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Original poster

Is it considered acceptable now, to not acknowledge birthday presents/vouchers/baby gifts etc? Feeling a bit miffed!

25 replies

Wisteriabloom · 23/10/2021 11:06

For instance, my cousin had a baby boy around Easter time, I sent a gorgeous soft toy with my congratulations card, and never even heard if she received it! Well I know she did, as her mum, (my aunt) passed on her thanks to me when I saw her in the summer, but didn't hear anything from her directly!

Another example, I went on a day out for my friend's birthday in early September, there were 4 of us. I turned up at the place we were meeting (with a carefully chosen wrapped gift & card). My friend thanked me, then put it in her car with some other gifts she'd been given, to open on her actual birthday at the weekend. We've seen each other since, but she's never once mentioned my birthday gift to her!

Another example - (this is my mum, not me!) A family member got married recently, myself & my sister just sent cards, but my mum, being slightly closer to the couple, sent a £50 gift voucher. This was in July, she knows they received it as she paid for 'signed delivery' but hasn't heard a word from them!

It makes me feel like not putting the effort in, if gifts aren't appreciated! I do give because I want to (and we don't expect an over-the-top thank you), but surely some acknowledgement)? After my birthday or Christmas I've always set aside time to thank people for anything I'm given, and that's generally within a week of receiving something. Is anyone else with me on this?

OP posts:

WimpoleHat · 23/10/2021 11:10

I am! It’s rude. A call or text is fine; it doesn’t have to be a handwritten essay - but it’s very rude not to acknowledge a gift in a timely manner. (I’d say “timely” = within a fortnight, but you cut a lot more slack for someone who’s just had a baby!)

Somanysocks · 23/10/2021 11:13

There are no excuses for not acknowledging and saying thank you for a gift, it's just rude not to. It takes a minute to message someone.

Gertie75 · 23/10/2021 11:16

I tend to say thank you when I receive the gift but then don't send another thank you when I've opened it, I don't expect it from people who I give presents to though.

It's not that I'm ungrateful, it genuinely means a lot when people think to buy me something and wrap it up but I suppose in my mind I've already thanked them.

The only time I contact people for a second thank you is when I receive money in a card, I'm self employed and at Christmas sometimes receive a card, which I thank them for, then when I open it they've put money inside so I then call them to thank them for the money.

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Pinkbrush · 23/10/2021 11:24

I’ve experienced similar OP. Manners are definitely going down the drain. Noone owes anyone a gift, so when someone does get you a gift, for me it’s important i make a bit of a fuss and show them how much I appreciate it.

I actually decided to stop buying a family gifts after spending fair amounts of money on them and getting a “thanks” text.

squashyhat · 23/10/2021 11:26

I'm getting fed up with it as well. Christmas, birthday, new baby, wedding gifts in the past 18 months. None acknowledged at all. I'm seriously considering curtailing my Christmas shopping this year to people I will only actually see in person on the day so they will have to say thank you.

ChloeCrocodile · 23/10/2021 11:36

In your examples:
1 - you know the new mum received the gift and was grateful for it. The thanks was passed on, and while not perfect manners I think it is harsh to judge new parents for not using correct etiquette as many find having a newborn really hard work.
2 - your friend said thank you to you when you gave the gift. I wouldn’t have expected more than that tbh.
3 - they were rude. Definitely should have sent a thank you to your mum.

Personally, I send a thank you text when I receive a gift through the post or via a third party. If I am handed a gift I say thank you at the time so wouldn’t consider sending a message another time as well.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 23/10/2021 11:38

I stopped sending presents for birthday and Christmas to some family members children. None of them were ever acknowledged, let alone a thank you. It’s so easy to send a text now and if people can’t be bothered to do that, I can’t be bothered to send anything.

KrispyKale · 23/10/2021 11:39

I let the new parents biff!

KrispyKale · 23/10/2021 11:39

"Off" of course.

rookiemere · 23/10/2021 11:43

It is of course to say thank you for gifts received, but written communication is no longer used for pretty much anything else, so I don't understand those getting annoyed about just receiving a text.

Cantstopthewaves · 23/10/2021 11:48

I've stopped buying gifts for family members who can't even acknowledge and thank me for gifts sent.
Bought a cousin a 1st Christmas gift for her son last Christmas (she's never bought for my dc so perhaps I shouldn't have bothered) and spent ages chosing a beautiful soft toy rattle. I've no idea if she even received it.
Cashmere scarf for an Aunt- again no idea if it was received.
Gifts for a friend- no thanks and not even a card for my Birthday.
They can bog off.

Original poster

Wisteriabloom · 23/10/2021 12:10

It seems that many of you have had similar experiences🤔

The 'wrapped gift' example though - If I'm handed a wrapped present, to open at a later date, I obviously thank the person at the time, but my thanks is for a package I have no idea what's inside! Once I've opened it I'll always follow up with a 'thank you for the scarf/gin/candles etc', I wouldn't feel I'd thanked them properly otherwise!

