I am embarrassed by my 7yo help

[TryingToBeAGoodParent]

I will preface this with I have anxiety and depression, I constantly worry that I’m not good enough and I do put sometimes high expectations on both myself and DD.

DD is 7, and has some SN and medical needs. She appears younger than she is, around 4 or 5 rather than 7, she has problems with her speech and so she sounds younger than she is. School are not concerned though as its to do with her SN and medical issues.

She can be very repetitive in her speech, she’ll often randomly start counting or reciting the alphabet. And I find it frustrating and tiring. I’ve probably already heard them 5 times by 9am but she doesn’t stop, if you stop her she starts again.

She will also repeat something any man who’s walking near us says. So walking to school with my friends DD but it’s friends dad not my friend doing the school run she’ll repeat everything the granddad says to either DD or his GD.

I just find it so embarrassing and worry what he and others think of me. I find it frustrating as well. It happens a lot on the way to and from school, but often we can have normal conversation (albeit slightly random as she still has a lot of speech issues as I said).

She doesn’t have ASD but a speech issue, dyslexia and suspected dyspraxia as well as hypermobility, school say it’s her trying to make sense of things and repeating things is a good sign because she’s trying to understand what she’s been told. Apparently at school she will randomly repeat things I’ve said and ask what they mean which is also good.

I love her but I find her frustrating at times. We’re off school now for a week and I am so relieved, sorry if that sounds harsh.

For context it’s just me and her at home, she sees ExH EOW for 1 night only no extras ever.

Feel free to slaughter me, I deserve it.

My DD is 18 and her various conditions are complex - frankly people find it embarrassing to hear about so I have joined a number of support groups. I don't have any family who can help and I don't get any respite, apart from the occasional coffee maybe once a month but there is a local group for children with ANY developmental issues or disability; they run groups every week - I choose not to attend but I could. My friend set up an informal group - all our kids had different illnesses and conditions but that's still going there were 4 or 5 of us meeting once a month or every 6 weeks, and then there are so many online groups you can chat in. Finally I am on the parents' zoom group of a charity specific to one of my daughter's conditions and that's been a huge lifeline, we meet on zoom twice a month and can chat on WhatsApp between meetings. Search some of your DDs diagnosed illnesses on facebook to find the support groups.

I still feel like I am going mad sometimes, but all this helps.

@nitsandwormsdodger

Why is she having contact with a violent ex ? A contact centre would be moe appropriate surely Your daughter sounds stressed and you both need help with that contact your GP for anxiety help Also do you follow SEN mums in Instagram who are really unashamed if their kids I find them very empowering

Court ordered unsupervised contact, I tried my hardest to stop it but he's not seen as a risk to DD so unsupervised it is.

@dontgobaconmyheart

Do you suffer with social anxiety generally OP? The details of your DD aside for he moment, what you describe yourself feeling sounds so similar to my own social anxiety, the preoccupation with things reflecting on me and paranoia that others think I'm strange or are deducing negatives from me just being really, when it is very likely nobody is even really looking or cares.

It absolutely is exhausting, and that is before you adding in working, a (wonderful!) DD who requires additional support from you, parenting in general, a difficult experience with an ex partner, and the last few years hace been tough for so many. It doesn't mean you are 'embarrassed' of your DD or that anything reflects badly on her or you, just that you have your own challenges. There is no blame or guilt that needs to be attributed to suffering with anxiety, however it presents itself.

You're doing a wonderful job, don't doubt it.

I think I probably do has Social Anxiety in some form, I always get anxious before meeting new people especially in contexts I'm unsure of.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Have you told DDs friend’s dad that she has SEN? If you feel he is thinking your DD is being rude by repeating him, just have a quiet word and explain she has speech issues and the school has encouraged her to repeat what she hears to help with comprehension.

Don’t be embarrassed....we’ve all been there. I have DC with ASD and SEN and I remember the feeling of embarrassment all to well. It took an older parent telling me that the looks from other adults and such are usually looks of “been there, my child was like that,...” in support and compassion rather than judgement. Now I’m the older parent and that’s exactly what I’m thinking when I see a mum or dad coping with a small child melting down or being chaotic. I look a bit longer to see if I can help and also in sympathy as I remember how hard it is,
I agree with pp, that you deserve some support. You’re her carer almost 24/7 with no break. At least DH and I could give each other breaks...you don’t really have that. So find a way to get yourself a few child free hours a week. It will really help you to internally unwind.

I think thats a great idea to say to my friends dad about her repeating and why, she does it with a lot of men, my brothers another one she copies but I'm close to him so he obviously understands why.

No idea why it's men she copies rather than women though, which makes me even more anxious, probably because of what happened with ExH though.

No idea why it's men she copies rather than women though,

Hearing test? It may simply be that she hears/processes lower voices better than the higher voices of women or children.

