ASD repetitive behaviour

[ShepherdMoons]

Dsis is struggling with my dn, she is 7 and gets on well with my own dd (8). Dn finds school hard and has very few friends there, dn makes friends easily but then is unable to keep them (she is out of step with other kids). This weekend they came to our house and dn spent most of her time running around the living room flapping a scarf. It’s like a constant repetitive movement, she talks at the same time (seems to be playing). dsis says dn does this all the time at home. Could this be linked to ASD? Is it like stimming?

Could be.
Any sensory issues?

Yes, sounds very like stimming. It is a self-regulation mechanism. If it’s not causing any harm or putting her in danger I would just accept it.

Does your DN have an ASD diagnosis? It’s not clear in your OP.

Yes, it’s quite common with ASC. She is using it as processing time. She will eventually teach herself to do it more slowly and quietly. Do check to see if it bothers her, if it does, encourage Mum and daughter to find coping strategies together.
(I worked as part of an assessment team, now retired).

She may need support in how to maintain friendships. eg generally with girls there needs to be “proof of friendship” everyday (waving hello, offering to play together, sitting together etc) or else girls will feel that she’s not my friend anymore.
Typically at this age in boys friendships you can join in a football game after not looking at each other for months and still be considered friends.

Children can be quite accommodating of quirks like stimming as long as the other invisible rules of friendship are being observed.

In the relationship between your dd and dn, there are a lot of structural supports - being together and interacting happens because the adults come together (it’s not dependent on her initiating or organising), there is a solid narrative about being cousins, they are in a closed environment so they seem to be playing together even if they’re not actually, etc.

The advice I’d be giving to your Dsis is a) to investigate a diagnosis and b) to be the best play date house she possibly can be and have regular 1:1 play dates. Have some very attractive toy or activity in her house to tempt dc to come.

She's not been diagnosed, dsis says she can flap the scarf for long periods of time. Having seen her doing this she's not unhappy and seems completely in her own world while she's doing it. She's quite black and white about things too, she doesn't really understand nuances much.

I think the only harmful thing is that dn seems different at school and is quite immature in some ways. I'm not sure what advice to offer dsis.

Thanks @thelegohooverer I think our posts crosses, that's great advice x

A lot of dc with sn can seem immature in comparison to their peers, sometimes lagging 3 years behind.

I think it’s really important to move from the mindset of “Something wrong with my child” to “how do I help my child in every possible way”. You haven’t said anything to suggest that’s an issue, but I’m throwing it in there because it can be a barrier to seeking a diagnosis. People think of it as a label, but it’s really more like a key to unlock, not just services, but patience and understanding.

Thank you, dsis is going to speak to the GP.

Dn takes things very literally, we are not sure if this is also rated to possible ASD. It has caused problems for her though as other children prank her a lot, she believes what they say and finds it hard to change that idea even when told its a prank.