How to cope with life when someone you love is dying.

[mpsssm]

This must be such a common situation for so many people, yet feels impossible to me at the moment.

I am a single mum to a just turned 11 year old daughter. My ex has no contact and we broke up dreadfully about two years ago.

My only family is my mum and dad. My dad has had prostrate cancer for 10 years. It has now spread to his liver. The outlook is poor.

I'm not sure how to manage. How to work and look after my child and my parents and cope with this grief. Dad seems so fine at the moment. I just want to cry. I can't, I don't have time. I've so much work to get done and need to be present and happy for my daughter who needs me.

I'm looking at 90 books that need marking (I'm a teacher) and wondering how. My school is supportive, but I've already had support when my marriage broke down. I can't permanently ask for support. And actually, I'm better at work.

I don't even know what the point of this is. I just don't have any adults I can really rant to. This is where a partner would be useful.

I haven't really got any words of advice but I didn't want to read and run. Hopefully you will get a lot of support here x I'm going through a shit time and I've had a lot of help off here

I'm so sorry for what your going through, what a horrible time ❤ I know it's hard but stay strong xxxxxxx

I'm so sorry for the position you find yourself in its awful.
Your priority is your daughter focus first on what she and you need to survive this - only when these needs are met can you offer to help your parents.

Tell your child's school - see if they can offer your daughter some support. You don't need to be happy for her all the time - be honest with how you feel but be there for her.

Talk to your school - the reality is that you might need to ask your doctor to sign you off for a while. There is only so much one person can deal with at a time.

Don't look at the big picture - look at what you need to do or cope with in the next 5 mins, then the next hour and so on. If you overwhelm yourself with everything you sink.

I lost DF and DS1 this summer it was and is the worse time of my life (and I have a DH) I cope by focussing on the small things and getting them done.

My thoughts and love to you - life is tough but you do survive.

So shit.
I work with someone going through similar. I try to be supportive but it feels too personal for someone I don’t socialise with outside of work.

All I can think is that probably your dad wouldn’t want to be the one that upset you. Also I guess he probably scared and wants a bit of support coming to terms with it. Maybe the only time that putting on a brave face actually helps.

Really sorry for what you are going through.

Thinking of you OP x

Making lists, I'm so very sorry to hear about the death of your child. I cannot even begin to imagine xx

My dad seems positive, he's a one day at a time person, doesn't believe you meet trouble half way.

My daughter is very used to grandad having cancer, it's all she can remember. She's not aware of the prognosis though.

My parents have been my childcare since my daughter was 1.

Thankyou for your replies. I feel more able to look for examples of expanded noun phrases and fronted adverbials in Y3 writing now :)

I think it's important to acknowledge that you are in effect already grieving. You need to allow yourself to feel what you feel and know that it is a normal reaction to an awful situation. Can you ask friends and colleagues outright for help? They may want to support you but don't know how. But if, for example, your daughter's friend's parents could take her for a few hours so you can have a damn good cry and a rest - you should ask. Please do reach out. Some people are rubbish but others may surprise you. And there are charities where you as a relative can speak to someone - Macmillan I believe offer this. Maybe having someone you don't know to talk to could help you? Wishing you well.