I must have had a (non-sexual) dream about my teenage crush last night and it made me remember what a sad and angsty saga it was all those decades ago.I'll tell you about mine but please share yours!
He was one of my best friend's brothers and two years older. Very beautiful but also quite a tortured, poetic soul.First met when I was c 15 at a Garbage concert (this really dates it!) and went a bit wibbly to see a boy with eyeliner and nail varnish when gelled spikes and eyebrow rings were much more the norm.
We spent a lot of time together at gigs and pubs over a year or 2. He was into the Manics and a lot of old-school stuff I'd never heard of, so obviously I made it my mission to become an expert in it all whether or not I really liked it.
I really liked him but PLOT TWIST my other friend, who was much more outgoing than me, did too :( He wasn't interested in her but it meant nothing happened, especially because I was so shy and down on how I looked.
Until... we had a dance together one night at some sticky-floored dive and I couldnt stop thinking about him. It made my friend really angry and we had a big falling out, but I told myself that this was love, whatever that meant to a 16-year-old who'd never had a boyfriend.
Fast forward to a night down a chain pub where he sat me on his knee after 13 pints and said he had really felt something that sticky-floored night. We had an oddly uncomfortable kiss and then he staggered off into the darkness. I was so happy I felt like I was really soaring above the sticky floor and discarded shot glasses around me.
Alas, when I called his sister the next day he picked up and reminded me he'd had 13 pints. His mates had taken the mick and he didn't want to talk about that Wetherspoons outpouring of eternal love.
I felt so snubbed I remember writing tortured poetry on the bus about him, and some truly awful fangirl pictures. We later had a really silly falling out and I didn't see him for a couple of years, when he pitched up to a night with mutual friends and made some nasty comment suggesting I'd given him glandular fever because he was trying to impress another girl. I drew a line under our love and felt like I would be sad forever, whatver that means when you're 18 and still have no idea about the world.
It has been cathartic and funny to write that and remember what a silly soul I was! Rest assured I am now happily married to a much nicer boy and don't usually give the cringey crush a second thought. But please tell me yours - the more hormonal the better!