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How would you/your dc have handled this situation?

16 replies

Thunderface · 17/10/2021 12:02

This happened many years ago when I was 15 or 16 but it came up last night as my dd who is now 15 has got her 1st babysitting job.
When I was 15ish I had a job babysitting for a family on Saturday night maybe once or twice a month. Nice people, paid well.
One night around 1am a drunk man, mid-20s turned up. The older child was awake and confirmed it was her uncle. I let him in, he mumbled something about me leaving if I wanted to but went to the spare room and fell asleep so I waited for the couple and was dropped home. They weren't expecting him but were fine with it.
A few weeks later he turned up again, much more sober. He said they knew he was there and told me I might as well go home. It was maybe 12.30 or 1. It was before mobile phones and at the time we didn't have a phone at home (or a car so no one to collect me). My options were either a 15 min walk through a old graveyard, sports field and unlit park or a longer walk maybe 25 minutes through a rough town centre and then some quiet little streets home. I said no, I'd wait. He tried a bit to persuade me but I stayed and the couple came home eventually and dropped me as per our arrangement.
Dd had said she wouldn't feel able to say no when an adult said she should leave. We are trying to help her build up her confidence for things like this.
Obviously it's different now. She has a phone so could ring me to collect her so not an issue.
In the end I gave up the job because it was awkward when he occasionally turned up. The couple were fine with me waiting for them but it ruined a good job for me.
Do you think you would have stayed or gone?
What about your dc? Any tips on increasing dad's confidence? I think lockdown etc. has restricted her in many ways so not as mature as she could be.

OP posts:
Thunderface · 17/10/2021 12:04

Sorry, it's really long!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/10/2021 12:06

I wouldn’t have answered the door. I wouldn’t have let him in.

2pinkginsplease · 17/10/2021 12:10

@PurpleDaisies

I wouldn’t have answered the door. I wouldn’t have let him in.
Same here!

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PurpleDaisies · 17/10/2021 12:11

It’s really not a normal situation to have a random adult turning up pissed in the middle of the night while a baby sitter is there. That’s totally inappropriate.

PurpleDaisies · 17/10/2021 12:14

I really think you’re stressing over the wrong thing here. Your dd needs to establish what is expected of her while she’s there, how she’s being paid and how she’s getting home safely. Not what to do if a random other adult tells her to go home. Confused

Cattitudes · 17/10/2021 12:16

My dd is quite clear that the children are in her care until the parent returns so she would not leave. Even when the children have asked to go and play next-door she didn't let them because it hadn't been agreed with the parents. She did let them play outside but sat out and watched them. Only if the parent rang her or agreed a different plan would she relinquish their care. I think you did the right thing.

Beamur · 17/10/2021 12:17

I think the people you babysat for were seriously out of order with the uncles behaviour. If I was your Mum I would have been furious and you wouldn't have gone there again.
It's not a good example to base teaching your DD about confidence. No we have mobile phone, I would have rung the parents said a strange, drunk man was at the door. If they said let him in I would refuse until they got home and then never sit for them again. Would I have had the confidence to do that at 15, probably not.

Thunderface · 17/10/2021 12:19

Thanks for the replies.
I'm really not stressing about this in relation to dd's babysitting job. It just came up in conversation about my babysitting experience and she said she would have felt she had to go if she was me, obviously not relevant now with phones etc.

It just gave me an insight into her confidence with adults in general.
In my situation, I didn't think twice about letting him in once I knew who he was. I was more concerned about not walking home alone late at night. My small town in the 80s was not a very nice place.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/10/2021 12:21

In my situation, I didn't think twice about letting him in once I knew who he was.

Looking back as an adult, you surely can see that that wasn’t a good idea?

Thunderface · 17/10/2021 12:31

@PurpleDaisies

In my situation, I didn't think twice about letting him in once I knew who he was.

Looking back as an adult, you surely can see that that wasn’t a good idea?

Well yes, obviously. Dd said she would ring the parents and me in this situation which is the right thing to do. That option wasn't available to me. I'm not sure I even mentioned it to my mum and the people I babysat for didn't seem to think anything was amiss. I hadn't thought about it for a long time but when I did I remembered it quite clearly.
OP posts:
Teeheehee1579 · 17/10/2021 12:36

We are all giving this a very adult perspective here - the question is what would we have done as teenagers not what do we know is the right thing decades on. Honestly, I’d have done the same as you and let him in. I probably would have walked home too. Clearly as a 40 something I’d be horrified if my DD did that but as a shy teen I’d have done as told. As I think many (unfortunately) would when faced with an adult.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 17/10/2021 14:05

@Teeheehee1579

We are all giving this a very adult perspective here - the question is what would we have done as teenagers not what do we know is the right thing decades on. Honestly, I’d have done the same as you and let him in. I probably would have walked home too. Clearly as a 40 something I’d be horrified if my DD did that but as a shy teen I’d have done as told. As I think many (unfortunately) would when faced with an adult.

Ditto

Kezzie200 · 17/10/2021 14:29

Back in no phone days I only looked after babes when I was under 16 when I was in walking distance of home (on our estate).

I called my Mum once when a child woke and screamed the place down because Daddy was leaving. Turned out his parents had split the same week!

So I'd say the same now. Make sure she doesn't take on any babysitting without contact available for support in unusual circumstances. That's a bit easier nowadays with mobile contact.

As for letting an adult in. Pretty sure I wouldn't have tbh.

AlexaShutUp · 17/10/2021 14:43

@PurpleDaisies

I wouldn’t have answered the door. I wouldn’t have let him in.
This!
ALittleBitWorrriedNow · 17/10/2021 14:57

You did the right thing by staying. It seems really odd for the uncle to randomly turn up like that, especially sober - I’d worry that he was a paedophile

Thunderface · 17/10/2021 16:31

@ALittleBitWorrriedNow

You did the right thing by staying. It seems really odd for the uncle to randomly turn up like that, especially sober - I’d worry that he was a paedophile
I don't think it was anything sinister, more that he was the feckless younger brother looking so somewhere convenient to spend a night rather than paying for a taxi home. He didn't make me uncomfortable in that way from what I remember. Just more it was awkward because he was obviously hoping to watch tv and hang out til his sibling came home rather than deal with a shy 15 year old. He was clearly clueless about what was appropriate though.
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