Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I feel very anxious about my decision

51 replies

Confused10101 · 29/10/2021 13:07

I’m in finance management and had applied for 3 interim roles and got offered all 3…2 were 100% work from home and the 3rd one in predominantly working from home but they want me to come in to collect the laptop and meet management
It’s in London and I’ll have to use the train..I’m claustrophobic and I’m train especially when they go through tunnels I struggle a lot…I have a full blown panic attack.

I chose the London one due to it being a well known organisation and good for my cv..now I’m panicking as to how ill make this work…

Is there any tips I can follow?
Also is there a website where it shows the train route with the tunnel details? I googled but nothing..I can then plan a journey which avoids these..even if I have to drive to a further station?

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused10101 · 29/10/2021 14:02

@PigeonPigPie no I don’t need the tube..I’m anxious and claustrophobic even when the train goes through a tunnel..

OP posts:
maxelly · 29/10/2021 14:08

Do you drive? For a one off, not a regular commute I'd consider driving in as far as say stanmore or Edgware (there are big commuter car parks there, it will probably be pricey but less than a taxi all the way), then getting a taxi or the bus into st pancras from there, there's probably a direct route. Or as others have said a taxi all the way is do-able esp if not rush hour

maxelly · 29/10/2021 14:12

Or if you are ok on the tube so long as it's overground, the Northern line from Edgware is fully overground as far as golders green, or from high Barnet as far as east Finchley or the jubilee line as far as Finchley road. So you could do a slightly convoluted drive to one of those 3 (all accessible from the M1 or the A1 for high Barnet), tube for the overground leg then bus/taxi the rest of the way?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
eightlivesdown · 29/10/2021 14:27

Take a minicab if necessary. Don't worry if the cost exceeds your day rate as it's a one-off trip not a daily commute.

But also have a look on YouTube for videos of the train journey to check for tunnels, e.g. Euston to Hemel Hempstead:

I expect there are some train --nerd expert websites out there who would be able to advise.

TheUndoingProject · 29/10/2021 14:34

There are tunnels on the thameslink from St Albans to St Pancras I’m afraid. If it’s a one off then I think you’ll need to look at taxi/drive/bus.

YouokHun · 29/10/2021 14:43

CBT would definitely help @Confused10101 and if you can find a BABCP accredited CBT therapist from cbtregisteruk.com/ it would be better as it would be more tailored to you and little or no waiting list compared to IAPT. Yours is a very common anxiety and it should be possible to vastly improve things fairly quickly. Then you can take the job you want without having to plan ways of avoiding your feared situation (the avoidance and safety behaviours [the things we do that feel like they are helping us feel better] just keep the problem going), the right CBT will help you to examine the thinking, behaviour (and beliefs) you employ without even realising it and help you test out assumptions and try new behaviour in manageable chunks and face your fear in a controlled and manageable way.

Well done with your job and wishing you well with putting your phobia behind you.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 29/10/2021 14:59

I’ve taken the train from St Albans to Kings Cross a few times and the trains are very modern, bright and spacious. Although there might be tunnels, hopefully you’ll be OK as the trains don’t feel too closed-in. In your situation, I’d download some podcasts and just close my eyes when tunnels are coming up.

Once you’re in Kings Cross, the bus station is right outside and you can get around easily, albeit slowly. Or there’s the taxi rank.

mrsbyers · 29/10/2021 15:07

Are your new employers aware of the issues ? There may be further occasions when they ask you to go into the office so if not I would make them aware

Original poster
Confused10101 · 29/10/2021 17:16

@mrsbyers no I haven’t informed..I don’t think people especially employers are very understanding when it comes to issues related to mental health…if they ask me to come in often then I’ll have to let them know or quit..

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2021 17:21

Is there anyone, a friend, relative or neighbour you could ask to take you in? You could pay for petrol and take them out for a nice lunch.

Original poster
Confused10101 · 29/10/2021 17:22

In fact I’m already considering pulling out..
My husband seems to think the taxi plan is ridiculous…
He is pushing the coach but I’m nervous about this too..

