Getting parents to volunteer

[Macey78]

I'm a parent rep for the team my daughter plays football on. On match days we need parents to volunteer to act as lines person and at home matches to help set up.

On the group what's app no one ever volunteers for this or help set up. There are 1 or 2 parents who accidentally arrive early on match days and if they see there's Help needed with setting up will do this.

I need to say in a nice but firm way that as parents of your players you need to support the team by helping set up and acting as lines person. My husband has done this quite a few times. When I've spoken to other parent reps they have said they don't seem to have a problem there's always someone ready to volunteer for lines-person and help with setting up at a home game. Any advice with wording greatly appreciated.

I was on our PTA for years. Whatever you say it won't make a bit of difference. Well, it will for a week then it'll just go back to how it was before.

We had the same group of about 2 or 3 people who would help on top of our (very small) PTA and that was it. You would ask people and they would agree then let you down at the last minute. They were always the people that shouted loudest if an event couldn't go ahead because of people dropping out (usually them) because 'it's for the kidz why are you cancelling' etc. We only had to cancel a few events and I can very clearly remember coming out of a really important meeting at work to find a lengthy voicemail from one mum complaining about how we were letting the children down. It didn't seem to occur to her that the fact that both she and her husband had pulled out at the last minute because she 'wanted to enjoy it herself' was the final straw and that there were safety implications.

Then there are the ones who expect not to pay for their kids at a fundraiser because they agreed to hand out flyers.

It's always the same.

I agree that things need to be made clear from the start about what constitutes volunteering. I’m often put off by the small team of people who always end up doing everything (though I’m obviously very grateful for them). It does seem like an in-crowd and their standards are often higher than mine so it can feel like a longer time commitment than it needs to be.

Parkrun manages the volunteers well, with a volunteer coordinator. That said, they’re still very keen on having more volunteers than is strictly necessary eg photographer. At school I have helped at many a stall where there are too many volunteers tripping over each other with lots of standing around when it’s quiet. I’d like to be able to just man the tombola around the time it’s needed rather than giving up a whole morning/afternoon to stand around.

Some of the PTA events are really expensive for a family ticket so it would be good to get some sort of a discount. DH takes the kids, they buy loads of sweets, stay for about 20 mins then they clear off. I’m still standing around all morning manning a quiet stall. I’d like to be able to feed this back but it sounds like I’m being critical of the key people and their decisions when I do appreciate the time and effort spent.

In some cases people have events experience so the expectations for running a slick event are very high with corporate-standard flyers being professionally printed (which seems like a waste of time, money and resources to me when I know they just get binned). I wouldn’t mind volunteering on specific, prearranged tasks as suggested by a PP (and being dismissed at the end of your duty instead of hanging around and making a one person job use five people). So low key, defined tasks are fine IMO but it can feel like it’s not enough compared to the core group so people just opt out completely.

I volunteered for well over a decade with guiding across all sections. I gave up partly due to a deterioration in my disability, but mainly as I worked out I’d spent, on top of a 60+ hr work week, 50 out of the preceding 52 weekends doing events, sleepovers, camps, pack holidays, training, admin, accounting, planning & making stuff.

And my kids (now adults) didn’t even go to scouting & guiding as kids.

I volunteered when needed with the stuff my kids did go to; I don’t know a horses head from it’s arse but still volunteered at my daughter’s events. Son was easier, acting & drama every weekend, no biggie, trained as a drama teacher, but I helped out in whatever capacity was needed.

My husband & I divided & conquered mostly, being pulled across the county each weekend, but knew the activities we paid for enriched our kids’ lives, so when the call went out for help, we helped.

The point is, and I could really go on a massive rant about the guiding stuff; they are your kids. Paying a few quid a term does not turn these volunteers into default cheapo kennelling services so you can pop for a Saturday morning coffee or, in one particular case, sod off to Tenerife whilst you are unpaid, in my case as self employed with no holiday pay, looking after your Flossie for a week.

Even if you don’t know the offside rule, or physically can’t, there will be something you can offer to help out.

And it teaches your children a valuable lesson lesson about giving back, helping out & knowing you’re part of a community.

You had them, it’s up to you to help or that activity may not be there anymore.

I did note that it was the parents who were often on the lowest paid jobs, the emergency service workers & the longest hours who would be the first to volunteer their help. The rich, career parents? They just made you feel like you were just a holding facility while they got on with their more important than your lives. And they were the most ungrateful & condescending areas too. And they’d always have the unhappiest kids.

I think there’s a lesson in that somewhere.

My husband & I divided & conquered mostly, being pulled across the county each weekend, but knew the activities we paid for enriched our kids’ lives, so when the call went out for help, we helped.

There was only me. My ex never did anything. Ever.

It’s easier when there’s two of you.

What could I have done? How DARE you assume you know what I could and couldn’t do.

