Table manners

[BlueRaincoat1]

I have a nearly 6 year old and a 3 year old. I would appreciate opinions about table manners.

I'm pretty strict when it comes to eating nicely. My 3 year old is actually pretty good, he like using a fork or spoon for most things. My nearly 6 year old really likes eating with his fingers. I will let him eat stuff like chips, nuggets or pizza with his hands, but am very firm about not eating other stuff (eg roast potatoes, pieces of chopped up meat etc) with fingers. I feel like I'm constantly telling him off and its getting me down. He's a great boy in general, really lovely and well behaved. He does also bite his nails quite a lot (and pick his nose...) Basically loves having his hands in his mouth it would seem. I find it really gross but I am getting sick of CONSTANTLY telling him to stop these things. How firm are you about this?

Strict.

I’m a nanny though, also a mum, my baby doesn’t eat food yet. But in my job I’m really on it with table manners, I do reward charts, gem jars for it. I think it’s really important to be able to eat nicely and observe at least the basics. I ended up in catered halls at uni and I’m sorry to say I felt bad for some students because they could barely hold cutlery.

I think it’s really worth persevering with. I really notice table manners when eating with others and feel it is in a way disrespectful to the host, chef or other diners not to have good table manners.

If you're strict I must be bootcamp. I have restrained myself from constantly telling DD to use her fork properly (read: the utterly daft, upside-down way my mum taught we was correct, which I realise is absurd but which is Proper, Dammit). But I would definitely tick her off if she ate with her fingers and she's four.

Is he having issues with the size/shape of the cutlery by any chance? I think it's really hard to find decent child-sized ones.

But I don't think you're unreasonable to keep nagging. I do, by now, actually appreciate my mum drilling good manners into me, even if I didn't at the time.

Also, I bet he doesn't eat with his fingers at school. I know DD keeps her bad manners for home. Maybe he does too!

I think if it's getting you down OP. Your taking table manners TOO FAR. He is only 6. I would not repeat yourself constantly lay off a little and see how he goes.

@SarahAndQuack honestly I’ve seen the opposite with my nieces. Normal in the holidays, back to school and we’re constantly having to remind them.

My nieces live with my parents part time and I’m around a lot so not stepping on toes. The eldest (8) seems to be getting worse and has started trying to pick food up. But I constantly tell them not to and to pick their knives up. I don’t think it’s a problem to be strict about it, they, and everyone who watches them eat, will appreciate it in the future.

[quote VanillaSpiceCandle]@SarahAndQuack honestly I’ve seen the opposite with my nieces. Normal in the holidays, back to school and we’re constantly having to remind them.

My nieces live with my parents part time and I’m around a lot so not stepping on toes. The eldest (8) seems to be getting worse and has started trying to pick food up. But I constantly tell them not to and to pick their knives up. I don’t think it’s a problem to be strict about it, they, and everyone who watches them eat, will appreciate it in the future.[/quote]
Oh, interesting!

Mine just started school and I was chatting with the teacher who said usually, they're very polite at school but let it all out at home!

@SarahAndQuack how funny! At least they’re behaving in public.

Honestly OP I think a bit of nagging and modelling good manners yourself will probably be enough for most children.

We are strict on good tables manners with our DC.

Yes I’m a cutlery nagger too. We have exactly the same rules as you, chips, pizza etc is fine with fingers, everything else is cutlery only. It makes my teeth itch seeing kids eating non-finger food with their fingers

It's not something I can get worked up about at all, although mine are younger. I expect them to be careful and not make a mess on purpose but not much more than that. I'm more worried about them eating a healthy variety of food, chatting away etc. I'd be more inclined to gentle encouragement rather than nagging or strictness on this. No one wins when mealtimes are a battle.

Might be worth checking for sensory issues at play...Could try switching up to child ergonomic cutlery and see if he does better with that.

Thanks for all the replies! I do agree that mealtimes shouldn't be a battle, and I don't insist on everything being eaten, so long as some is eaten etc. We have nice chats etc, he loves to talk, and I often have to remind him to keep eating as he chats so much. Its nice really, but the nagging does ruin the mood. I think maybe part of it is my lack of patience, I've told him so often now that I can be quite narky about it, rather than just calmly reminding him.

This will probably go against the grain based on other threads I've seen on this, and good table manners are important but, I was often picked up for table manners as a child. It just made me anxious at meal times. I remember sitting at the table knowing that criticism would be coming my way. And to be honest, I don't think that my parents' comments weren't trying to dent my confidence. I was just a sensitive child.

Why is he using his hands? Does he struggle with motor skills? Sorry if you already are doing this, but is there anything that you could do outside of meal tines to work on his motor skills? That might help with the core issue, but keep mealtimes pleasant.

He's probably aware by not that he should be using cutlery so a gentler technique might be just say something like "Billy, fork" and letting him figure out what to do next, rather than ruining the mood of the meal. And if cutlery is important then it should be used at every meal. He probably doesn't understand why chicken nuggets can be eaten with his hands but not roast chicken. But I'm sure he'll pick it up in time and good table manners are important, but I think that having a positive relationship with food is more so.