2 year old won't sleep and constant tantrums

[Busymam123]

Hello, I'm past myself with my nearly 2 year old. Since she turned one she started having major tantrums where she hits, kicks, nips me and her dad. We have tried all sorts this past year to help her through them but nothing works. At the moment she has 20 mins lovely behaviour then 20mins of hitting and screaming. She's even started to try and hit the dog! She's never slept well nor ate well. We have tried going from two naps to one nap to a constant bedtime routine to keeping her up later to be exhausted ( tried these for considerable lengths of time to see if it works). I'm at my whits end, sick of Google for help, friends and family just say " it's just frustration and terrible twos" but it's now affecting me and my partner as we are exhausted and argue about what we could do.
Our first child was so easy so this has been quite a struggle although we know every child is different. I just want to enjoy her and to have a lovely time with her and times passing and I don't feel like it's been a very nice ride. Her childminder says she's never seen this side of her before 🤷‍♀️
Any advice would be great 👍

She's never slept well nor ate well. We have tried going from two naps to one nap to a constant bedtime routine to keeping her up later to be exhausted ( tried these for considerable lengths of time to see if it works).

For the sleep I'd recommend The Beyond Sleep Training Project on Facebook. Many children unfortunately sleep poorly for a long time, none of the things you have tried worked for our eldest either - it wasn't that we were/weren't doing something, it was just that he wasn't an easy sleeper. Spoke super early though

For the eating I'd recommend the book My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzalez (a paediatrician). Children at that age don't need to eat very much, are biologically hardwired to be super fussy (to stop them eating poison berries) and can tend to exist off milk and fresh air for long periods (especially if breastfed). Remember the division of responsibility: it's YOUR responsibility to decide what to offer but it's HER responsibility to decide what to eat. Try to make sure there's always at least one element to a meal that you KNOW she'll eat. If you serve up spaghetti, Bolognese, garlic bread and salad and she eats the garlic bread then fine, job done. Don't comment on what she eats (either positively or negatively).

I'm sorry I don't have any tantrum advice but I'm sure someone will shortly (or maybe while I've been writing this out...). The ToddlerCalm Facebook page is supposed to be very good, they do an online course too I think.