I often read on here that it is important to set boundaries and to not accept your boundaries being crossed. But how do you actually do that?
I have often tried to set a boundary or explain that I won't accept something and been completely ignored. And sometimes laughed at. It's never taken seriously. By anyone in my life.
How do you tell somebody this is a line I do not want crossed and have them respect that? More and more I find myself cutting people out of my life because they won't respect my wishes and it's either go no contact with them or just let them walk all over me and then feel resentful and angry that I have no control over my own life or home or whatever.
Of course some things are not so important so I just let it slide. But certain things that are important to me and I cannot accept means that I now have very few people in my life.
I have ptsd due to growing up in a violent abusive household and also then being in an abusive relationship where I was often raped. Part of this means I am very uncomfortable around drunk people. I choose not to drink and not to have alcohol or drunk people in my house. It's of course impossible to 100% avoid it when out in the world. But in my own home, I feel like I should be able to keep that as my safe space.
But people seem to not be able to respect my wishes. For example a family member came to visit and brought a bottle of wine with them, I reminded them that I don't drink and asked them not to open it and take it back home with them. They just laughed it off and didn't take me seriously. Later on they opened the bottle and I said I asked you not to do that I don't want you drinking in my house. They told me not to be so stupid it's just a glass of wine they're not getting getting wasted. I said it doesn't matter how much it is this is my home and my rules. They said fine I'll go drink it in the other room if it bothers you that much.
Not wanting to cause an argument because I also don't like confrontation I decided to just ignore it but to never invite them over again. But I felt disrespected and ridiculed and the relationship was not the same after that.
Another time a friend asked if they could stay on my sofa for a few days as they had to find a new place to live after leaving a live in job. I said yes a few days is fine a week or two at the very max though.
They stayed on my couch for two years. I told them constantly that I wanted them to leave. They kept giving me excuses, I'm looking for somewhere I haven't found anything yet I need to save up some money to afford the deposit. They didn't pay anything towards rent or bills and helped themself to my food. They worked fulltime and on days off would lie "in bed" on my sofa all day. They would complain about mess that I had left and I would say it's my house I will tidy it if and when I want to if you don't like it you know where the door is. They would just roll their eyes at me and once even dared to comment on it being that time of the month. I yelled at them to leave my house and they always said I was being so unreasonable trying to kick them out when they had nowhere to go.
They did eventually leave when they were ready to and when they had found somewhere they wanted to move to.
I could give so many more examples of people ignoring what I say and just doing what they want to do with no regard for what I want. See previously mentioned abusive relationship with a man who took what he wanted when he wanted it no matter what I said or did.
I find it very difficult after so many negative experiences to let people in anymore. I have very few people left in my life and I would like to know if there's something I can do avoid losing any more friends or family members. Am I in the wrong for trying to set rules for my house? I don't want to let people just do what they want and then silently seethe about it but how do I make them respect me and my boundaries?