Anyone else find it hard to back off and let their older teens get on with things

[Holdontotheside]

DS is 17 and very independent. He tells me very little but seems to be managing at school (early days as year 12 so just starting A’levels), he’s got friends and a good social life, a job and does a team sport.
However, I find it really hard to not worry about him, partly because he tells me so little. I feel like he should be doing more school work and can’t help nag him about this even though it makes no difference and he does it when he wants to. I’ve currently got no reason to think he’s not coping at school and he says he’s fine and works in his free lessons.
How do people back off and leave their teens to it? I’ve no reason not to trust him but I think I’m finding it hard to accept he’s a grown up now.

I know exactly what you mean.

My son is the same age but is at a college not in our town. I think the fact that he's not at the 6th form of his old school has made it a bit easier especially as the college tend to deal with the students direct first and then email/contact parents in more of a "your DS/DD has been sent this email and must do XYZ" way. The onus is on the student to take responsibility for themselves.

However, saying that, I know DS has got some things he has to do but is maybe avoiding in relation to exams and placement. I tend to ask him how things are going as a memory jogger really "how is your draft email to potential placements going?"

It's been a funny couple of years for their year group (having GCSEs pulled due to COVID, no Prom/closure, first year of college disrupted etc) and I often think that it's probably affected them more than we realise