Does / would this annoy you ?

Frostine · 2021-10-16T10:15:40+00:00

My dh is one of those people that can do most things . He learnt welding for a hobby and then went on to get qualifications in it including gas safe ones so can do plumbing . Is an electrician but does not do that for a career , can fix cars / bikes . Whenever we have friends ( we have moved a few times ) once they learn he can do things , he is used to be their Mr Fix it. For example we saw friends yesterday , when we went around , most of the time he was fixing their pc . Last week he looked at another friends ds bike . Don't get me wrong ,it's nice he can help people , but I can't help feel we ( he ) is seen as a ' handy ' friend , and not an actual friend.

notacooldad · 16/10/2021 11:20

I would say whether they regarded him as a friend depends on how they treated him in general. Is he asked to socalise with them when things don't need doing, does he get invited to their events along with their other friends etc.

Damnyoureyes · 16/10/2021 11:24

Yep.
My Dh sounds like yours.
It’s family members that expect his help more than friends.
Doesn’t help that he can never fucking say no.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/10/2021 12:40

How does it come out that he can do most things unless one you mentions it. For example going to see friends I wouldn't just assume that someone can fix a computer unless the conversation went along the lines of:

Friend: The PC is down again, what a PITA.
Your DH: Let me have a look, maybe I can fix it.

If it's happening this often with different groups of people i.e. not family then surely one or both of you is encouraging it.

Original poster

Frostine · 16/10/2021 12:59

@VladmirsPoutine
No it's a case of come over , so we do , and then more often than not ........ Can you take a look at ?

OP posts:

Original poster

Frostine · 16/10/2021 13:00

@Damnyoureyes

Yes mines the same .

OP posts:

notacooldad · 16/10/2021 13:04

I asked in my first post, just after you posted this. Do you both get invited to other places with them or is it only to their home? That should give you a clue as to see how they categorize your friendship.

Wellybootsareyoufrom · 16/10/2021 13:11

Yes I get this a lot, we've also got a van, so not only is my DH constantly fixing, fitting and building we often get roped in to house moves and tip runs.
He works away during the week so I've resent helping acquaintances with their chores over a weekend!

SentDeliveredRead · 16/10/2021 13:29

Yep, don't hear from them until they want a favour done. Pisses me right off
Started to give them phone numbers of plumbers etc now
I don't mind helping anyone but when they just expect it it pisses me right off

Original poster

Frostine · 16/10/2021 13:34

@VladmirsPoutine
Not really , yesterday her and I went for a walk whilst they were working on it , but that's it really. Lots of other things as well make me feel we chose the wrong friends.

OP posts:

notacooldad · 16/10/2021 14:33

Are my posts invisible OP?
🤣🤣
I was the first one to respond and ask you direct questions.
Youve answered and tagged others but still not answered when I asked again!!
Jeez, I was only trying to help!🤷‍♀️

Original poster

Frostine · 16/10/2021 14:52

@notacooldad
Wow not a little aggressive there !
No
No
and No
Go and have a lie down or a cup of tea.

OP posts:

flowersmakeitbetter · 16/10/2021 15:05

Don't go to their house? Meet them at the pub or a restaurant?

My DH is very good at fixing things and he often gets this. My Mum loves him more than me I think!

maofteens · 16/10/2021 15:17

There was another thread from a lawyer I think who was constantly being asked for free advice. She managed to get around it by saying something along the lines of 'I can see you in the office but I advise you on legal matters unless you are a client'. I think your husband needs to make some sort of similar distinction. Repairing something for his family or in laws is one thing, but he has to learn to say to friends: 'actually that's quite involved and if you call the office they can see if I can fit you in'. Or 'I've been working overtime this week and I'm here to socialise' with a big smile and looking them straight in the eye.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/10/2021 15:18

But that still doesn't answer the question. If they are friends until they knew your dh was good at things they wouldn't have thought to ask. How did they come about knowing. I could understand if they knew your dh was say a plumber therefore they had a plumbing issue and asked for your dh's expertise, but to then take it further and know your dh is good at other things / generally everything else then one or both of you must have made it known.

In anycase it's not a big deal. Just say you can't meet / unavailable.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 16/10/2021 15:24

@VladmirsPoutine

But that still doesn't answer the question. If they are friends until they knew your dh was good at things they wouldn't have thought to ask. How did they come about knowing. I could understand if they knew your dh was say a plumber therefore they had a plumbing issue and asked for your dh's expertise, but to then take it further and know your dh is good at other things / generally everything else then one or both of you must have made it known.

In anycase it's not a big deal. Just say you can't meet / unavailable.

This. You haven't explained how they would know to ask.

No one asks me or my DH to look at their PC when we visit.

@notacooldad was not being aggressive. Your response was aggressive though...

coodawoodashooda · 16/10/2021 15:30

@notacooldad

Are my posts invisible OP? 🤣🤣 I was the first one to respond and ask you direct questions. Youve answered and tagged others but still not answered when I asked again!! Jeez, I was only trying to help!🤷‍♀️

That's not aggressive. If the 'friends' are generous in their 'thanks' then that is more acceptable. It would annoy me a bit too though.

notacooldad · 16/10/2021 15:50

Wow not a little aggressive there !
No
No
and No*
Go and have a lie down or a cup of tea
Wow straight back at you!
I was only having a bit of banter with you!! Jeez!

grapewine · 16/10/2021 15:54

[quote Frostine]@notacooldad
Wow not a little aggressive there !
No
No
and No
Go and have a lie down or a cup of tea.[/quote]
Wow...

And you call other posters aggressive.

grapewine · 16/10/2021 15:57

@VladmirsPoutine

But that still doesn't answer the question. If they are friends until they knew your dh was good at things they wouldn't have thought to ask. How did they come about knowing. I could understand if they knew your dh was say a plumber therefore they had a plumbing issue and asked for your dh's expertise, but to then take it further and know your dh is good at other things / generally everything else then one or both of you must have made it known.

In anycase it's not a big deal. Just say you can't meet / unavailable.

This.

And just be less available if it annoys both of you.