I'm anything but.

How old are you? I’m 52 now and care much less than I used to.

I'm the wrong side of 45. 5 or 6 years ago I had a course of CBT and some antidepressants for another issue but found that since then my confidence has increased and I'm back to thinking stuff others, I have my down days and dips in confidence every now and then but generally good. The CBT really helped as it reminded me that actually people are far to wrapped up in their own worlds and their own insecurities to be bothered about what you're up to

I'm also the wrong side of 45. 13 sessions of CBT in and I still worry 😥

I still worry but but I can cut it much shorter now after CBT.
How does it affect me if they think X about me?
Usually it doesn't!!

I’m early 50s and I really don’t care any more. I wear whatever I like, because what does it matter what other people think of it? I’m friendly and pleasant to people and that’s good enough. As long as you’re not going round being an arse to everyone (and I’m sure you’re not or you wouldn’t be worrying), any negative judgement people might make is on them, not you, and only speaks volumes about them. Why would it matter? I care that my close family and friends like me, and my dog. The rest is superfluous and doesn’t affect my life one way or the other.

The other thing, as has been said already, is people probably aren’t thinking much about you at all. Everyone is wrapped up in themselves, the centre of their own universe. You are probably wasting time worrying about what someone has thought about you when they haven’t thought anything much at all. Just interacted with you and gone back to being in their own world.

To that end, the more genuine interest you can show in others, the less you’ll be focussed on yourself and the less headspace you’ll have to worry.

I was like you op and someone I met in passing told me that what others say or think about me is not my business there's nothing I can do about their words only how I react to it. At the time I was being driven mad by some so called gaslighting 'friends' it wasn't easy but the more I took a deep breath and investigated with kindness their comments and realised that they were untrue it became easier and easier to reassure my self. My only advice is to trust the processes you have learned with your CBT and with time I hope your worry will ease. I also agree.... I'm in my 50's now...
Ageing has definitely helped me to worry less.

I learnt when I was 15 that you can’t impress everyone, some one is always going to find something wrong... I was much happier when I stopped caring what other people thought. Just be yourself and if they don’t like it they can do one.

I think it helps to remember that people probably aren’t really thinking about you as much as you might think, they’re all too busy worrying about what people are thinking of them!

@NeverTheHootenanny

I think it helps to remember that people probably aren’t really thinking about you as much as you might think, they’re all too busy worrying about what people are thinking of them!

This

I wonder if it's you who is judging you harshly, not others. What is your self chatter like? You really need to become aware of what messages you are giving yourself. Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself?
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to an anxious, shy teenager. What would you say to them?

I worry about the things people would judge that are pretty daft.

I worry if someone walked past and thought my windows were dirty. Or I've not parked straight. Or if my washing is pegged out wrong, if my dcs clothes weren't pressed precisely. Their hair was a mess or something
Which is ridiculous I know.

However I don't give a shit if people judged me for being over weight or judging something I've said.

@Velvetbee

How old are you? I’m 52 now and care much less than I used to.

Heh, I was going to say: turn 40. I care less and less with every passing year and wish I’d not wasted so much of my younger years seeking others’ approval/avoiding judgement.

If you are honest with yourself, there’s some people you don’t like. It doesn’t mean you are rude or unkind to them but you don’t like them.

No one likes everyone, and trying to make everyone like you or worrying about if everyone likes you is futile.

I was going to say: turn 40. I care less and less with every passing year and wish I’d not wasted so much of my younger years seeking others’ approval/avoiding judgement.

I was going to say this. OP, people think of you much less than you think they do. They're too busy with their own stuff. If therapy doesn't work, then maybe another therapist?

Good luck.

Thankyou everyone. You have been more helpful than you'll ever realize.
I ran out of therapy last week as I couldn't cope with it. Trying to be honest with myself and sort myself out. Thankyou again.

I'm over 50 & sometimes feel angry about the years I wasted caring about what others thought of me.
Often they were people I didn't even like.
I'm not sure when I changed but I gradually took a huge mental step back. Now I genuinely don't care what the majority of people think about me.
It is really hard to get through though, I would obsess over situations & drive myself mad.
Good luck with therapy, it sounds like you're doing everything you can to help yourself.