How to accept my life

[Binglebang]

Hi everyone

I am very unhappy in my life at the moment. I have tried numerous ways to try and make things better but am realising that I somehow need to come to a place of acceptance. I am finding this very hard to do though - because I want more for myself and can’t make my peace with where I am.

My ex had an affair and left a couple of years ago. I have 2 D.C., one with SEN who cannot access childcare or have a babysitter. My ex’s new partner is horrible to my D.C. so now D.C. can’t go there. The SEN makes DC very challenging at times behaviour wise. I’m fighting to get him support at school which is very hard. I also work full time which I have to do around picking DC up ( very very grateful for my lovely work). I have no family help at all.

Found the last year or so very hard. I’m a naturally sociable person and desperately miss interactions and socialising. Work is now largely wfh so have lost that one outlet. I have no time for myself at all - just kids and work and domestic stuff. Just feel so very trapped but can’t see anyway of changing things and am recognising that raging about it internally isn’t helping me. I just want a life, to rebuild my life, maybe even have a partner again eventually. It feels like something that is core to who I am is just slowly dying away.

Sorry this sounds over the top and I know there are others who have it worse than me.

I should say these suggestions are all really helpful. I have really tied to stay positive for a long time but think I’d just got to a place of it all seeming hopeless and then it’s hard to think of even small things to do. So many thanks

OP, this is absolutely not a criticism of you but the phrase 'ask ex to babysit' suggests you think he's doing you a favour to look after his child. He's not. They are his children. He's not babysitting he's parenting. At the very least he should spend Friday and Saturday nights with them every other weekend so you get to socialise. Ideally he should have them the whole weekend EOW.

No wonder you are exhausted and feeling down. Agree the children's father should be doing more to parent his children, despite what his new partner says. I understand you don't want them going there but can he take them away somewhere else for a couple of nights regularly. Is it a bit easy for him just to turn up at yours. You need time to yourself and he needs to step up. You are doing an amazing job.

You should set up a regular routine as suggested by PP where he has set days he takes the children. Preferably not at your house. Despite what the new partner says.

Contact your local carers organisation and SEN schools to see if they can recommend a babysitter. You're in this for the long haul so you need to protect yourself and your mental health to look after your kids sustainably, you burning out will be worse than them getting used to a babysitter.

Can you get any help around the house? Have you read the Marie kondo book? Also this is going to sound patronising and weird but are your diets good? Gut health seems to be linked to behaviour and mood, so make sure your diet is rich in prebiotics and probiotic. Also fresh air and vitamin d.

Thanks everyone - and yes I do take the point re babysitting! I think I used it because it would be at my house but it’s a good point.

They definitely cannot go to his - it is now damaging to my DS and he becomes hysterical ( they have had to return as too upset to stay on a number of occasions). I agree though he needs another plan, which also can’t just be trailing around with them outside. It might work suggesting they go away for a few days at set intervals ( although this is tricky with due to DS anxiety).

Good luck OP, you have had a hard time of it, you shouldn't be taking all the responsibility yourself.