automatic reactions which I can't control - what type of help do I need?

[wildnfreee]

Im extremely shy and quiet and very awkward with pretty much everyone: at work, with extended family who I don't really see that often, in shops, on the phone. Pretty much any interaction with a human - all to varying degrees. My very earliest memories - I have always been like this and absolutely hate myself for it

I've had cbt and have read loads of self help books over the years but nothing has helped. I'm thinking there's something more to it but I don't know what. I'm definitely not ASD in case anyone is thinking of that.

I have always thought that I had social anxiety which I guess I do have but when I read about others' experience it doesn't quite feel like the way they explain.

For me it's like my brain shuts down and almost goes into a freeze mode. My mind goes blank and I cannot relax. I have no thoughts. I am almost frozen in my mind. It's like an automatic reaction which I cannot control even if I tell myself this is a completely non threatening event, my reaction / behaviour is always the same and I don't know what to do about it. I have been doing this since I was a child.

I'm not sure if I am making any sense but I wonder if there's any explanation for this and what I can do to help myself. Is there a particular therapy that would help. I'm at a loss and really want to start living.

Thank you.

Hi OP, I feel sure that there will be plenty of people who will come along and diagnose all sorts but maybe you're just very shy.
I am and I'm always putting off things like innocuous phone calls .

I'm ok when meeting with someone close on a one to one basis but a group setting leaves me cold. I find a group setting awkward as I'll often be forming a response in my head, to the topic of conversation but when I find a pause for me to answer, someone else chimes in and then my response seems superfluous or the conversation has moved on a bit.

To be honest , I love having someone round to my house for a cup of tea and a sticky bun and I'm ok about going to someone's house for the same.

I had counselling and CBT on various occasions but I still feel the same.

Really sorry OP, I haven't helped you at all but feel sure that we'd have a lovely time over a cup of tea and a sticky bun.

Freeze is part of the fight or flight response. It's often called fight, flight or freeze. There are two modes to our nervous systems - sympathetic and parasympathetic. When the sympathetic system is triggered that's what puts you into fight, flight or freeze (or fawn) is sometimes included. You need to get the parasympathetic system to kick in to get out of that. Deep breathing is probably the best way. Or to try that technique suggested for panic attacks of looking for things you can see, things you can hear, things you can feel etc. it all gets you back in your body, your heart rate down and better able to calm down.

I am autistic and used it to think it was anxiety or social anxiety but autism fits all the issues I have. I've had a lot of practise at trying to calm down in social situations. It does seem to have improved with practice and practice at expressing myself in therapy.