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Original poster

Anyone ever regret ending their marriage?

20 replies

Sfuandtired · 17/10/2021 21:10

I’m now after over 12 years and 3 children unfortunately at the stage where I no longer enjoy his company in fact I’d go as far as saying he makes me unhappy, and am fairly sure the feeling is mutual, he is by no means a bad person but very negative, inflexible, grumpy and can be intolerant of the children’s ‘normal’ behaviour I.e being a bit noisy.
I feel awful saying it but things are more pleasant when he’s not about. My issue is it feels wrong and almost a waste of the last 12 years if I end things now and I worry about the effect on the children, has anyone else been in a similar situation? And ended things and then regretted it?

OP posts:
NoraLuka · 17/10/2021 21:17

I regret not being able to stay together with exH but I don’t regret leaving because we were bringing out the worst in each other. We get on well now, which we didn’t when we were together.

If you’re not sure about leaving, maybe there are things you could try - counselling, holiday together without DC, a hobby together, just spending time with him. Sometimes life is hectic and you kind of forget what you saw in a person.

lugeanjaam · 17/10/2021 21:32

God no, it was the best decision I have ever made. It was tough at the time but it brought me to this point in my life and I can hand on my heart say I have never been happier.

Best of luck OP.

almahart · 17/10/2021 21:34

Nope

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almahart · 17/10/2021 21:36

My ex is a decent person and on paper, interesting Hmm but I was bored and lonely. I wish I'd ended it earlier but we had year after year of complicated family stuff and I just couldn't do it.

Molly333 · 18/10/2021 06:55

No i dont regret it at all . I found me and realised im much more than i ever thought i could be in fact im a success and have achieved so much as have the children ( he couldnt be arsed to parent)

PermanentTemporary · 18/10/2021 06:59

God no, but mine was much less complicated.

Things don't have to last forever to be worthwhile. Of course you haven't wasted 12 years. Can you try relationship counselling as a pp suggested, see if reconnecting is possible?

GoodnightGrandma · 18/10/2021 07:03

You haven’t wasted 12 years, you’ve had 3 children !
But it will be a waste of life if you stay against your better judgement.

bembridge11 · 18/10/2021 07:05

Of all the people I know - who walked out on a marriage - me included - the only thing we regretted was not doing it sooner!
I know not a single person who wishes they had stayed.
But that is a reflection on the fact that on the whole - people try so incredibly hard to keep it all going - and only really walk away when things are unbearably awful in my experience.

Deafdonkey · 18/10/2021 07:12

I'm in tears reading this. Yes I worry about the waste, feel like I've failed everything. But this life is short and I can't live like this anymore

alwayswrighty · 18/10/2021 07:16

I've walked out of two marriages. I wish I'd done it sooner tbh, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. For the most part I am a million times happier than I was.

GoodnightGrandma · 18/10/2021 07:20

@Deafdonkey

I'm in tears reading this. Yes I worry about the waste, feel like I've failed everything. But this life is short and I can't live like this anymore
You are wasting your time feeling sad about it. Make the break and embrace your new life.
trappedsincesundaymorn · 18/10/2021 07:24

No...my only regret is not ending the marriage sooner.

YourFinestPantaloons · 18/10/2021 07:25

The only regretful moments I had were in the transitional period when it got hard. For example, packing on my own to move out the home I loved was emotional hell and hard work - I had to take lots of time off work etc - and I had moment where I thought it would be so much easier to change my mind and stay.

But this is because I'm fundamentally lazy Grin and nothing more. I haven't ever once regretted it otherwise. I don't miss the mosey, grumpiness, having to accommodate a man child etc. Bliss!

Milomonster · 18/10/2021 07:25

I regret not getting counseling much earlier to try and help my marriage, but, once divorced, never looked back. It’s been three years and it’s taken time to process everything and, finally, get to a place where I feel I’ve shed my old skin and am at peace. It held I have one child, and that ex and I are on good terms. I love my space with my DS, and just not having the head fuck of mindless bickering with ex is liberating. I am so much stronger now.

thislifetoo · 18/10/2021 07:28

No I don't regret it.

I sometimes float between regretting ever getting married but then wouldn't have had our wonderful children, and regretting not going to couples counselling prior to getting married to work on the issues we had which only became more apparent over the years. But in the process of separation and divorce I've really found my feet and happiness and am a better mother and have built a business, found strength and security in who I am, so although there are downfalls, the pros outweigh the cons, but it was a long process to feel settled in the decision.

Milomonster · 18/10/2021 07:28

It’s not a waste - people evolve over time. Why would you think things/people should stay the same? Sometimes, we evolve away from each other. It’s hard to accept. The period after was tough emotionally: grief and feelings of failure, worry about DS. It takes time to heal but you’ll get there.
You will need to work hard to keep your kids stable. Being civil with ex helps.

Redyellowblue34 · 18/10/2021 07:45

As one pp said, people do work hard at keeping the marriage going. I am really sad that my family unit was broken up but once it's called’ there is an inevitability about divorce. So I don’t regret it but really saddened by the loss. I have thrived since but I wouldn’t say life has improved.

AliceinBorderland · 18/10/2021 07:48

My best friend from high school bitterly regrets it. Now she has seen him move on with another woman and she is still single.

Having said that though I love her my friend is the type who can't be on her own. She will take anything rather than be on her own.

She hated her exh in the end and wanted to leave but couldn't because she would rather have someone than no one. So he left her in the end.

KatySun · 18/10/2021 07:56

I regret that I did not have a marriage which worked out, but I don’t regret leaving one which was making me anxious and ill.
I also have the conundrum of absolutely wishing I had never met the man and certainly never got married, but then I would not have DS. I suppose I have to take the view that I learned from the experience and if I had not had that disaster marriage with xH, then it would have been with someone else, as I did not have the right boundaries in place.
I have not met anyone else, and that feels a bit sad, mainly as I feel ‘damaged’ in a way in terms of my ability to get involved with someone and trust them in DC’s lives. But if I think about going back to be married with XH, then the answer is no, no and no again!
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Fernando072020 · 18/10/2021 09:00

It wasn't a waste, op. It was the right time in your life for that person and you had your children with him. That time with that person has just now ended. We change and grow and people come in and out of lives, it's just life. But it's never waste because it was right in the moment

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