I worked full time. Went to uni part time for qualifications to improve my kids lives. Co I’d earn more. Did a night a week at guides plus weekends with them. And had 3 kids to take to various sports during the week and on the weekends.

Was a carer for a terminally ill parent too and when I needed to step back to enable me to care for my parent, the guides folded coz no one would step up.

I am also significantly disabled. How dare you say there will be something I can do. You don’t know me and my life.

@YourFinestPantaloons

Thinking about it, the players are expected to help set up not the parents. Part of the "there's no i in team" message

There is a 'me', though!

My old line manager's head would explode every time I said that.
Which I only said because he said the other cliche first.

On another note, OP, where I work we get 5 days a year volunteer leave and man alive they don't shut up about it.
It's tedious in the extreme and they seem to have forgotten the meaning of the word 'volunteer'.

It is a bit different for you, in this example, though.
Like a PP said, i'd go hardline 'we'll have to cancel this event, blah, blah' and see how many takers you have.

I volunteered at school once and it was a constant stream of tickings off from the lovely teacher.
Don't do that, stand over there, we don't do it like that, etc.

We couldn't do right for doing wrong, so I haven't bothered again.
Which is another reason why the same parents volunteer again and again...they seem to know the drill, y'know?

Could that possibly be an issue, do you think?
Parents not feeling confident enough to help out?

I dunno...🤷🏻‍♀️

Is there an older/ teenage side that plays later in the day? Could you pay some of the older kids /players to do it. At least they know the rules.

What happens at your away matches ? You still need a linesman, preferably who knows in advance to have football boots on . Seen many a parent skidding down the line in trainers / shoes .

What does the £25 a month cover? Maybe just increase it by a few pounds a week and pay someone to help out?

For all of you saying you pay for the activities,I assume it’s for club sport and that doesn’t cover staff Are you prepared to pay more to cover paid staff so there is no need for volunteers?

I couldn’t even have afforded £25 a month x 3 for activities.

But would I seriously be expected to tell a random person at a club all the ins and outs of my life as to why I couldn’t help?

You just reminded me that l used to volunteer in a school - the class teacher was lovely but the TA was so rude to me, obviously thought l wanted her job. I only stayed 2 terms. Wasn't worth it!

@Frannibananni

For all of you saying you pay for the activities,I assume it’s for club sport and that doesn’t cover staff Are you prepared to pay more to cover paid staff so there is no need for volunteers?

I was one of the ones who volunteered (more than the designated rota as there were a number of people who refused) but yes I absolutely would have rather paid a few pounds extra. Ideally I’d say maybe float the idea of an option of paying more or being a volunteer. It may be difficult to have a mixture of the two though

Cheap childcare if people think £25 a month covers them for 2 training sessions a week plus matches. What would that be, less than £2 an hour?

God it’s so hard to volunteer these days when paid working conditions are as they are. Some sectors have cut staffing to the bone so something that would have been done by 2 people 30 years ago is now down by one person run ragged. Years ago you seeemed to get scheduled tea breaks where you actually went in a different for a proper break. Clocking in and out at set times and it wasn’t expected thst you’d do unpaid overtime. Now breaks have either disappeared or people are too overloaded yo take it and have to work through breaks and lunches, and stay late. People have nothing left to give at the end of a working day, energy-wise. Housing costs have gone up so much that in families both parents are working FT with long hours, there is no-one picking up the slack at home to make sure there is clean uniform and enough food for packed lunches for next day while the other parent is out volunteering. Somewhere amongst all the busyness we need to make time to give our own kids attention, and often ageing parents too.

It’s just modern society. We are all run ragged.

Op I think you need to do a rota , I'm currently sat at a football match (5 pitches I total) at the beginning everyone seems to chip in , goal nets up , flags in , those with younger children walk the pitch picking up sticks ect . At the end when it's the team talk they get it all in . Put it to them the match can't go ahead without help if no one wants to help fees will go up to pay someone. Running the line is different not everyone's thing , but don't worry your match official knows the off side rule and will override and bad calls from the linesman / woman

Don’t offer to pay people as this can get very complicated and you’ll be making too much work for yourself. These are clubs are voluntary and either parents pull their weight or they can’t run. Approach them individually and see if that works. People who volunteer’s kids get more game time/ cups of tea. If still no one steps forward, threaten a rota with kids whose adults won’t help potentially getting dropped. It’s sounds harsh but it can be the only way to motivate lazy parents who think they’re paying for a professional service.

