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Original poster

Is it normal for me to be depressed, anxious and not excited about my partner being pregnant?

28 replies

Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 00:57

So my partner is 12 weeks pregnant and I actually feel depressed, anxious and not excited about it to the point it’s making me not want it. Is this normal? She got caught pregnant while on the pill

I have 2 kids already with a previous partner and I already suffer with bad depression and anxiety.

I know this sounds horrible from my end but I really don’t mean it horrible at all. I just wanna know if this is normal because it’s really messing with my head and I feel like I’m going to have a mental breakdown over it 😔

OP posts:
Skinnymuffins · 17/10/2021 01:03

Can you talk to your partner about it? Communicating how you feel may help?

TurnUpTurnip · 17/10/2021 01:09

Yes of course it’s normal to not be happy about an unplanned pregnancy

Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:11

@Skinnymuffins

Can you talk to your partner about it? Communicating how you feel may help?
I don’t want her to think I’m being one sided or think of me as a horrible person, so I kind of don’t want to say anything to her in case she ends up feeling let down or have her feelings themselves hurt
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Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:13

@TurnUpTurnip

Yes of course it’s normal to not be happy about an unplanned pregnancy
I mean I’m not a horrible person one single bit and when I see how happy she is over it, I don’t want to say anything that’s going to spoil everything for her. I don’t want her to feel let down 😔
OP posts:
Danikm151 · 17/10/2021 01:15

As someone who was in this situation the best thing you can do is talk about it.
She needs support through this pregnancy and if you can’t give her that it’s not fair on her.
It’s ok to be anxious and scared. Heck I was and the baby was in my body. Baby’s dad was shit scared! We weren’t in a relationship but we both said how scared we were.
Ultimately it’s her body her decision. You can decide to walk away but tell her sooner rather than later.
Or you can get some therapy and let your feelings out and come round to the idea of a new baby.
Best of luck whatever you decide.

MrsRubyMonday · 17/10/2021 01:16

I'm ten weeks pregnant with a very wanted IVF baby and I'm still currently very anxious and not yet excited. It's normal to feel a range of emotions. For me the anxiety comes from not knowing what is going on, and I can't get excited until I know we are out of the danger zone. Are you able to talk to your partner about your feelings? I was trying to hide mine but I finally broke down this week and talked to my wife and things are a lot easier now she knows what I'm feeling.

TyneTeas · 17/10/2021 01:17

Support and honesty are not mutually exclusive

Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:19

@Danikm151

As someone who was in this situation the best thing you can do is talk about it. She needs support through this pregnancy and if you can’t give her that it’s not fair on her. It’s ok to be anxious and scared. Heck I was and the baby was in my body. Baby’s dad was shit scared! We weren’t in a relationship but we both said how scared we were. Ultimately it’s her body her decision. You can decide to walk away but tell her sooner rather than later. Or you can get some therapy and let your feelings out and come round to the idea of a new baby. Best of luck whatever you decide.
Oh I’m definitely not going to walk away. I’m not that sort of person. It’s just really messing with my anxiety and fears and it’s making me depressed. I just don’t wanna say anything to her in case it hurts her feelings to the point she's going to feel let down.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:22

@MrsRubyMonday

I'm ten weeks pregnant with a very wanted IVF baby and I'm still currently very anxious and not yet excited. It's normal to feel a range of emotions. For me the anxiety comes from not knowing what is going on, and I can't get excited until I know we are out of the danger zone. Are you able to talk to your partner about your feelings? I was trying to hide mine but I finally broke down this week and talked to my wife and things are a lot easier now she knows what I'm feeling.
I could talk to her but I really don’t want to run the risk of hurting her feelings to the point she’s going to feel let down. I’d hate myself if that happened.
OP posts:
Skinnymuffins · 17/10/2021 01:24

@Nathan1991 this is where a lot of couples go wrong (me included in the past) - you need to put your feelings first in these circumstances and if she's understanding she'll want to help you feel better about this?

Skinnymuffins · 17/10/2021 01:25

@Nathan1991 also I'm almost 7 weeks pregnant and I'd be more hurt if my partner felt he couldn't speak to me about his feelings over the pregnancy.

It's going to affect both your lives, both your minds, you both matter in this

NiceGerbil · 17/10/2021 01:26

Are you on meds or anything for pre existing MH?

I do think your reaction is related to your MH issues.

Reactions of uncertainty, worries about changes to family, or money/ work. Feeling sure you don't want it. Pissed off about it being unplanned etc etc. Yes all normal.

