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Original poster

I don't enjoy playing...baby on the way

24 replies

lampback · 20/10/2021 17:43

Am I alone in not enjoying the early / toddler days of repeating the same boring games over and over and over? I keep remembering how it was the 1st time around and I'm shuddering.

My dh gets a lot out of this type of play which I am still 😲 about because I thought everyone hated it. Unfortunately he works full time so the majority of the mind numbing games will be left to me.

I dunno, maybe I had a particularly demanding child...he really wouldn't let up!! I remember nearly having a breakdown over puzzle making once 🙈

Any tips on how to get through it?

OP posts:

FlibbertyGiblets · 20/10/2021 17:49

Follow a play page for ideas - this one looks good. playhooray.co.uk/

spiderlight · 20/10/2021 17:52

How old is your first now? Old enough to delegate play duties?

Original poster

lampback · 20/10/2021 17:53

[quote FlibbertyGiblets]Follow a play page for ideas - this one looks good. playhooray.co.uk/[/quote]
Will take a look at this, thank you.

I think the problem with dc1 was that he would. not. play. alone. I guess i have to hope dc2 will be a bit more independent 🤞

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Original poster

lampback · 20/10/2021 17:55

@spiderlight

How old is your first now? Old enough to delegate play duties?

Yes!! He is 10. He still struggles to play alone but at least we can play half decent games now so I don't mind

But yes...his time has come...its payback 🤣

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allfurcoatnoknickers · 20/10/2021 18:11

I don't enjoy it and so don't do it - that's what nursery is for.

DS is 2 and we go to playgrounds and museums, go for coffee and pastries together (I have coffee, he has milk) read books and go scooting in the park. DH takes him to his football classes. He's my favorite little buddy, but we don't really play together - we have much more fun than that.

Original poster

lampback · 20/10/2021 18:16

@allfurcoatnoknickers

I don't enjoy it and so don't do it - that's what nursery is for.

I always felt so guilty when I didn't want to play and tried to distract with other things, when we were out it was just as intense...always needing my attention even in the playground he wouldn't go and play without me there by his side. I'm exhausted thinking about it.

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allfurcoatnoknickers · 20/10/2021 18:54

Maybe I'm just horrible, but even at the playground I tend to just mooch about after DS with a coffee. Or I lounge on a bench occasionally saying "watch your face! I don't want to go to A&M today"

Of course I chat to him, say "Oh wow! Look at you darling!" When he wants me to watch him etc. but I don't pretend to be a dinosaur or anything.

I also quite like a turn on the swings and going down the slide

Afonavon · 20/10/2021 18:57

I bloody hate playing. Maybe this child will be different.

Original poster

lampback · 21/10/2021 12:52

@Afonavon

I bloody hate playing. Maybe this child will be different.

prays

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BeanyBops · 21/10/2021 12:56

Nope I don't play either! We spend all our free time (i.e. not naps, meals or bedtimes) out and about and always have. We do lots of different parks, walks, feeding ducks, looking at boats, coffee and cake dates, shopping, meet up with others out and about etc. My daughter is still learning stuff and being creative and we are still having fun and spending time together, it's just not playing toys!

5thnonblonde · 21/10/2021 13:01

I wasn’t great at that stage either- I seemed to know what to do most if the time in the baby bit and DH reminded me he was at a total loss with a newborn half the time so that made me feel a bit better- plus maybe you’re gonna be a kick ass mum of teens!

Original poster

lampback · 21/10/2021 13:01

i think out and about is the way forward. I think I was a bit depressed when my 1st was little - I really struggled going out. I hope it will be different this time around!

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Original poster

lampback · 21/10/2021 13:02

will definitely be getting the dc involved with playtime as baby gets bigger...as I said - payback time!!!

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OiYouGetOffMyCloud · 21/10/2021 13:05

Another mum that’s not into playing here. We went to a new play centre thing today, won’t be going back as I couldn’t sit in the cafe and watch her!

OTOH her 6 year old brother is amazing at playing with her!

JoyPeaceHope · 21/10/2021 13:13

Oh goodness it's so boring. The worst was having to make dolls talk to each other, and she would even tell me what my one had to say, so I couldn't even entertain myself by taking the scene in an unexpected direction or some witty remark!

But I thought to myself, in the history of our species it was not one woman in a house entertaining one child. The women would have been cooking or weaving together and all the children would have played together. So then I didn't feel so guilty. It's normal not to enjoy it. What they need is another child to play with.

Hence, I produced DC2!

ronconcoke · 21/10/2021 13:26

I hear you! I was lucky with DC1 as he'd quite happily entertain himself for ages. I worked full time but at weekends we'd go to the park or soft play (where I could just sit and have a coffee while he went off) or swimming or to my parents'! DH was always working too hard and too knackered to play either. However I did enjoy building train tracks with him (but not really playing with the trains so much), building Lego, drawing and puzzles.

DC2 wasn't quite as good at entertaining herself in the early days but she's brilliant at it now as she mostly loves drawing, writing etc so that keeps her busy for ages. However she was never into soft play and when we go to the park she wants me by her side constantly. The two DC do play together but there's a 5.5 year age gap so DS has his own interests now.

