Growing apart from husband

[Louiae123]

So my husband and I have been together 7 years and married 4 , we have travelled and worked together and always got on and never really had any issues we never really been that touchy feely couple but never had any problems and always had same interests and be out and about
Recently had our first child now 6 weeks old and if I'm honest he's as useful as a chocolate tea pot but iv taken the responsibility and just get on with it
He works hard but come the weekend I expect him to want to spend time with us and do things even a dig walk however he just sits on his arse and watches TV which I definitely not me I enjoy being out and about which he knows . He will just say we will go in a minute I'm just relaxing and then it never happens and I end up going without him . Today he didn't get up until gone 12 ! He never wakes in the night either .
I understand he is working hard but I'm doing everything with our son and everything at home
I now think we just have different interest now and that we have grown apart and feel like we have no relationship any more .
Sorry long post just not sure whether I would be better without him .

You need to address this sooner rather than later otherwise the resentment will build and eat away at your relationship. You need to have a very serious chat about how you need to work as a team and parent your child together. When you have a child you need to renegotiate your roles in the house. If you're doing the lions share of childcare for example (which is common in the early months) he needs to pick up the slack and do more housework etc... he can't sleep in until 12 unless he gives you the equivalent time for a break. Don't just accept that he's useless otherwise you'll become the permanent default parent and you'll never come back from it.

You have two choices : continue as you are and resent the hell out of him. Or tell him clearly and assertively what you need. For example, "DH I need a nap today so in going to feed the baby then go for a sleep. Can you play with him for a bit, change his nappy then take him for a walk in the pram." Or, "DH, we have a pile of laundry to do and the kitchens a mess. I'll do the laundry if you tackle the kitchen"

Sometimes new parents just don't know what to do with newborns. You're learning too. But don't fall into roles and patterns that exclude him. Don't take over tasks that he can do. He can't feed (if you're breastfeeding but he can most certainly tidy up, do laundry, change nappies and take the baby our for fresh air.

Now that is just what I needed, thank you ladies I think it hurts me more that I say 'come on let's go for a walk ' and he just doesn't want to do anything just on his phone or watching tv .
Which he never used to be like this either and just getting more lazy which makes me resent him more when I thought he would want to .... but then makes plans with his friends to come over and stay the night .

What happens if you plonk baby on him and go for a shower? Or hand him baby and a nappy?

Ime talk to him now and put some ground rules in now or you might as well call it quits now

He will change nappies and have him for a sort while normally until he starts crying alot but then just sits there with a crying baby ....just sit there ..and waits for me to take him...
Showing is another issue he comes in from work filthy so I wait for him to shower so he can take baby so I can shower and well sometimes he won't shower until gone 9pm and by that point I don't get a chance
It's like if I ask him to shower he makes a point of not having one until late

You're asking in a way that suggests he's doing you a favour. He's not; it's his baby too. Half his responsibility; half yours So. Don't ask. Tell! "I'm going for a shower. Here's the baby" The world won't end if the baby cries a bit. Babies cry, let him figure out his own methods of making it better. Make yourself absent.

He also may be depressed, if he's acting so squared-eyed and numb and he's not normally like that. Ask him.

You’ve a few options - attempt to nip it in the bud, leave or accept it.

If it were me I’d be giving him the baby and going out. Possibly even checking into a hotel if you aren’t bf.

Why are you hanging around waiting for him ? Give him the baby and go.

Please stand up for yourself. In all honesty I bet you’ve been doing all the “wife work” for years and only just noticed.

Does he put a wash on ? Iron ? Cook for you ?