OP posts:

Doyouknowtheway · 23/10/2021 12:10

I send a thankyou text if not already said it in person. Once I received a small thankyou card from my Daughter's friends Mum for her DD Birthday gift, about a week later, she'd already thanked us on the day. I wasn't sure if to send a thankyou for the thanks card...do people get carried away not in being polite but showing off their manners?

BringMeTea · 23/10/2021 12:39

Yes, it is shit. No excuse. And increasingly common.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 23/10/2021 12:47

@Wisteriabloom

It seems that many of you have had similar experiences🤔

I agree with you OP

I say thank you when I receive a gift in person but if I open it later I also call or message to say thank you for the lovely teddy bear or whatever.

Last year I bought nice hand wash and hand cream sets for my aunts and uncles (instead of the usual box of chocs that seem to be passed around) and was surprised not to get a thank you when they opened them or something sort of acknowledgment that they were a nice / useful gift. One of them gave me a box of matchmakers so... this year I am just buying a box of chocolates each for them!

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 23/10/2021 12:49

With one of them who did buy me something nice I messaged to say "thank you for x and y, just what I needed etc" and she said glad I liked them but still didn't mention my gift to her abs I wondered for a while whether she had somehow not got it!

AmyDudley · 23/10/2021 13:22

I always thank people - usually by email (I used to write letters, and still do sometimes). If I am handed a gift to be unwrapped later, I thank at the time, and then when I've opened the gift so I can be specific in my thanks, - thanking them for their thoughtfulness in choosing and saying why I like the gift and how nice it is etc.
I choose to do this - I don;t expect emails from others, but I do expect a text or phone cal to thank me.
My nieces always email thanks, and the last time I've given baby gifts and wedding gifts I've had thank you cards from the parents.

The only time there's been a problem was when my son got married - he got a card from a relative, and then a bit later a rude letter from their daughter asking why he hadn't thanked her Mum for the cheque - answer because there was no cheque in the card. But he didn't want to embarrass her by saying no cheque sent, so just wrote apologising for delay and thank for the cheque (he didn't even know how much it was supposed to be for). Never heard any more about it - but I would have thought she'd notice on her bank account that no cheque had been cashed.

But I do think you should always acknowledge a gift so the sender knows it has been received and appreciated, and if people don't bother then I'd stop sending gifts. An email takes five minutes to write.

CruellaDeVilla · 23/10/2021 13:29

I’ve just sent various nieces and nephews presents including fairly expensive jewellery and was only thanked when I texted to ask if it had been received. It’s really rude! YANBU

Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 23/10/2021 13:33

Yanbu.
Its rude and manners cost nothing!

FinallyHere · 23/10/2021 21:35

do people get carried away not in being polite but showing off their manners?

DH's family have not been brought up to say thank you.

In my family, the older generation insisted on hand written thank you letters whereas I'm perfectly happy with a text / email so long I know it arrived safely.

Over the decades, DH has come round to our way of thinking.

I stopped complaining about having to write thank you letters when I first received one myself. xx

FrancesFlute · 23/10/2021 21:49

I always thank. For myself and now for my three year old. A quick card for older relatives, an email, phonecall or text if not. My DH's brother has three children (eldest is 8) and not once EVER have we received even an acknowledgement rather they've received any birthday/Christmas cards or gifts. I don't want a handwritten letter, honestly I'd be happy with a quick text that takes 10 seconds for the parents to write. I find it very rude they can't manage that on the kids' behalf.

LadyCleathStuart · 23/10/2021 22:25

I think I would let the new parents away with it as they have enough on their plate. With my first baby I got so many presents but spent the first few weeks in a "omg what have we done!" type of shock, mixed with sleep deprivation so I honestly have no idea if I said thank you to everyone or not.

But the rest is a bit rude yes.

We only really have one relative who posts presents (the rest are given - and thanked - in person) and we always message thanks. On the kids birthdays we record a message of them saying thank you etc. and send it instead of a text as it is more personal and they love seeing them 'in person' rather than just getting a text from us although I wouldn't do that if we had multiple people to send ones too, that would be a faff but I would still send a text at least.

Moofart · 23/10/2021 23:35

I'm with you op! It is so rude and seems so many people don't even bother sending a thank you!

Original poster

Wisteriabloom · 29/10/2021 15:01

Absolutely, Moofart! I totally agree, and when you've spent time and money choosing something special it's quite hurtful!

OP posts:

Liverbird77 · 29/10/2021 15:08

So rude.
I send handwritten thank you cards. It's the least I can do.
If it's such a massive hassle, people could have them in, along with a couple of books of stamps.

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