DP and I have been together for nearly 4 years. We've been through a horrendous amount of shit together.
Firstly I spent 4 months in hospital after being in a coma for 5 weeks and had to learn to walk, talk, eat, everything - again.
In 2019 we decided to start a family as my biological clock is ticking (late 30s) and we both desperately wanted children. Our twins were born sleeping at 19 weeks gestation. Fast-forward six months and we find out we're expecting twins again. Born just before 23 weeks, our daughter survived after an agonising 7.5 months in hospital but our son died in my arms at 4 days old.
That brings me to now. Our LG is nearly two. She's happy and incredibly, healthy, despite delayed development. We both adore her, but I have a big problem. She was born just before Covid became a massive thing. When she was finally discharged from hospital, we were in lockdown and shielding both her and me. My partner returned to work when she had just turned one, so nearly a year ago, and so I have been caring for our daughter 24 hours a day, 7 days a week whether he is home or not. He's a great dad - if there's a nappy to be changed or she wants to play, he's on it straight away. It sounds too good to be true, I know.
Today I've been doing an absolute mountain of laundry and as ever, most of it is DP's (about 3 washer loads was his alone, one mine, one our daughter's, plus towels and bedding). I realised I am SICK. TO. DEATH of this. I love looking after our daughter - I honestly do - but I need a break. I am sick of the endless laundry and having to do all the housework alone. When DP gets home from work he wants to play games on his phone and relax. I get that - he has a very stressful job and he works very hard. He doesn't realise what I have to do in a day to keep the house and family afloat.
I feel guilty. Guilty because in the last two years I've gone out with friends twice (both times since our baby has been at home) just for a coffee. I was out for four hours last time and when I got home he was fraught with stress, wonding how the heck to keep such a little one happy for so long. DP works 12 hour shifts and can be out of the house for 14 hours - I AM TIRED TOO. I want to relax too, but if I try and meet up with a friend I worry about DP not coping on his own.
We agreed to have a little party for our LG's 2nd Birthday and as with everything else (her first Birthday, Christmasses) it's entirely down to me to organise. She's never been to soft play or a petting zoo or swimming and it's my fault because I just have no mental energy left to organise it all and deal with DP's disinterest.
I know most mums feel like this at some point and I know I'm mainly just having a general moan, but what do I do? I've tried talking to him many times but it falls on deaf ears. I need a break and fear I won't get one until little one is doing quite a few hours at nursery. The earliest she can start is next Spring and I don't think I can keep this up for another 5 months or so. I'm only writing this because she's having a rare nap and I feel trapped and exasperated. Help, please!