How do I handle this?

[Complicatedfamilything]

My dd is 12, she was at a family members house last week.

This family member has had lots of spare cash recently and I've had my suspicions but its absolutely none of my business, I'm really not one to judge.

However, when my dd was there (her dc was away at the time) family member walked into the room dressed in very little, sat with her legs apart taking photos - in front of my dd. She said she needed to take the pictures before her dc got back.

Family member then (what it sounds like from what dd has told me) sent the photos out and then opened a video of a man mastubating (dd heard).

I am beyond angry at this, family member obviously didn't want to do this in front of her dc but its OK to do it in front of mine.

I, so far, haven't spoken to her but I'm absolutely going to have to. This person has massive form for telling lies and causing trouble and will no doubt try, but my dd definitely isn't lying.

How in gods name do I handle this? Dd will obviously never go back there again I can't go nc unfortunately due to my relationship with her dc.

Do I phone and ask her what the hell she was playing at? Send a message? Saying what?

I was waiting until I calmed down to confront her but I'm not calming down and something needs to come to a head before she just rocks up at my house.

Nc for this as family member would recognise the situation if she is on here. To be clear I am asking how I can best deal with this situation, I'm not asking for stories or anything of that nature. I just need impartial advice because I'm so angry I can't think straight.

Erm police! Protect your child!

She didn't have anything uncovered or I would have done. Dd didn't see the video, just heard it (and was unaware of what she was hearing)The police wouldn't be interested as she didn't do anything illegal.

I am protecting my child. I need to handle the situation with family member. The situation with dd has been handled.

Same thing applies and never let your daughter see this family member again.

Surely it's child abuse to expose a child to sexual activity?

How is that not illegal??

Having had dealings with the police in the past I'm not confident they would see this as exposing dd to sexual activity. The interview process would absolutely crush dd and nothing would come of it at all. It would absolutely make the situation worse for dd, who is absolutely fine, just thinks family member is a bit weird.

She wore (essentially) a bikini and took photos. Dd wasn't aware what she heard and she saw nothing of the video. As she was covered the police wouldn't be interested.

Family member was 100% in the wrong, but realistically it wasn't illegal.

I did contemplate going to SS, but again my priority is dd and I'm not sure what the process would be through SS or what I would expect to happen there.

Believe me, the police WOULD be interested. She doesn’t have to be naked to sexually abuse your dd and that is what this is. Your dd hearing the man masturbating is extremely disturbing. I would go absolutely ballistic at her. The relationship may not survive, but there’s no way your dd can ever go round there again.

I would report it. If not you could end up in a situation where your DD mentions it to someone else, a friend or a teacher, and it's reported by them, questions might then be asked as to why you knew but did nothing about it.

I would ring ss for advice.. Her dc may also have witnessed such awful things...

I will ring SS for advice in the morning.

I'm still not sure about the police tbh. I went through the process of reporting once before for it to come to absolutely nothing because there was no evidence, and it was an awful process. I looked onto it and I couldn't see what she would be charged with, if it even did get that far. What would the charge be?

The fact she said she needed to get this done before her dc got back makes me think she doesn't do it in front of her dc, for whatever reason that didn't apply to mine