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Original poster

Funeral delays

31 replies

Georgyporky · 26/10/2021 18:50

I've arranged & also attended many funerals over the years, & one thing has always puzzled me.
Any form of Christian , Agnostic or Atheist funeral takes weeks from death to ceremony. (Nothing to do with Covid.)

Why?

Jewish & Muslim funerals happen very quickly after death, so what is stopping other funerals from taking place earlier?
Presumably the paperwork in GB is the same for everyone?

OP posts:
AuditAngel · 26/10/2021 18:59

Jewish and Muslim funerals are required to take place quickly due to the rules of their beliefs. I think best efforts are made to accommodate those beliefs (I am not complaining about this).

In Spain (where my husband is from) funerals are usually held within a week of death.

When my mum died, the death certificate was signed by the doctor a few hours after death. We were lucky to be able to collect the paperwork the day after her death, but the earliest possible funeral date was over 3 weeks later. This was pre Covid.

Covid caused a lot of backlogs in registry offices. Probably due to some staff being unable to work in person, and also from increasing gaps between appointments to reduce risks of transmission of Covid.

Bouledeneige · 26/10/2021 19:00

It is because the Jewish and Muslim funerals have to take place straight after the death that the others happen later. I suspect you know that.

helpfulperson · 26/10/2021 19:03

I've no idea if Jewish/ Muslim funerals took precedence (not a problem if so) but with my Dad we had to wait for availability of gravedigger over Christmas.

Sunnysal · 26/10/2021 19:04

It's actually the law in Spain is funeral within 48 hours of death. You can delay it but its not normal. Sometimes it's cremation the same day as the death.

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 26/10/2021 19:04

There’s a religious requirement for them to happen quickly and I think there’s a reasonable strict ceremony. A Christian ceremony (for example) usually had a eulogy etc and that takes time to write…there’s also often travel time for people to get home because it’s considered more important for people to be there than for it to happen quickly.

Other than that it’s often down to delays with the registry office, post mortem etc. it took us almost a month to bury my nan because they couldn’t find COD - i think there are options to speed through this for the funerals you’ve mentioned when there are religious reqs

PermanentTemporary · 26/10/2021 19:07

I would have hated to bury my husband tge day after he died. It was a total shock and culturally I expect an absolute minimum of 2 weeks between death and funeral. In the event it was 6 weeks due to post mortem etc and although I think it was hard on his parents, I was really glad to have the wait. Lots of people came a long way to be there and it was easier for them to organise that with a gap.

If a culture expects and requires burial within 24 hours, we would make it happen. Culturally we expect a gap, and we don't eg expect to go to a late evening funeral, it's all 9-5.

ErrolTheDragon · 26/10/2021 19:10

A lot of the first group actually want a few weeks to organise the funeral, allow for people to make travel arrangements. Perhaps that affects the general 'throughput' or sense of urgency?

YogaLite · 26/10/2021 19:31

I wonder how quickly direct funerals can be arranged. There won't be anyone attending mine and I don't want to be sitting in the fridge for weeks...

Original poster
Georgyporky · 27/10/2021 19:42

Some interesting thoughts, but I'm not convinced about the theory that Jews & Muslims are given priority.
Both my parents, & my late DH (and me) lived in areas that had very few of either, but we still had to wait 2-3 weeks when I wanted them over as quickly as possible. There were no delays because of PMs, inquests, etc.
I assumed it was because of the crem staff & outdated working practices.

OP posts:
Albless · 27/10/2021 19:55

@Georgyporky

Some interesting thoughts, but I'm not convinced about the theory that Jews & Muslims are given priority. Both my parents, & my late DH (and me) lived in areas that had very few of either, but we still had to wait 2-3 weeks when I wanted them over as quickly as possible. There were no delays because of PMs, inquests, etc. I assumed it was because of the crem staff & outdated working practices.
Why don’t you think that Jews and Muslims are given priority? They surely must be in order that the funeral can take place the next day.

In my experience, as a parish minister, paperwork can usually be completed in a day or two, unless there is a particular problem. Then it’s usually about being able to arrange a date and time which is suitable for the undertakers, crematorium/cemetery, celebrant and family.

Where I am, a burial can usually be arranged within a week of death, but certain times of year, there can be long delays for a cremation due to higher demand. Jewish and Muslim funerals are burials, so if the paperwork can be fast-tracked out of respect for religious and cultural needs, then no reason why a next day funeral couldn’tbe arranged.

Redglitter · 27/10/2021 19:58

Christian funerals don't always take weeks
My Dad's funeral was 6 days after his death.

YogaLite · 27/10/2021 22:32

Interesting re burials @Albless, are u in England?

Does anyone know whether putting in the will a wish to be buried say in days rather than weeks would be honoured?

Albless · 28/10/2021 01:33

I’m in Scotland.

The longest I’ve seen between death and funeral has been 4 weeks, and that was very unusual. A high number of deaths, combined with Christmas and New Year public holidays is the usual cause of delays.

