Child at school is suicidal

[velvetcandy]

There’s a child in my sons class who keeps telling everyone they want to kill themselves, and today harmed themselves in front of the kids at their table including my son (there only ten years old). The school seem uninterested in this but I obviously don’t want my child going into school sitting next to a child who’s suicidal keep telling him they want to die it’s so mad I don’t even know what to say. It’s not fair on him. What the hell shall I do?

@velvetcandy

To be honest my concern is my child and how this is effecting my child. Yes it’s sad but this other child is not my problem. I have enough on my plate and their behaviour is not acceptable the school are down playing it and it’s not effecting my child it’s not no. It’s sad granted but not my place to help them

Horrible. As pp have said school will be acting behind the scenes and quite rightly won’t be sharing with parents. I hope someone with more empathy can talk to school so they can support the other children, your DS included.

Of course the school are interested. There will be lots going on behind the scenes.

They’re probably not interested in whinging parents of other children when they’re dealing with a suicidal child.

Do call the school to ensure that they know that this happened and the impact it has had on your child.

They will be bothered. Obviously. But they're not going to shout from the classroom door to let all parents know that this happened.

So you're just going to ignore the poor child too then?

What on earth is the OP supposed to do to help the other child? The school will be working behind the scenes and not telling her what they are doing. All she can concern herself with is what they are doing to protect her child from seeing/hearing things like that at school - the rest is between the child/parents/school. I'm sure she wishes the child well, but it's really out of her control, and it's not lacking in empathy to say so.

You can feel as badly as you like for the other child, but nothing anyone else says is going to help them, so there's no need to preface every remark with "of course I feel dreadful for the child, but how do I help mine...?", especially on anonymous social media? You can wish someone well, wish things weren't happening, wish things weren't like they are - but at the same time, also be concerned with what is happening that directly affects you, and you don't always have to acknowledge feeling sad for all the other problems around before you can mention yours.

I do think it's worth letting the school know that other children and witnessing the behaviour, and being affected by it, as they may be able to talk to them, to keep a closer eye on the situation, to stop children being alone together, etc.

The child is trying to reach out and must be feeling so desperate. I do hope they are getting help behind the scenes. I agree with PPs and call the safeguarding lead

I think you can't protect children from everything so my first instinct would be to just let my child talk and discuss it . Let them learn empathy.

My ex tried to strangle me in front of my 5 year old. She went into school and told all her friends. I'm sure their parents weren't over the moon about that but I would have been appalled if they'd taken it upon themselves to complain to the school about the effect on their dc!

My DD has recently come home from secondary and told me about a friend self harming. She showed her fresh cuts. That I did report to the safeguarding lead but my and my dd's entire concern was for the child. We talked it over and I explained it wasn't her responsibility as a child to fix it and explained what I would do by calling the school who would help the child.

What on earth is the OP supposed to do to help the other child?

Speak to the school of course. Yes, they may already be doing something but it clearly isn't helping. If they know the child's behaviour is affecting others, it might prompt them to do more.

I am sure the school will not be doing nothing if they have a 10yo expressing suicidality and self-harming at school.

I would talk to your ds about mental health problems and neurodisabilities so he understands what is going on a bit more.

I would ask the teacher for a plan to safeguard your own ds from being a witness to self-harm. It is not at all unreasonable to want your own ds protected from trauma.

@velvetcandy

To be honest my concern is my child and how this is effecting my child. Yes it’s sad but this other child is not my problem. I have enough on my plate and their behaviour is not acceptable the school are down playing it and it’s not effecting my child it’s not no. It’s sad granted but not my place to help them

Wow

Even on an anonymous forum that’s some stone hearted selfishness there.

As someone with a depressed 12 Yr old, I find your second post incredibly upsetting.

'their behaviour' is a reaction to the way they are feeling.

You know what though, it's possible you could be what this child needs. Contact the school and tell them your concerns. It might be the call they need that reminds them to chase certain agencies.

See this is what pisses me off. When someone kills themselves everyone is all over social media bleating about just reaching out, how could no one know this person was depressed, why didn't they just talk to someone, ask for help?

8 times out of 10, they did. They did try to reach out. They got ignored at best or punished with further isolation or labeled an attention seeker. After all, its not anyone else's problem.

People just don't like being called out as the selfish, cold hearted cunts they are.

@Ionlydomassiveones

“There is unfortunately an element of contagion when it comes to self-harm.”

^ this. The op is right to be concerned.

This thread has taken a strange turn - it’s not about lacking empathy for the other child. It’s about mitigating the effects of your own child witnessing self harm and talk of suicide.

If it was on pre-watershed tv, it would have an advisory warning. For a 10 year to witness this in their own classroom and be dealing with this in close proximity would be upsetting. Many grown adults would find this distressing to deal with.

Ironic how those abusing the op for lacking empathy have very little themselves.

Yes it's very strange, I suspect if an adult was confronted with similar at work it would be distressing, let alone for a 10 year old. OP cannot do anything for the child in question beside speak to the school, I do wonder in reality how many preaching about tolerance would be as okay with it as they claim if it was their child experiencing this at school from a classmate.

It may be the case that the school do not have experience of dealing with this. Speak to someone at school about your concerns, teacher, safeguarding lead, headteacher.
Speak to your son about what is happening and how it is making him feel. Obviously your concern will and should be for your son (I have 3 and I do understand that). But that doesn't rule out kindness to and concern for others. That's what we should be teaching our children. Regardless of what's happening for the other child in his own life this is a cry for attention and it needs to be responded to. Hopefully your input could get him the help he needs.

Sadly, this doesn't suprise me. I work in an SEMH school and many of our students want to die and severely self harm. We actually have cut down kits stored around the school for this very reason. Amongst many children, this is not a taboo subject. They know how to self harm and think, in detail, about ways to kill themselves (I have one pupil who chews shards of glass for example. Yesterday, another child removed a blade from a pencil sharpener and passed this to a student who cuts) Empathy and education are absolutely key. Please teach your son to be compassionate and ask if the pupil is OK when he next expresses a desire to die. I expect your son's school have a lot going on behind the scenes with this.

Please teach your son to be compassionate and ask if the pupil is OK when he next expresses a desire to die

I agree with not ostricing the child- being kind, considerate, caring and not excluding them in stuff etc. But that's actually a big burden to advise a 10 year old to do that. The advice should surely be that there is a procedure for telling an adult discretely and sensitively, no? I know there is a woeful lack of support, funding and tangible help, but it shouldn't be young children that pick up the slack.

@Bellyups

Your level of empathy and concern for another child astounds me OP

Me too.

@FrownedUpon

Of course the school are interested. There will be lots going on behind the scenes.

They’re probably not interested in whinging parents of other children when they’re dealing with a suicidal child.

Absolutely agree with this. The uncaring attitude on here is horrible. You can talk to your own child about their worries, wanting to further isolate an already suffering child is despicable.

No child should be made to carry this responsibility, I agree. However, knowing how to respond can help a child witnessing this to feel less helpless and more in control. I’m certain my 9yo would actually be pretty comfortable and confident supporting a friend in this level of distress, and he generally feels better knowing how to handle a crisis and what to do.
One of my other children supported a friend in a similar situation aged 11 and wasn’t traumatised/ distressed herself, just concerned.