No idea what the answer is, volunteering is something I enjoy, it's a major part of my life but It clearly doesn't appeal to a lot of people

The problem is that a lot of people are burnt out and exhausted from working (a lot of full time jobs are now more than full time) and the mental/physical load at home. I wouldn't volunteer because frankly I am just about keeping my head above water and just don't have anything left in me to give

I've been in both situations at school - I was very involved in PTA because I had the time ( working part time) when I went back to full time I just didn't have the time and used the time he was activities to get stuff done.
For extra curricular activities I would make the time because even if paid for they just don't have the extra resources needed to make the clubs run well. If there was a rota and I knew that I could book my day well in advance and there would be something for me to do when I was there - Yes I would regardless of who is or isn't helping. But it's easier for me because For these events I am usually watching anyway as I am transporting to and fro and see it as a time to spend focused on them, get to see a couple of parents and after the event get to have a conversation on something the kids want to talk about.

I have a 4 day activity to take my youngest to. It's in the middle of nowhere - and too far to come home they should take packed lunch for this reason - And parents can't stay.l! I'd rather help out in this case.

@PrincessPaws

No idea what the answer is, volunteering is something I enjoy, it's a major part of my life but It clearly doesn't appeal to a lot of people

The problem is that a lot of people are burnt out and exhausted from working (a lot of full time jobs are now more than full time) and the mental/physical load at home. I wouldn't volunteer because frankly I am just about keeping my head above water and just don't have anything left in me to give

I agree - I have taken up a volunteer role over the last few months. It works well because I now WFH. I couldn't have done this before - I was too exhausted. I still have the wrk to do - it just means I can do some at the weekend and evenings. I actually enjoy volunteering- a month ahead we say the days we can do once a week / Month / quarter. So you don't feel under pressure to commit to something you may not be able to keep to. When I return to the office I won't have the capacity to continue which is a shame.

Those of you suggesting "just put the fees up and pay people", who do you suggest "just" carries the extra administrative burden and legal responsibilities that go with having paid employees? I'm pretty sure the elected officers of the clubs that I am involved with would tell you to fuck right off if you suggested to us that we might like to take that on on top of all the other stuff we do .It is not simply a matter of taking a handful of cash out of the weekly subs and putting it in a brown envelope.

I love what I do and don't expect anything other than the satisfaction that comes from knowing you've done a decent job, but I don't want to essentially run a business, and I would walk away if I were asked to. There are enough rules, regulations and legal responsibilities involved in running a club as it is.
Teenage helpers aren't an easy answer either. I've never read the FAs Safeguarding policy but I can't imagine it is radically different to that of either of the sports I'm involved in, and U18 volunteers are basically the same as U18 participants - they need appropriate adult supervision. Not that they are useless - we do have Young Volunteers in our clubs and they are much appreciated - but you do need to have a sufficiency of appropriately trained adults in the club to supervise them as well as running the actual activity.
If you want paid staff and zero parental input then you need to pay proper money and find an activity for your children that is run as a business - there are plenty of them after all - but community sports clubs need volunteers.

Honestly im a single parent and if my kids clubs started insisting that i got a job because my kids attended i wouldn't let them go. My head is full up getting through the day as things are. It's not 50 years ago. I suggest you fold the club. It sounds really stressful.

@Qwertykeys

Op I think you need to do a rota , I'm currently sat at a football match (5 pitches I total) at the beginning everyone seems to chip in , goal nets up , flags in , those with younger children walk the pitch picking up sticks ect . At the end when it's the team talk they get it all in . Put it to them the match can't go ahead without help if no one wants to help fees will go up to pay someone. Running the line is different not everyone's thing , but don't worry your match official knows the off side rule and will override and bad calls from the linesman / woman

I think people are misunderstanding the OP's situation. The above is what she is aiming for, it's the same as my kids football. All she's asking from parents is literally 10 minutes at the start of the game and 5 minutes at the end, during time when they would be standing around waiting for their kids anyway. Many hands make light work and all that. In my experience (sexist though I may seem), there's always a dad or 2 who loves running the line and enjoys it when they get started.

Some people really are just incredibly selfish and entitled. It's very clear to everyone involved that the coaches running the show are giving up their time for free, they really do ask for minimal support from parents.

Completely understand that not everyone is in a position to do the physical work required but the vast majority are and simply can't be bothered. I know a lot of these people well, they honestly just don't want to do it so don't bother and stand around watching others do it.

I also volunteer at Cubs despite the fact that my children are older and have moved on, because I appreciate the time that the volunteers take to run an operation that my children get so much from. When my kids were younger I didn't have the time to offer but now they are older and less reliant on me I give something back. I still don't exactly have a lot of time (work FT in a busy job, as does DH) and I thought carefully before agreeing, but the Cubs would have had to close without a new leader.

My point is that you can't decide if someone is bothered or not. People are fighting all kinds of fires in their own lives.

Being really honest I’d rather spend more and the team hire an assistant to do these jobs. I just really don’t have the time or headspace.

You can’t expect your children to attend an activity unless you are prepared to pay a proper rate to cover staff, equipment and facilities or you and the other parents are prepared to commit to volunteering on a regular basis.