TrampolineForMrKite · 28/10/2021 01:41

My grandad was almost three weeks and I hated it. He died suddenly when I was in my late twenties and I felt like I was in this awful limbo, I wanted the funeral to happen even as I was in the midst of the terrible, initial grief, because I felt like I had no outlet. We were very close and he was the only grandfather I ever knew. As it was I had to just go about my normal life, going to work etc. Was horrible. I can’t speak for a different (or arguably closer) relationship, but in that instance the gap felt like torture. The whole family agreed, it was simply the first space they had available.

Sunstar16 · 28/10/2021 01:57

In N.Ireland it is usually 2 nights at home. Some chose 1 night at home and then the second night in the chapel before the funeral the following day. There is only one crematorium in the country at Roselawn in Belfast. Cremations can take up to a week.

MadisonAvenue · 28/10/2021 02:04

It’s only in more recent years in our area where it’s become around 3 weeks between the death and the funeral. It was always around 6 or 7 days.
One issue we’ve had in this area though is that we’ve run out of burial space.

Unless someone has reserved a plot or is being buried in a family grave it has to be a cremation which has put great pressure on the two (not quite local) crematoriums and this causes a delay as there’re simply not enough timeslots, plus I suppose that having to travel a 20+ miles round trip for each cremation adds to the workload of the undertakers.

CarrieBlue · 28/10/2021 03:29

@Georgyporky - what outdated working practices were you thinking of?

SisforSoppy · 28/10/2021 04:38

@Sunstar16 came on the day the exact same thing. When we moved to England I was horrified that life went back to normal/people went back to work inbetween the death and burial of a loved one. Our English friends were shocked to learn that the body normally comes home and people view it at the wake.

northwesternskies · 28/10/2021 05:15

Yes I'm in NI too and I've never personally experienced a funeral taking place longer than 4/5 days after a death. Any delay would usually be to allow for family that maybe live far away to travel.
When my grandad died, it was out of the blue and my dad was on a business trip in Hong Kong. Granda died on the Friday evening and the funeral would have been on the Sunday if it weren't for the fact that my dad was only able to get home on the Sunday morning so funeral was the Monday.
I couldn't imagine waiting longer and having to go back to everyday life in between, for someone close to me anyway.

ScamTheSchool · 28/10/2021 05:30

Any form of Christian , Agnostic or Atheist funeral takes weeks from death to ceremony.
I don't think it's a Christian thing, more a British thing. My IL's who are Christian and live in another European country were horrified my grandmother's and aunt's funerals were 3-4 weeks after they died. They considered 1week to be normal, 2 weeks would be unusual.

careerchangeperhaps · 28/10/2021 05:39

It's usually in part because people want a specific day / time. If there are relatives that need to travel then people like a Monday / Friday so that some of the travel can take place at a weekend and / or people can stay longer without having to take lots of time off work. Likewise the early and late slots for each day are less popular if people are travelling from afar.
My DDad died a few years ago and we waited 2.5 weeks for the funeral. We could've had it about a week after he died if we'd taken a less popular time slot but I can't imagine it could've been done much sooner as the nature of funerals in our (English / C of E) culture meant that we needed to organise flowers / have the coffin finished to our chosen specs / write the eulogy / choose readings & hymns and have the orders of service printed etc. / find a venue for the wake and organise catering and so on). I presume in cultures where burial is very quick they must be much more simple affairs.

badlydrawnbear · 28/10/2021 08:43

My DH's funeral was last week. It was 5 weeks after he died. There had to be a post-mortem, so we didn't even start thinking about arranging the funeral until that had happened a week after he died. I was advised by several people not to have it too soon so I had time to process what had happened a bit (it was very sudden and unexpected and he was only 41) and think about what we wanted. It was hard arranging everything whilst so shocked myself and looking after 2 young children when I had no idea how to arrange a funeral. Actually, one of the hardest parts that led to a delay was finding a venue for a wake. We could do any day, but most places that we called said they were fully booked, which seemed hugely unlikely for a middle of the day gathering during the week in October. The places we did find were only available on Fridays which is apparently the most popular day at the crematorium. But this did give us time to think about finding a celebrant and meeting with her, choosing a reading and music, sort out the food for the wake, invite people (how do people get time off work for a funeral if it is just days after the death?), write a eulogy, my DC got to go to the funeral directors and decorate the coffin and I am glad we had that time.

Nitgel · 28/10/2021 08:53

Mil died at the end of july and the funeral was end of August. Getting the death cert took over a week. It was too long.

StTherese · 28/10/2021 08:56

My Uncle died at the start of May and his funeral took place a full month later.

Whereas my DH's Aunt (Jewish heritage) died on a Sunday afternoon, funeral on the Tuesday. It would have been Monday only some of the family had to fly in.

I've never thought about it tbh but interesting points raised.

Original poster
Georgyporky · 28/10/2021 20:01

Why don’t you think that Jews and Muslims are given priority? They surely must be in order that the funeral can take place the next day.

As already said, there were very few in our respective areas.

what outdated working practices were you thinking of?
9-5 & a half-day on Saturday.

My local crem prides itself for an hour for the ceremony !

If they were more realistic & accepted that 30-45 minutes is adequate they wouldn't have a backlog & keep people waiting for a month or more.

OP posts: