Need to get life in order

[MrsGatsby99]

Been doing the best i can for ages now but recently have dropped a few plates. Seems a bit minor but last straw was i just completely forgot to take my DD to her hairdresser's appiuntment. I know, no biggie really and am going to go there this morning and pay for the missed appointment as this is now the secind time. Just feel it's so hard keeping up the mental load. It's mainly to do with my job that is emotiinally stressful, busy and intense. This is why we missed the appointment because i was still thinking about a work issue. I have all the apps and a physical calendar, just didn't look at them. Thinking of not going back to my hsirdressers that i have beem going to for 10 years (after i have paid for missing appointment) as i am embarrassed that they think i am unreliable - which i kind of am for them at least.
It's a combo of work stress (not compartmentalising properly), 80% responsibility for household chores, taking DC to all activities, dentist, hairdresser etc... and feeling overwhelmed.

Does anyone else get it? Any advice?
DH needs to do more, probably, but he is working 12+ hours a day. Covid hasn't helped matters either.

Sorry this post is long but needed to give context.

Have you discussed this with your DH? What about work? Can you speak with your manager about how better to deal with things?

If the hairdressers is the plate you keep dropping give that to Dh.

Yes, will consider both of those. It's hard to admit any kind of weakness in the culture of my workplace. We kind of have to be the strong ones. Might have to bring it up with my LM though as it might help others to as well.
Think my issue is mainly with my own emotions. Feel a kind of shame and embarrassment if i get anything wrong. But sharing the load with DH more would help. Don't want to burden him either. Maybe i am a martyr?

I don't think you're a martyr, I think you sound like you feel a lot of pressure to be 'perfect' and keep everything going at all times.

Really don't sweat it about the hairdressers

. They won't give it a second thought, imagine how many customers they have! People aren't paying is nearly as much attention as you think - sounds like you're blowing that up a bit in your mind, maybe due to a general feeling of wanting to keep all the balls in the air.

Talk to your husband - running a household and having a child alongside work is a massive load, I'd never manage without my husband, we are a team and look out for/pick up the slack for each other all the time. Share the load, it's what marriage is all about.

Hope you feel a bit better about things soon!

I think you need to reframe things OP. Stop thinking of things as weaknesses for starters. You're human, you can't do everything without it affecting how you feel or you'd be some sort of sociopath. Everyone gets things wrong. What is a weakness is repeatedly doing the same thing and getting an unwanted outcome but not changing anything. If you don't change anything you can't expect a different result.

Maybe a course on resilience would help you and provide some strategies on how to deal with things better for you?

As for the hairdresser's, I wouldn't change them as that just adds another thing to your mental load: find a new hairdresser.

Don't just have a physical calendar. In my world everything goes on my phone calendar with an alarm an hour before and at the time I need to get ready. If it isn't on there it probably just won't happen. Dh should do more too.

How old is your dd? Did you tell her about the appointment? Dcs can be good at remembering their stuff.
Is your physical calendar on display? It seems you need to create a habit of checking it. A good time may be Sunday evening at dinner when everyone talks about what they have coming up for the week, then check every evening before bed.
Try a ritual to specifically switch off from work. Something along the lines of setting up your list for the next day and then switching off and washing your hands. Google ‘work shut down rituals’ and see if any of the ideas help.

@Cattitudes

Don't just have a physical calendar. In my world everything goes on my phone calendar with an alarm an hour before and at the time I need to get ready. If it isn't on there it probably just won't happen. Dh should do more too.

This

A physical calendar doesn't work for me as I just don't look at it

But you're stressed and overwhelmed with too much stuff going on, so you need to shift as much as possibly out of your head and onto a electronic reminder.

Your brain has a limit to what it can contain

Thank you everyone. Really helpful. Getting my DD to remind me is a good one as she has a great memory for things to do wiyh her.

Think i am being too hard on myself. Went to the hairdressers to pay and she would not think of taking my money. She said i know your job is full on and you have a lot on generally so don't worry.

Just got to work on not seeing forgetting something as weakness/failure. But i do like being organised so this is part of my perfectionism.

Yes, weekly look at calendar. I do use Outlook as well with reminders. Just couldn't look at my phone that day as we have no phones on shift.

Still, feel much better now. Glass of wine or two tonight.

I think, at my heart, i am worried about forgetting something really important one day.

@WeAreTheHeroes will look into some kind of course on resilience or assertiveness or something...generally, i feel i am pretty resilient but obviously the stress comes out somewhere at times, in even the strongest of people. I think it's more about managing my emotions so CBT could be good.

This is stress. I've had it. Then it turns into anxiety which it sounds like it at that point for you as you are worrying about things that have happens and Catastrophising about what hasn't yet happens.

So right now I am busy and manic and stressed but not anxious- I can do every thing I need to and some things I want to.

You need to drop all the non essential tasks and try and take a day of work and just plan the next four weeks.

I forgot my best friends sons birthday and then sent card with the wrong age on. This was 7 years ago and still remember it now.

As the anxiety created 'low mood' I I had some help from the NHS talking thereapies and an amazing practitioner. Managing my time was a key issue even though I had plenty of time I wasn't function correctly. So I was taught to divide tasks in routine (eg getting up dressed work), necessary ( eg buying car insurance) and pleasurable (eg playing with children/ going out for dinner/ coffee/gym etc) .

I hope this helps you a bit.

@cherrypiepie thank you, that resonates with me. I think it might be a touch of anxiety at times. I have some leave coming up soon so will look into firstly having a rest and looking after myself, secondly functioning more efficiently without overthinking. I think my stress is situational overall rather than chronic tbh. But will bear in mind the talking therapies idea.