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Original poster

Should I contact my child's dad again or leave it be?

25 replies

mumtobee22 · 21/10/2021 22:30

A lot of bad stuff involving police and stuff has happened between me and my child's father. My baby is now 11 weeks old tomorrow. I had no contact with him throughout the pregnancy until recently I wrote him a letter and attached a few photographs inside. After receiving this letter he got in contact saying he wants to see his son. He says he has to confirm it with the police first as he's unsure what his bail conditions are. Two weeks have past and there has been no word of him since. Last I spoke to him he was very keen to meet his son and said he didn't want to miss anymore of his life. His parents were in contact also and they said the same. No word from them either. Do you think I should chase it up again or let them go and let them come to me. I was going to bring the child up to them this weekend and surprise them but I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
IsDaveThere · 21/10/2021 23:04

Leave it, and definitely don't go up this weekend to surprise them,

Police are involved and he has bail conditions - do you really want this person in your child's life?

MartyHart · 21/10/2021 23:05

Don't do it

BritInAus · 21/10/2021 23:51

This sounds like a train crash waiting to happen. Why on earth would you want to involve this man/his family?!
Honestly, kids need stability and love. One decent parent is a million times between than one decent one and one nightmare. (I say this as someone who did everything I could to protect my DC from their 'nightmare' parent).

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Gingerkittykat · 22/10/2021 00:00

I'm assuming the reasons the police were involved during the pregnancy were due to violence/ abuse towards you?

You really don't need this man manipulating you via your son for the next 18 years.

I definitely don't think you should surprise them since you don't know how they will react.

JustLyra · 22/10/2021 02:10

Never chase anyone to be in your child's life.

Anyone who wants to be a part of their life will contact you. If they don't bother then it tells you what you need to know.

Yogawankonobi · 22/10/2021 02:13

Why are you so desperately chasing him?

Strangevipers · 22/10/2021 02:16

No maybe his bail conditions stop him from contacting you

Stay out of it

Focus on your baby

bigbeautwoman · 22/10/2021 03:00

God no! Why ?

Grizzlydog · 22/10/2021 06:40

You have the choice to quietly slip away and bring your child up with no drama, no police involvement. Why would you want the father involved? Yes it's nice for children to have 2 parents but its far better for them to have 1 stable loving parent than 2 unstable, unhappy ones.
You need to have a think about who this will benefit and also once he has established contact with this child the family courts will look on him much more favourably than if he didn't.

megletthesecond · 22/10/2021 06:44

Never chase him up. Leave it.

Your life and your sons life will be so much better without him in it.

My DC's haven't see their dad in 13 years and they have it so much easier than friends who have nightmare semi-absent parents dipping in and out of their lives. Or worse, an irresponsible abusive parent who shows up and creates problems.

Luckytattie · 22/10/2021 06:45

A lot of bad stuff involving police and stuff has happened between me and my child's father

Should I contact my child's dad again or leave it be?

Do you really need to ask? Jesus Christ.

It sounds like you want to get back with him and you're using the baby as a way to do that.

Then the abuse will start on not just you, but you're baby too.

Get a grip

RampantIvy · 22/10/2021 06:48

No. Your baby needs calm stability in his life. Trying to keep in contact with the father will just cause trouble.

Leave the past behind you for your son's sake.

MamaTutu2 · 22/10/2021 06:52

If you’re taking your son to see unsuitable people, that will raise questions about your ability to adequately safeguard your child and could potentially flag with social services, don’t do it.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 22/10/2021 06:53

Baby hormones - let's blame that, else it's insanity.

Why these actual hell would you draw this twat back into your life, let alone your child's??

If it were me I'd be contacting my solicitor, telling them I'd made a really stupid mistake and can they help me - does his bail condition mean he still has to stay away & can they please write to remind him that's the case despite me being a twat & contacting him.

Your son does NOT need him in his life!!

Enterifyoudare · 22/10/2021 06:56

If was going to ask the police if his bail conditions would allow it and the you never heard from him again.

What do you think that means? To me it is obviously screaming that his bail conditions means he can't speak to you.
If that's the case, you were likely the victim in offences?
I would not be letting him anywhere near my child.

If you contact him, you are potentially encouraging him to break the law BTW.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 22/10/2021 08:12

No. Definitely not.

MintJulia · 22/10/2021 08:16

Don't do it.

Your job is to protect your son and provide you both with a decent life. One good parent is infinitely better than two bad ones.

GinIronic · 22/10/2021 08:19

I hope this isn’t real. How can anyone be so oblivious?

clockover · 22/10/2021 08:21

Do you think I should chase it up again

I don't think you should have done it in the first place, let alone do it again Hmm

girlmom21 · 22/10/2021 08:38

Jesus Christ protect yourself and your child.

KILM · 22/10/2021 08:40

Another one here whose wondering if by chasing contact with this man you might get social services thinking you are at risk of getting back with him and exposing your child to a violent home.

BlackeyedSusan · 22/10/2021 09:05

It's hard. There is a lot of negative press about single mothers and a lot of official stuff about it is good for children to have contact...

Not every parent is suitable though.

Rainbowheart1 · 22/10/2021 09:07

Doesn’t sound like his someone you should want in your babies life….don’t they deserve better?

TheChip · 22/10/2021 09:10

Why?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/10/2021 09:15

Depends what he's done. My dad was in prison for various things and although I had contact with him it did absolutely nothing for my well being and I went NC myself at age 11.

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