‘I’m not away then’

Mhingmighty · 2021-10-25T19:19:43+00:00

If you mentioned to someone in passing that there was an event happening for a group that person had never been involved with, and their only response was ‘I am not away then’, would you think that they wanted to now get involved - or was it just something to say?

Immunetypegoblin · 25/10/2021 20:21

I would assume they wanted to join you, yes.

Isabellabasil · 25/10/2021 20:24

Yes it sounds like they want to join you

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 25/10/2021 20:28

I'd think they wanted me to ask if they'd like to join us.

SnarkyBag · 25/10/2021 20:31

Depends if your mentioning it in passing sounded like an invite?
But yes sounds like they’ve taken it as an invite and may want to come

Original poster

Mhingmighty · 25/10/2021 21:15

No, was merely informing as it means a travel plan for us. Couldn’t possibly have been taken as an invite.

OP posts:

ChristmasLightsAndSparkles · 25/10/2021 22:31

Depends on context and tone

A: We're going on holiday over half-term with our climbing friends
B: ahh... We're not away then

Interpretation: lucky you. Wish we had a holiday planned too

A: We're off to a festival this week. I've told our shared nanny that this is the week we've chosen as holiday.
Nanny-share family: We're not away then!

Interpretation: It's too late for me to book something, so I'll have to take annual leave but stay at home. Why didn't you give me more notice?

Original poster

Mhingmighty · 25/10/2021 22:56

Neither - it’s my rather wealthy parents (understatement) who are planning something family wise and my rather grabby MIL who is taking an interest in getting to know them better at the same time that failing health has also had to be declared…

OP posts:

Hodgehog · 26/10/2021 07:46

Ah so she’s angling for an invitation ?

In which case I’d ignore her. I might say “ok” then ignore her to make it clear.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/10/2021 07:49

@Mhingmighty

Neither - it’s my rather wealthy parents (understatement) who are planning something family wise and my rather grabby MIL who is taking an interest in getting to know them better at the same time that failing health has also had to be declared…

Gosh 😳

You really don't like her, do you? Pretty horrible way to talk about someone.

AppleKatie · 26/10/2021 07:51

In that context she is saying

‘I’m free then and I will miss you, I wish I was a part of this’

Only you can possibly know if she’s undeserving of an invite but seeing as she’s your husbands mother I would offer a bit of the benefit of doubt and consider if she’s lonely?

Piggy42 · 26/10/2021 07:55

@EarringsandLipstick
Presumably there’s a significant back sorry. Otherwise it’s amazing how many Dh’s have awful mums.

picklemewalnuts · 26/10/2021 07:59

In the context I hear it, it's more like
'I'm going away weekend x.'
'I'm not away then so I can look after the dog, and cover Sunday school.'

SirensofTitan · 26/10/2021 08:03

Whatever she means it's a strange response to what sounds like a statement rather than an invitation

It's a clumsy sentence anyway, would most people say I'm around then or I'm at home then?

I'm not away then only makes sense as a response to the question “are you away on X date?”

EarringsandLipstick · 26/10/2021 08:15

@Piggy42

I guess so. I think it would be more helpful if OP provided this then, and the answers could be more relevant.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/10/2021 08:42

“Great, can you cat/dog/hamster sit?”

Original poster

Mhingmighty · 26/10/2021 09:56

It wouldn’t be my call to invite her anyway - it’s not my event. I am helping to organise some logistics of it but I am not paying the bill so thinking about it she couldn’t possibly take it as an invite.

OP posts:

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 26/10/2021 11:02

Doesn't mean she couldn't be hinting for one.

Just ignore. She hasn't asked to come and you don't have to try to interpret vague statements.

If she asks to come that's when you say sorry, I'm not paying for it and so I'd feel rather rude inviting anyone.

NotSoNewAndShiny · 26/10/2021 11:18

@SirensofTitan

Whatever she means it's a strange response to what sounds like a statement rather than an invitation

It's a clumsy sentence anyway, would most people say I'm around then or I'm at home then?

I'm not away then only makes sense as a response to the question “are you away on X date?”

I agree. I was thinking it sounds so unusual to me.

Original poster

Mhingmighty · 26/10/2021 13:09

Just remembered that she actually asked for clarity of the date when I said it was ‘around x time’ after which she said she wasn’t away. Oh well.

@EarringsandLipstick @Piggy42 it’s not that I don’t like her but I don’t do being bounced (and my family even less) and there have been a number of times that she’s felt badly done by when she hasn’t been able to benefit from something thats only available because of my parents on the basis that we are ‘all family’.

OP posts:

hopeishere · 26/10/2021 13:13

What like? A free holiday?

InPraiseOfLadyGrey · 26/10/2021 13:18

@Mhingmighty

It wouldn’t be my call to invite her anyway - it’s not my event. I am helping to organise some logistics of it but I am not paying the bill so thinking about it she couldn’t possibly take it as an invite.

You mentioned she's grabby. If she's also a CF in general she absolutely could have taken it as a invite whilst darn well knowing it wasn't . These people are experts at inviting themselves, putting you in a situation whereby you'd have to actually say "no sorry you're not invited" which obviously nobody ever wants to do. The CF knows this. You could ask her what she meant when she said that, but don't be surprised if she clarifies by saying she's not away then then so she's free to come to the event.

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 13:22

Do you have a dog she might be expecting to watch for you? (Clutching at straws for your sanity)

InPraiseOfLadyGrey · 26/10/2021 13:24

Just remembered that she actually asked for clarity of the date when I said it was ‘around x time’ after which she said she wasn’t away. Oh well.

You need to perfect the art of being deliberately and consistently vague about what/when/where/how/who. Don't give her anything concrete to invite herself to. I find it easier than dealing with the fallout whenever they're told no.