Is this normal 3 year old behaviour?!!

[Mums234]

My little boy was 3 last month and for the past 9 months or so everytime we go anywhere no matter what we are doing he will have a melt down. 🤯 we go to the park for 2 hours and as soon as we explain it's time to go he looses it throws himself everywhere screams and it just doesn't end until we are in the house and we focus him on something else. 😵 it is so embarrassing and this happens whenever he has to end anything when we are out and about we explain, we are patient, we keep our cool. When we go to a supermarket I have to put him in a trolley regardless if I need just one thing because he will just go mental if I say no or tell him he can't let go of my hand. We have to still use a high chair when we go out and at home for any meals because he will just get up and run off at home he sits down to a degree and we explain but meal times he is random with his behaviour. We went out over the weekend to a pumpkin patch where there was a tractor the minute I explained it was the next childs turn he again lost it and he was inconsolable and wouldn't calm down and we just left out of embarrassment and stress. It is starting to really put us off going anywhere with him .He has twin brothers who are 11 months old who literally bless them I feel get the bare minimum when it comes to attention and it's frustrating me because I feel like they should get more attention and actually have reasons to cry or moan but my toddler doesn't kind of thing he gets the most of us and often the best of both me and his dad it's like we have very little left for the twins who are just so happy whenever we do stuff with them.
He has had delayed speech which I guess has been fueled by covid and had no access to normal activities for ages and this hasn't helped he is speaking loads now and can tell us what he wants etc and we know he understands now. We have spoken to nursery where he is an angel and has never had a tantrum 🙃 I understand at home he feels most comfortable to express himself and his many emotions but I just feel like I am doing something wrong.
I basically don't want to go out places with him because it's just so so stressful 😫 I do it anyway I try to be patient, distract, ignore the bad behaviour, stick to my guns, he doesn't get something everytime we go out, we explain, persevere. It just doesn't seem to be getting better and I'm struggling to cope when he is like this as he is so strong I've had to carry him out of a situation and I've ended up winded or injured from carrying him (I try and go out just with him to for one to one time and this still happens). I've spoken to his HV who was useless for ideas at all. It's starting to kind of for me ruin our relationship because I feel like all I do is damage control because when we are at home he behaves this way to different situations resulting in a no or a different activity because the babies can't do puzzles etc. It is so draining and I'm struggling to cope with it I feel like we have tried everything and I don't get why he isn't just learning its not okay from us constantly telling him and giving why etc
How can we make this better? Any advice I would appreciate I'm so fed up 🤯😵

Have you tried giving him a 10 minute countdown, then 5 minutes etc using a timer could work that counts down 10 mins. He could have no idea why he has to leave what he’s doing and fear of what’s going to happen next

I remember mine having a resurgence of tantrums arou d then too, don't remember it lasting that long though. As pp said we also did and still do the countdown warning and consistency, carry out actions.

I feel your pain. My DS is 3 in a few months and it is a nightmare going out with him and a total embarrassment. I keep telling myself it will get better but I think it's getting worse. He is full of energy and we try to get him outdoors everyday but going out is a nightmare. Meal times he never sits down and I admire those toddlers who have their little desks where they can snack on and do arts and crafts. Our desk is upside down, pushed across the living room like a sledge singing row row your boat. I'm following your thread with interest and you have saved me from creating a new one. Good luck

My DS was the same around the time he turned 3. Not just tantrums, full on meltdowns in public. I’ve had to bear hug him and carry him back to the car so many times and then struggle to wrestle him into his car seat because he’s in such a state. I can remember one time we were on a walk and I had to get DH to drive and pick him up because I couldn’t carry him all the way home and he couldn’t calm down. I always did a countdown and that made no difference and it was mainly when we were transitioning from one activity to another when he wasn’t ready. No real advice for you OP but solidarity and to let you know his meltdowns 6 months on have turned into tantrums which are much easier to distract from and deal with. Starting nursery for 15 hours per week has helped a great deal because he has to take turns and go along with the group rather than trying to call the shots constantly. I cannot imagine trying to deal with all that with young twins as well, you must be some kind of hero

I think it's fairly standard. My son was quite like this but is much better now he's two and a half. His friends seem to be quite bad for it. It's only now becoming possible for one adult to take him and his younger sister out together. Because of the risk of a tantrum or him just not cooperating. But it has improved vastly without us doing anything ourselves. I think he's just older and more mature. I sympathise about your twins being ignored. My baby is very ignored..... not by choice!

Ah the threenager! Grim. But it passes.

Try not to get too embarrassed he won’t be the only child who does it, he’s just the only one doing it this minute.

Countdowns might help if transitions are particularly tricky - 2 minutes, 1 minute, ok let’s go. Concentrating on what we are going to do next rather than on what we have to stop helps too. Sometimes. So instead of “ok now it’s this little girl’s turn, you need to get down” it’s “ok now it’s time to race to the car, are we going to jump or walk or skip?” Basically jolly jolly in the teeth of fury.

3 under 5 sounds really tough going. Do you have hone start in your area? www.home-start.org.uk/ They are a really great organisation. They provide volunteers who can come alongside and just support. They’d go out with you as an extra pair of hands, make it possible for you to get to the park with all three of them, for e.g. Well worth contacting them.

Hi ,how is he now? I'm having these struggles with my 3 year old boy .. preying it passes x