My lovely mum

[mylovelymum2311]

I’ve posted a few times on here about caring for my mum, I’m a student and she’s got long term disabilities which were always thought to be mental health .

Family are taking her into hospital today (A&E) as they’re worried she’s had a stroke and has dementia as a result - I’m not entirely sure what they expect A&E to do but GP isn’t doing much .

I’m 200 miles away at uni, very much alone, and I’m in pieces, I don’t want my lovely wonderful mum to forget me . I’ve got a bloody exam tomorrow and how can I focus on that; when my mum might be very seriously ill?

I don’t know what to do, and I keep thinking it’s all my fault; maybe I didn’t look after mum good enough or maybe I argued with her too much when I was a teenager or something . I said horrible things to my mum when I was struggling as a teenager and I haven’t always done my best to care for her and now I feel like I’m splitting in two .

What do I do? I haven’t got anyone else in the world . Just my mum my sister and me, it’s always been the three of us, and now I’m losing my family .

I'm really sorry I didnt rtft. I will say that I lost my DM a few years ago and in the aftermath, I made daft decisions and turned down opportunities that could've been the making of me now. Your time as a student is really very short. Please don't feel you have to sacrifice it.

@BitterTits

I'm really sorry I didnt rtft. I will say that I lost my DM a few years ago and in the aftermath, I made daft decisions and turned down opportunities that could've been the making of me now. Your time as a student is really very short. Please don't feel you have to sacrifice it.

Thank you I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mum too . I went round to my dads today and we had a good talk, with his wife too . Said realistically nothing I can do to change the diagnosis by worrying or crying . Which is easier said than done but said best way is constant distraction/blocking it all out. I did have a good - normal - conversation with mum last night which helped a lot, that was nice for a change . She’s living with my gran and my gran’s very good at controlling everything around her; she think she’s helping and she’s doing her best . Very difficult .

Can’t block it out tonight . Have emailed a friend but sat and cried and cried . I don’t know how to find a way through this . Just want to scream over and over again that it’s not fair . Even having stupid thoughts that I might somehow caused it by not going to church enough or something (brought up Catholic) . Stupid .

Sorry that you're feeling rubbish about this, completely understandable. Could you visit her before 20th, it might put your mind at rest? Sending unmumsnetty hugs

@legosunqueen

Sorry that you're feeling rubbish about this, completely understandable. Could you visit her before 20th, it might put your mind at rest? Sending unmumsnetty hugs

Thank you - I wish I could but trying very very hard to be practical, I finish uni placement that week and I’ve got a funeral next week too . So probably be more practical to get that all done first . GP is ringing mym tomorrow but not sure if that will achieve much, and then she’s got her neurologist on the Friday . Close friend is a GP and she said to expect mum to go back to neuropsychology and potentially for another brain scan . I spoke to a lovely lady on a helpline yesterday who said whenever I feel myself crying again to say, no, I’m not doing that just now, and to go on with my day . That’s easier said than done and I probably look an absolute lunatic telling myself out loud to stop but hopefully it works.