@PlanDeRaccordement

No idea why it's men she copies rather than women though,

Hearing test? It may simply be that she hears/processes lower voices better than the higher voices of women or children.

She has regular hearing tests as hearing issues can be part of her medical condition but they've always said she's on the lower end of normal for hearing, not sure if that could be it?

For a better perceptive, today has been amazing. We've made bread and watched a film and she only copied the films speech (which is far more bearable). Yesterday we went swimming and to the library, she did copy her swimming teacher a lot which i know he finds annoying and she lost her goggles which was fun (did find them).

Glad you both had an amazing day OP. Sounds like your DD will have lots of happy memories. :)

I totally understand. I'm not a parent, but a retired teacher of children with learning difficulties and ASD. Echolalia can be mentally exhausting sometimes, and I only had five or six hours a day to listen to it. I once had a dream where someone gave me a remote control with a button to press to mute one of the children in my class who had it, and I can imagine his parents would have sold their souls for one.

In a classroom, distraction is reasonably easy (though not always!) but far harder I imagine when you're out, or just wanting a quiet evening.

By all means explain to the people she's most likely to copy, but otherwise try not to worry about anyone else.

@saraclara

I totally understand. I'm not a parent, but a retired teacher of children with learning difficulties and ASD. Echolalia can be mentally exhausting sometimes, and I only had five or six hours a day to listen to it. I once had a dream where someone gave me a remote control with a button to press to mute one of the children in my class who had it, and I can imagine his parents would have sold their souls for one.

In a classroom, distraction is reasonably easy (though not always!) but far harder I imagine when you're out, or just wanting a quiet evening.

By all means explain to the people she's most likely to copy, but otherwise try not to worry about anyone else.

That made me smile ,it would be lovely to mute my son for five minutes ,I adore him but he's the loudest person I know despite being non verbal 🤣

Honestly, I doubt anyone is thinking anything bad, they'll just be thinking its kids chatter.

I cared for a sibling with severe mental health problems. It was exhausting and worrying and heartbreaking but the art of not giving a shit what others think in public is really powerful. I didn’t care at all about what others thought, and I’d offer no explanation for my sibling’s behaviour. You are your daughters only advocate, don’t waste your precious energy being embarrassed.

You need to develop the attitude of not giving a shit. Your dd is who she is and people need to accept her and others as they come.

It's hard to learn and I used to feel like you and get embarrassed. I started going to a local support group and became empowered by other people's experiences and educating myself better.

My dd is 9 and autistic she has meltdowns where she lays on the floor and screams, kicks and punches us.
I usually ignore people around as I have to focus on her, but I will now call out people that say the worst things.

I understand ..completely.. and I'm 24 years into it (Ok 19..DS2 didn't speak til he was 5 but hasn't stopped since) He has ASD plus many extras and it took a long time before I was able to not care about what other people thought.. he's friendly, but randomly (used to sit on strangers in the park) and has no awareness of personal space... and now he's a 6 foot 12 stone man so his sudden uber friendly repetitive conversations can be a little startling to the unwary...

BUT you know what? The vast majority of people are very kind and friendly back! And those that aren't.. well that's life. He's very repetitive and some days it does drive me nuts.. I do remind him to stop after the third or fourth time, but he rarely takes any notice. It doesn't mean I love him any less.. I'm incredibly proud of him , but it IS wearing at times.

Learning to not care what others think is a skill in itself I think, and gets easier over time. This afternoon we were in London seeing a musical (DS2's obsession) He chatted to every random person queueing to get in, he regaled me with the stats of every production of Mama Mia and he held my hand the whole time we walked through London. I'm pretty sure that looks odd to the casual observer.. what 24 yr old holds his Mum's hand?! But he is who he is.. he's happy so I am too.
I'm pretty sure his repetitive speech is how he processes the world.

Hang in there..it gets easier :)

ITs echolalia. My son repeats sentences from films or bits of football commentary!

We're going on a day out and we have the excited repeating herself now, it's actually quite funny but will drain after awhile. i am also exhausted as she didn't sleep well last night - she's also asthmatic and was coughing a lot, LFTs negative and I'm not putting her through a PCR for only a nighttime cough (she's not coughing in the day at all).

I've filled in the form to speak to the GP for some more support.

Echolalia.

Bloody annoying. DD does it but not as much as yours. Equally annoying when I do it. (Usually when mega stressed)

Been an ok day, went to the arcade and I think she p**sed off the guy fixing the machines as she followed him around and copied him, I left with her soon after that.

It must be difficult for you. I found my DS challenging with his repetition and he didnt have special needs.

She sounds quite bright as she has found a coping strategy to make sense of the world.

We all have difficult days. You are doing a great job!

@TryingToBeAGoodParent

Been an ok day, went to the arcade and I think she p**sed off the guy fixing the machines as she followed him around and copied him, I left with her soon after that.

I don't get this, what is your problem? You know she can't help it, right? She has SEN.