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Original poster

Gift for the anniversary of losing parents

30 replies

littlepieces · 23/10/2021 22:38

It's coming up to a year since both my grandparents died from Covid and I'm not going to be able to see my mum exactly around the 'anniversary' because I can't get time off work. Any ideas for something thoughtful to send her? Not flowers, framed photos or anything cheesy/tacky though please :)

OP posts:
LaLaFlottes · 23/10/2021 22:47

I don’t know if this would be suitable but there is a company called the biscuiteers - beautifully iced biscuits in a tin - various themes etc. Just something a bit different. So sorry for you loss of your grandparents Flowers

Original poster
littlepieces · 23/10/2021 23:37

Thank you @lalaflottes

OP posts:
Afonavon · 24/10/2021 00:05

Windchimes?

Viviennemary · 24/10/2021 00:14

Betty's tea rooms do hampers and gift boxes by post.

Kite22 · 24/10/2021 00:15

I'm not really sure why you feel a gift would be a good idea.

Speaking as someone who has lost their parents, I'd be a bit Hmm if someone started sending me gifts.
I mean, if my parents had died when my dc were adults, and they made the time to speak to me, and let me know they were thinking of their grandparents, that would be nice, but I'm not sure it is a 'gift' occasion or certainly wouldn't be for me

MusingOnStarlight · 24/10/2021 00:27

@Kite22

I'm not really sure why you feel a gift would be a good idea.

Speaking as someone who has lost their parents, I'd be a bit Hmm if someone started sending me gifts.
I mean, if my parents had died when my dc were adults, and they made the time to speak to me, and let me know they were thinking of their grandparents, that would be nice, but I'm not sure it is a 'gift' occasion or certainly wouldn't be for me

It’s quite clearly a ‘thinking of you’ gift, acknowledging the difficult time. It’s not weird.
GoodVibesHere · 24/10/2021 04:18

I think it's odd to give a present, and could be upsetting (even if it is obviously given with love) as you just wouldn't expect to mark a sobre date with biscuits or a gift.

PennyWus · 24/10/2021 04:22

Just send a lovely card

Billandben444 · 24/10/2021 05:35

What about a special plant for the garden? Marking the first anniversary like this is kind but I'd be happy with just a phone call next year.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2021 05:57

I wouldn't be sending a gift, sorry. A heartfelt card would be appropriate, flowers or a plant at a stretch.

ScamTheSchool · 24/10/2021 06:26

It seems a bit odd to give a gift on such an occasion. I always make sure to call my parents on what would have been my grandparents birthdays, but we don't mark or give gifts on the day they died Confused

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 24/10/2021 06:29

Oh my goodness - I’m sure the OP knows her Mum well enough (certainly better than anyone on here) to feel sure that this is something that would be well received. Confused

If you don’t have any suggestions, then just scroll on by.

Sorry for your loss, OP. The first anniversary is really tough. Flowers

longestlurkerever · 24/10/2021 06:32

I was going to suggest a plant or tree for the garden idea if they have one. Or something very personal- music, a keepsake from their favourite place or something?

ChangingStates · 24/10/2021 06:42

I think something that she considers a treat- so could be a nice food treat, a bottle of something she drinks, or a pamper type thing- the idea being 'here's something to get you through a really horrible day'

Standrewsschool · 24/10/2021 07:56

I know you said not flowers, but what about a rose bush?

Original poster
littlepieces · 24/10/2021 11:45

MN responses to seemingly inoffensive posts never cease to surprise me! Thanks to those who understood what I meant.. Perhaps 'gift' wasn't the right word, I just meant something thoughtful to send to let her know I'm thinking of her a year after both her parents died in traumatic circumstances. Unfortunately I live 150 miles away and work for the NHS so it's pretty tricky to get time off to spend quality time with my mum right now... I call her near enough every day and visit often.

I was actually thinking of a plant (a sort of climber) for the garden that my grandparents always had in their garden, but just wasn't sure about whether the time of year would kill it off, but guess she could keep it indoors until spring? Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 24/10/2021 12:55

I’d say a plant as they last.

Roses can be planted as bare roots around now. I planted one just before DM died last October and call it my memorial to her.

Kite22 · 24/10/2021 16:09

LoveGrooveDanceParty and maybe those of us who have lost their parents might be aware of how it feels and what has / hasn't helped when other people respond to that ?

As several people have thought the same, then it clearly wasn't that 'odd' a response.

I think a plant of some kind for the garden, planted in memory of someone is a lovely thing to do - especially, littlepieces if it reminds them of happier times from the garden of the person / people who have died, but, I wouldn't make it an anniversary gift. I would bring it up in one of your regular conversations about how nice it would be to plant something in their memory and that you were thinking of trying to find out what that lovely climber was that they had, and what time of year it would be best to plant it, etc etc. I can think of a few plants that were planted in memory of different people and the families smile when they look out on them.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 24/10/2021 18:46

I’ve lost both my parents - but still don’t think I know the OP’s Mum better than she does.

The OP would like to acknowledge the date(s), can’t be there in person, and believes the gesture would be well received.

I think a plant would probably be the nicest idea.

DampSquidGames · 24/10/2021 19:29

I think I’d send a card and flowers.

GreyhoundG1rl · 24/10/2021 19:31

A gift is pretty inappropriate, imo.

saraclara · 24/10/2021 19:39

I'm not sure we can help (as the way this thread is going, shows)

Like several others, I've been bereaved, but I don't think I'd want to have received a gift on the anniversary of my husband's death. A card would be lovely, but otherwise it's not a date I want to focus on. Having said that, I know that to some people a death anniversary is a huge thing.

I tend to avoid sentimentality, but some people like it. So you know your mum. I still think a plant is better than a treat thing, though. There are lots of roses with nice names that invoke remembering a person.

Orangedaisy · 24/10/2021 19:43

Is there something they enjoyed together like a particular food or wine that you can send? So she can enjoy whilst remembering them/raising a glass to them? Even if you justeat it to them from somewhere local. My DP has his dad’s favourite beer on the anniversary of his death every year.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 24/10/2021 19:56

I’m sure your heart is in the right place but is it not possible you could express how you feel on one of the other 364 days of the year without this being an anniversary thing?! They tend to be saved for celebrations. Speaking from first hand experience, it’s not something I like to remember every year. I actually make a conscious effort not to remember these dates! I am sure they will appreciate one of these thoughtful gestures eg plant etc but not on the anniversary OP.

Helenluvsrob · 24/10/2021 20:14

I’d just like a card and a call.
My kids don’t mark the anniversary of their grand parents deaths but we talk about them often and actually that’s more important than to go back to the sad times