I used to feel a bit guilty that I didn't really enjoy playing with them (especially DS) much but in the grand scheme of things I don't think it really matters and they don't remember it anyway!

sleepingrabbits · 21/10/2021 13:39

I always try to get Ds to play with my toddler, but he's not good at playing himself. He complains if I say get the train track out for DD whilst I prep the dinner.

Lottapianos · 21/10/2021 13:46

You need to do some learning about why children play and how important it is for their social and language development. Your child will need you (and the other adults in their life) to spend time playing with them

Luckytattie · 21/10/2021 13:47

I was thinking you were Gona say your child was like 3 or 4 not 10!!
He should be able to play on his own but I do remember at that age being desperate to play with my parents.
They prioritised work..

What about craft stuff that he could sit and do himself? Does he enjoy things like that?

LadyCleathStuart · 21/10/2021 14:51

I also hate playing and have two children who will not play alone and until very recently also would not play with each other.

And yes its important for their development so I do it but I don't enjoy it. I will happily run about outside with them, do crafts, even board games are fine but the role play stuff, barbies, transformers etc. Just despise it.

Original poster

lampback · 22/10/2021 10:35

Glad I'm not the only one who despises this type of play!

DS was OBSESSED with his toy cars and garage. I spent hours and hours "playing" with him, with a fake smile plastered on my face, eyes staring into the middle distance. Wanting to SCREAM.

I do believe it is important for the child - it certainly was for mine - to feel accepted and wanted and also to help with development. But its just so bloody boring.

I had a very neglectful childhood and no one to play with. Absent father, abusive mother and sibling. I didn't learn how to play, even in school really. I just feel so empty inside when I have to play. Its really sad when I see my DH play with DC with such joy, enthusiasm and imagination. He can entertain them for hours and come up with new and fun ways of doing things with them. I am the boring parent who tries to get out of playing

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sleepingrabbits · 22/10/2021 12:12

I spent hours like you playing and sneakily reading Mumsnet at the same time. Still DS will not play by himself, I must of spoilt him with too many cool games. DD slightly better , I can sometimes manage to sneak off to put the oven on before she notices.

AmyDudley · 22/10/2021 14:21

I like playing with littlies - but can see it is not everyone's cup of tea (I'm less inclined to enjoy the older stuff like computer games etc - we all have out areas of enjoyment)
But IME the second child is easier - an older sibling is more entertaining to a baby/toddler than anything else in the world.
But if your older one is also uninclined, I'd just go to places where there are other babies and toddlers (mum and baby groups etc) as there will be other kids and also people who like playing with babies and toddlers there.
Or invite other mums to yours and the babies or toddlers can play while you have a coffee.
I'd also try some things where you don;t have to actually 'play' as such - put on some music and jog about to it, give your toddler some pans and a wooden spoon to drum along. Get mini toys like - hoovers dustpan and brush etc so they can just copy what you are doing if it is housework, or a toy phone, pencil and pad/ old keyboard if you are working. Get your DH to do as much playing as possible when he is home. MIne used to like having a few old handbag and some bits to put in and out of them, and some old hats they could put on and dress up in. I found that kids like everyday stuff as much as they like 'actual toys'. Walking in the park with a bag for putting interesting stones and twigs in. Feeding ducks. Outdoor activities will wear them out more.
The thing is not everyone is good at or enjoys the same thing - we are all better at some stages of development than others. So you just do the best you can, but don't stress it.
And chances are your second one will be more independent, because they are born into a situation where they are not the sole centre of attention at all times, so they learn to be a bit more self sufficient.

Original poster

lampback · 22/10/2021 14:58

@AmyDudley

I like playing with littlies - but can see it is not everyone's cup of tea (I'm less inclined to enjoy the older stuff like computer games etc - we all have out areas of enjoyment) But IME the second child is easier - an older sibling is more entertaining to a baby/toddler than anything else in the world. But if your older one is also uninclined, I'd just go to places where there are other babies and toddlers (mum and baby groups etc) as there will be other kids and also people who like playing with babies and toddlers there. Or invite other mums to yours and the babies or toddlers can play while you have a coffee. I'd also try some things where you don;t have to actually 'play' as such - put on some music and jog about to it, give your toddler some pans and a wooden spoon to drum along. Get mini toys like - hoovers dustpan and brush etc so they can just copy what you are doing if it is housework, or a toy phone, pencil and pad/ old keyboard if you are working. Get your DH to do as much playing as possible when he is home. MIne used to like having a few old handbag and some bits to put in and out of them, and some old hats they could put on and dress up in. I found that kids like everyday stuff as much as they like 'actual toys'. Walking in the park with a bag for putting interesting stones and twigs in. Feeding ducks. Outdoor activities will wear them out more. The thing is not everyone is good at or enjoys the same thing - we are all better at some stages of development than others. So you just do the best you can, but don't stress it. And chances are your second one will be more independent, because they are born into a situation where they are not the sole centre of attention at all times, so they learn to be a bit more self sufficient.

Such a helpful post thank you

The activities you describe actually makes me want to crack into it. Walks with a bag to collect sticks and interesting things...something about that image makes me smile inside.

1st time round I was living in a really posh area and I didn't fit in with any mums. I didn't want to hang out with them. None of my friends were close by or had children. I was really isolated and down. My baby was and still is very demanding.

I have to hope that it was my circumstances that held me back and now I am in a better place emotionally, mentally, physically, financially...that it won't get me down as much. That I will want to go to baby groups. Fingers and eyes crossed x

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