Bad anxiety? Not really. Depression? Maybe but... Really sounds like pre existing issues getting worse.

She knows about your MH I assume? You can and should talk to her about that. No need to relate to pregnancy. Just you feel getting worse.

You are under treatment...? Go back to doc.

It's a shock and an unknown. Not surprised MH affected.

NiceGerbil · 17/10/2021 01:28

'I mean I’m not a horrible person one single bit and when I see how happy she is over it, I don’t want to say anything that’s going to spoil everything for her. I don’t want her to feel let down '

Presumably she loves you and would not want you to hide issues.

She knows you, your MH issues etc. Why hide it?

Cameleongirl · 17/10/2021 01:28

As you're already a parent, you know the realities of having a baby, so I'm wondering whether there's something specific that's making you anxious, e.g. finances or an unexpected pregnancy putting a strain on your relationship? It might be easier and less hurtful to talk to her about the specific issues that are making you anxious and depressed.

Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:30

[quote Skinnymuffins]@Nathan1991 this is where a lot of couples go wrong (me included in the past) - you need to put your feelings first in these circumstances and if she's understanding she'll want to help you feel better about this? [/quote]
No, you’re absolutely right. She’s really understanding. She’s amazing. Every other thing I’ve spoken to her about she supported me all the way. I think it’s just because she’s pregnant and I feel like I don’t wanna hurt her in any way if that makes sense.

Thank you so much. I really do appreciate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:32

[quote Skinnymuffins]@Nathan1991 also I'm almost 7 weeks pregnant and I'd be more hurt if my partner felt he couldn't speak to me about his feelings over the pregnancy.

It's going to affect both your lives, both your minds, you both matter in this [/quote]
You’re absolutely right. You are. Thank you so much. I really appreciate.

OP posts:
Skinnymuffins · 17/10/2021 01:34

@Nathan1991 she's lucky to have you being so understanding too. But you won't be any good to her in later stages if you don't speak to her now.

Good luck with the pregnancy and I'm sure the chat will go well ☺️

Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:35

@NiceGerbil

Are you on meds or anything for pre existing MH?

I do think your reaction is related to your MH issues.

Reactions of uncertainty, worries about changes to family, or money/ work. Feeling sure you don't want it. Pissed off about it being unplanned etc etc. Yes all normal.

Bad anxiety? Not really. Depression? Maybe but... Really sounds like pre existing issues getting worse.

She knows about your MH I assume? You can and should talk to her about that. No need to relate to pregnancy. Just you feel getting worse.

You are under treatment...? Go back to doc.

It's a shock and an unknown. Not surprised MH affected.

I used to be. Haven’t been for a few years now. After seeing all of these helpful replies including yours, it’s been a big help and I’ve already started to relax. I guess I just needed a bit of reassurance and all of you lovely people have helped me with that.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:37

[quote Skinnymuffins]@Nathan1991 she's lucky to have you being so understanding too. But you won't be any good to her in later stages if you don't speak to her now.

Good luck with the pregnancy and I'm sure the chat will go well ☺️[/quote]
Thank you so much. Good luck with yours too 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:38

@Cameleongirl

As you're already a parent, you know the realities of having a baby, so I'm wondering whether there's something specific that's making you anxious, e.g. finances or an unexpected pregnancy putting a strain on your relationship? It might be easier and less hurtful to talk to her about the specific issues that are making you anxious and depressed.
You’re absolutely right and I’m going to talk to her now. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
OP posts:
Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:40

Thank you so much guys. You’ve all been a really big help. I think I just needed some reassurance and you’ve all given me that.

I really appreciate all of you taking the time to give me your input on it.

I’m going to go and talk to her about it now you’ve all reassured me 😊

Thank you so much again 😇

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 17/10/2021 01:42

That's good :)

I really would advise strongly to go to doc though.

You want to nip this in the bud. Somehow.

And let her know so she can keep an eye on you- when it's you it can be hard to spot yourself getting worse.

Original poster
Nathan1991 · 17/10/2021 01:43

@NiceGerbil

That's good :)

I really would advise strongly to go to doc though.

You want to nip this in the bud. Somehow.

And let her know so she can keep an eye on you- when it's you it can be hard to spot yourself getting worse.

I will, see what they say 😊 thank you so much again 😇
OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 17/10/2021 01:44

No probs and good luck!

MinnieMountain · 17/10/2021 06:56

DH told me when I was 6 months pregnant that he was really worried he’d be a disengaged father like his was. I was happy to reassure him as we’re a partnership. I’d have felt sad if he’d hidden it.