The bad memories your brain has blocked out

[manipulatrice]

Bit of a weird one.

I was having a discussion at work last week when a colleague asked me, after me saying that I didn't, why I don't like Christmas.

I didn't have a nice childhood. So I assume my brain has blocked out every Christmas, as I literally cannot remember any until I was about 19.

Question being, what does everyone do about that locked box in their brain? I'm not in a mind to open it tbh, but, am I storing up a shit load of trauma for the future by not doing so?

Thought this might be an interesting discussion.

I don't know what bad memories my brain has blocked out, because I can't remember them.

My mind has blocked out so much it's like I have the key and the box but I can't remember it.

It really frustrates me at times I want the missing puzzle piece to know who I really am

But
I have had a traumatic life I guess it's a coping mechanism

I know its not tje same thing but I was hit by a car in 2009 and it was very bad. My ex was very abusive during a time I couldn't stand uo for myself. My brain blocked out the accident and also parts of what happened with my ex. Unfortunately now I get flash backs of what happened and dreams. Its pretty awful. If I was you I would talk to a professional and try and unpick it a hit at a time but in a controlled way. It will probably help you a lot more than the way I did things.

I suffer from PTSD and some of the things that have come out of my locked box have left me altered.

@JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue

I don't know what bad memories my brain has blocked out, because I can't remember them.

Ok...

How about if I rephrase it to say any gaps in your memory that you just don't know what happened or why you don't know?

There's a box I have that even if offered free unlimited therapy I would not want to 'open' or 'revisit'. Do you ever get flashbacks however brief or minor? Or a general idea of what might have happened without the most vivid picture? Because as I see it, if it's intruding on your day to day i.e. intrusive thoughts that's different to wanting to actually open a locked box iyswim.

Very very occasionally something will cause me stop and wonder, but otherwise no. Which I guess is why I have no inclination to do much about it.

It wasn't until a colleague said that one day it's going to cause me issue because I haven't that it's been playing on my mind.

Yeah I have very limited memories between 6 and 11, when we lived with my stepfather. I actually have more from 3-6. The ones I have retained are outright Not Very Nice, or cause me anxiety although there’s no real surface reason why, so can only assume the missing ones are worse, and that the entirety of my childhood in those years was imbued with anxiety/fear.

My SF was very abusive but HIS family (father and mother) were literally monstrous- although to my knowledge they never harmed me, I have genuine blanks when I was in their company.

Wary of saying more about the background (potential for legal issues etc if anyone recognised me and joined the dots) but I’ve had lots of therapy, and by and large feel settled with my decision not to dig deeper for more “lost” memories. Oddly, I’m worried about the potential for the creation of false memories, as much as I am what I might uncover.

I really disagree with the notion that "one day you're going to blow up" etc etc and do what exactly? Go on a murderous rampage?

There are things that need to be worked through, absolutely, but it's so much down an individual level and even then it's extremely nuanced. As a general rule if I experienced regular intrusive thoughts I'd absolutely need to speak to someone because it would be having a negative impact on my day to day life. But there are certain things that have happened in my life and I'm not going to revisit, I'd even go so far as to say that revisiting those memories/ideas would be actively self-harming.

Is important to consciously maintain your mental health and part of this is listening to yourself and knowing what is best for you. I know that opening that box would cause me no end of turmoil so I choose not to.

I have huge areas of my life blocked out. People remind me of things and it's like viewing a picture through thick fog. It hurts my brain to try and remember although I know I was there because they remember and often there are photographs.

I went through a traumatic time over a great many years. I think it's natures way of helping you move forward.

One day I'll get help to inbox the memories and deal with them. For now, amnesia will suffice.

Unsure, tbh.

I know I have one. I witnessed my sister being violently attacked when I was 4, and I recall the immediate aftermath.

I passed the place it happened recently, and got nothing. It's weird, because I have no feelings about it, but I presume that box doesn't hold a lot of happy things in it.

I have a huge box of bad memories locked away after an incredibly traumatic incident (and I mean it when I say it was BAD) which gave me major PTSD. The memories of that love to come out as flashbacks and usually ALWAYS when I am having an amazing day.

Alongside that they have started dragging out traumatic childhood memories (I grew up with a mentally and emotionally abusive stepmother and absent alcoholic mother).

Do not open the box OP until you are fully prepared to deal with it.

A friend of mine born with a disability and who was subject to at least annual (or more) operations says he cannot remember anything before he was 12. He thought that was usual until I suggested that it might be due to the trauma. He now thinks that's true.

I have a good memory of childhood going back to when I was about 4 which reflects, I think, a very happy and secure start to my life. However more traumatic periods of my adult life are vaguer.

It depends I think.

I had some hugely traumatic events in my adolescence with flashbacks and vivid memories that wrecked my mental health for years, so in my early 20s I made a conscious choice to purposefully block those memories. Any time one of those memories came up I pushed it away mentally. Now I don't get any flashbacks, don't remember vast swathes of my teens and couldn't remember these horrible events even if I tried. I'm happy that my brain has done me this favour; to stop past memories from damaging my present.

There is no need to try to remember the details of the bad events, it will only cause me trauma and god knows I've had enough of that in my life.

Obviously, if you're having flashbacks, mental health struggles and other problems due to not having dealt with these issues then you will need to get therapy to deal with them, but if you were living contentedly then just continue as you are. Not everything has to be dragged out of the memory banks and pored over. You will just retraumatise yourself.

I have two pre-12 memories, neither pleasant.

I have successfully locked away some horrific stuff...
It has made gaps in my memory.. No therapist would get me to go there... Ever.

I'd blocked memories in 'my black hole' -named that as I don't know exactly what's in there or how much is there- and went through a stressful period a couple of years ago and had a bit of a breakdown.

I couldn't keep my abusive childhood locked away anymore and it nearly made me stop functioning and I had to take a lot of time off work. I'm seeing a therapist which is helpful.

I'd not keep things locked away without careful thought as you don't want it to come out when you don't want it to and you can't manage it. Better to think about addressing slowly and safely.