Feeling oversensitive about a throwaway comment

[SelfIdentifiedRightsHoarder]

I'm not brave enough to post this in AIBU, because I'm well aware that I'm being oversensitive. I was at a hobby earlier this evening, and made a passing comment about my daughter. The person I was talking to said "Oh gosh, I can't belive that you're a mum, you don't seem old enough." And went on to say "That's really shocked me." I'm sure that she didn't mean this in any nasty way. My DP said that she probably just thinks that I look younger than what I am (I'm 27, so very normal age to have a 1 year old) but I'm 5ft 1 and often get mistaken for being younger. Normally I would have taken this as a compliment, but for some reason it's really bothered me.

I do worry that I'm too quiet, passive and in various situations I'm often patronised and treated in general like I'm still very young or incapable. I'm not a very confident person at all. And I have taken her comment to mean that she can't believe I'm a mum because of these reasons. It upsets me to think that other people might look at me and think I'm not capable of being a good mum. I think I'm just projecting my own feelings onto what she said, I don't know.

I'm not even sure what I want from this post. I just need to vent, and maybe some advice about how to present myself better as a mature, capable and maternal person. I'm sick of being treated like a child

Almost certainly a compliment but I understand it hit a sensitive spot for you.

Someone at work expressed surprise recently that I have a nearly 17 year old as they thought I would be too young for that. I'm 47 (plenty old enough) and was delighted. Having said that it's a city law firm where most of the female lawyers put off having a baby until mid 30s so I was perhaps on the young side in that sense.

On the other hand I have a friend who had her daughter when she was 18 and she really hates people's "shock" when she says her daughter is an adult. She is convinced they do the maths and judge her for having been a teenage mum. (I doubt most of them do but that's her sensitive spot!)

I’m 41 and my eldest is 19.

When I tell people they look visibly shocked and some ask if he’s a step child.

It’s a compliment.

However, when he was little and I was in my mid 20s it was very annoying. Especially when people used to assume I was his nanny as we have different colouring.

Or they would assume I had no idea how to be a parent as they assumed I was younger than I was and I used to have bear strangers try to take over - that was infuriating and I had stern words with a few people.

Thank you all so much for your kind comments, and for sharing your own experiences. I'm feeling a lot better about it this morning, and it's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I will of course continue to work on myself, my insecurities and building my confidence. I will say, the hobby/class has really helped! It's so outside of my comfort zone, and has helped me to become more comfortable with my post-pregnancy body. I have real issues with worrying about what other people think about me, it's hard to break myself out of that

Hi OP, I think it is a mixture of things.
I suspect the woman who said it was more shocked at herself (in the way that I suddenly realise I'm old when I tell people what year I left uni or when I see a newly qualified teacher and realise I could be their mum
Time does a strange thing when you have kids. I have a child who is now at secondary school and almost as tall as me. And yet at 42 I wouldn't look out of place with a newborn.

One piece of advice I would give is don't try to change or feel you have to look or dress older than you are. Mums come in all shapes, sizes and ages. X

I'd echo that she was probably shocked at herself.

I'm 52. I've been through

students are looking young
policemen are looking young
doctors are looking young
headteachers are looking young
yikes, even the vicar's younger than me

It's quite a shock when you first realise that someone a whole ten years younger than me is old enough to do adult things . (Don't get me started on professional home-owning mothers talking about how they read Prisoner of Azkaban in year 6...)

Don't take it to heart. I had my eldest at 24 and had disparaging comments from strangers in the street about the scourge that is teenage mothers!

I'm now 46 and still get comments that I don't look old enough to have a 22 year old.

Don't worry about what other people think of you. Easier said than done but I agree that it was probably the shock of realising someone who looks so young is actually a growed up person

Yes that makes sense, I've definitely been stunned before when I have found out how old someone is. Not necessarily because I think of them as too young, but realising how much older I am than what I think in my head. I've had a lovely day with my daughter, and feeling a bit silly for being upset about it now. This thread has really helped