I guess the phobia is ruling me…I’ll have to get some help soon

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused10101 · 29/10/2021 17:25

@Aquamarine1029 I do not have any friends in this country..a few acquaintances but no one who will drive me.
No relatives either
Neighbours are there but no one on the terms who will drive me to London when all of them are working from home..

OP posts:
PigeonPigPie · 29/10/2021 18:16

As above, if you can get thameslink they are big, bright, spacious and out of rush hour pretty empty.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2021 18:28

If you're healthy and vaccinated, take the coach and wear a mask. You'll be perfectly fine.

NoSquirrels · 29/10/2021 19:12

Get the coach.

Drive most of the way in and park, then get a taxi or a bus.

You’ll be OK.

Original poster
Confused10101 · 30/10/2021 13:45

I’m considering getting a cab…might cost me but it seems better than me having a full blown panic attack…

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused10101 · 30/10/2021 13:47

@Aquamarine1029 I think I’m ok ish.. health wise and I’m double vaccinated
But the vaccinated still get infected…and sims fo struggle quite badly. I would like to avoid catching it as much as possible…although I recognise this is becoming increasingly difficult with no safety measures…

OP posts:
eurochick · 30/10/2021 13:52

Get a cab for the initial meeting. Starting new jobs can be nerve wracking anyway so don't add to it for that day. Then if you are going to have to come in more often maybe look at some therapy to help you.

WTFCanIDoAboutThis · 30/10/2021 13:56

[quote Confused10101]@mrsbyers no I haven’t informed..I don’t think people especially employers are very understanding when it comes to issues related to mental health…if they ask me to come in often then I’ll have to let them know or quit..[/quote]
OP if it's a well known large org they will absolutely be understanding and it will be a focus of theirs. This is my job - I speak to a lot of other large organisations in London and they're all tripping over themselves to take it seriously. They can't support you if they don't know you're struggling and I would put money on the fact that they will be happy to work around your concerns. Good luck!

WTFCanIDoAboutThis · 30/10/2021 14:03

...meant to add, feel free to PM me if you want to discuss how to talk to your employer.

eightlivesdown · 30/10/2021 14:10

A Treasury minister missed the Budget photo-call outside 11 Downing Street due to agoraphobia. If Govt. ministers can have their mental health issues accommodated, so can you.

roadwarrior · 30/10/2021 14:17

I agree with @eurochick , drive as close as you can and then get a cab. It's fine for the first time. Don't pull out. (And get therapy for any future trips)

Original poster
Confused10101 · 08/11/2021 20:42

Thank you for all who contributed- update

I ended up taking the taxi- husband had to go into London for work so we both went together which sort of helped my anxiety

However;

The taxi while going the driver did not wear a mask, he has had two vaccines plus the booster and we both are double jabbed. The taxi driver was chatty so he mentioned.

I was masked throughout but husband was not

In the new workplace everyone was masked so felt ok

When I went to meet husband so that we could travel back he was in a cage with lots of people around him but no one was masked… I ended up having a panic attack but was able to calm myself by paving on the pavement..

I feel ok (not happy at all) about atleast going and not backing off however

I’m so scared now that

A) we both have caught it
B) I have stupidly put my husband in a position where he might have been exposed to the virus. He came in to help me else I’m sure he could have still carried on with his work at home.

It going to be a stressful week me panicking over every sneeze/cough/headache…😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Confused10101 · 08/11/2021 20:43

@WTFCanIDoAboutThis thank you. Very kind of you. I’ll get in touch if I’m asked to come back in..I’m not doing that again…

OP posts:
eightlivesdown · 08/11/2021 21:09

Firstly, give yourself a big pat on the back for not pulling out, facing up to your fears and overcoming them.

It's unlikely you or your husband caught covid, and also unlikely it will do serious harm if either of you did.

Seek counselling for your anxiety. It's fine to be cautious, but not to be dominated by anxiety (I'm sure you know this already). Covid could disappear or be around forever, there is a strong flu bug this year (you could get vaccinated for this), and multiple other risks in life. It's important to evaluate the level of risk and respond accordingly.