I've been ghosted and I'm so sad.

[donovanhat]

I've really tried hard to 'work on myself' and give OLD a go. I am a good person. I am attractive. I would be such a good partner.

I'm supposed to meet friends for lunch tomorrow, and I don't want to go. Why do I have to admit that no one even likes me enough for a second date while they get to plan their weddings and babies? It's so unfair.

It won't be any reflection on you. I know loads of nice women and men who have been ghosted, stood up, even insulted on first dates. Some people have their own issues. If you have any hobbies or interests that mean you could join a group or community, you might find that helps,then you're able to just meet men as friends and gauge what they are like.
You don't want someone who ghosts people. Sorry this happened to you.
Hugs.

It just keeps happening. It's so hard to not take it personally when it seems like it is something to do with me :(

I know this isn’t going to help you much, but I quit OLD with the mindset I’d meet someone without it, naturally and something shifted in my energy / perception because since then I’ve met loads of nice guys!
Still not met ‘the one’ but have no shortage of male friends now and so am always meeting new men

There's a lot of strange people on online dating. I know people who are good looking and lovely people who have had multiple bad experiences. One friend struggled for years then married a good un. I've had men who met up and turned out to be lying about huge things. One seemed nice but ghosted me. He's local and it turned out he was married, another who ghosted me turned out to be pretending about his firefighter job, he didn't like it when he realised I knew other local firefighters and had vanished because he knew I was about to find him out. Any guy who ghosts you is not worth worrying over. A decent man would explain why he didn't want it to go any further.
I know how you feel though. It is a horrible thing to go through xxx

You never get a second date? That does seem unusual tbh

Yes, that’s tough, sorry that’s happened. I think it’s just a numbers game. Set up as many dates as possible but short coffees, maybe more than one in the same day. Be texting more than one guy at a time and move on if you’re not feeling it.

Also, you don't have to "admit that no one likes you enough for a second date" that isn't what happened, there are loads of nobs on online dating, it isn't you!! It sounds like you have lots of funny stories you can tell about the freaks and weirdos you've met, tell your friends those, they'll fall about laughing, and taking control of the narrative will make you happier too. Think of unlucky-in-love Fleabag, or Sarah Millican in their stage shows - they are intelligent, funny, and sassy women. The joke is the idiot men that don't appreciate them! Channel a little of that x

Oh OP... it really, really isn't you.

I've been there - been ghosted and on more than one occassion was told "i've met someone else and want to see what happens there" I means, points for honesty, but what a kicker!

I remember sitting at work and crying to my then boss about how I just never seemed to be good enough.

I left the apps on my phone and one evening at the start of lockdown went on and swiped right on a profile of a chap who lived 40 miles away, not really thinking that anything would come of it... He moved in with me last month

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to dwell. I promise you it really is them, not you, that is the problem

I had this problem, the advice I was given is that the men who ghost/not interested in second dates etc are the ones trying to sniff out a shag rather than a relationship. And there's plenty of those types on old. Not worth the head space, move on. I was stood up on one date, went out upset and depressed intending to drown my sorrows and ended up meeting someone absolutely luscious! Moral of the story, get back on the horse you don't know who's just around the corner.

Instead of trying to get a relationship to 'stick', work of becoming braver.
The thoughts of going on holiday alone might scare you but that's a good reason to do it. What would you love to do? Yoga, a cruise? the camino, pottery, a stain glass window course? Arrange it!

@TurnUpTurnip

You never get a second date? That does seem unusual tbh

Wow, I’m sure that comment has really boosted the OP’s confidence

What I have found with OLD in the past is that a lot of men (not all) are just after sex, so if you’re not giving out that vibe on the first date that you will sleep with them then they will move on to someone else who they think they’ll have more luck with. Obviously I’m just speaking from personal experience and experiences from my friends who have tried it, and similarly been ghosted in the same way as you have.

My advice is try and meet more men IRL or if you continue with OLD maybe try and speak to them for longer online or on the phone to give you more of an idea of what they are really like before meeting them in person, and potentially experiencing disappointment.

Don’t let your past experiences knock your confidence!

Think of it like a wine pairing. Just because you wouldn't drink a chablis with a beef stew doesn't mean there's something wrong with either.

I really can’t laugh at it. I know that sounds pitying and miserable, but it’s not funny to me.

I do lots of things alone and I’m fairly confident in that :)

I really like coffee dates and I think that does help weed out the sex pests. I know I shouldn’t compare myself etc but it’s so hard. More dates just seems like more rejection.

Think of it like a wine pairing. Just because you wouldn't drink a chablis with a beef stew doesn't mean there's something wrong with either.

This has made me laugh right out loud

It’s grim. I feel your pain. Similar experience. Just dipping toe in water. Ghosted after first meet up. I don’t get it. How difficult is it to just say ‘sorry, not for me. Good luck’. Ghosting is spineless and really makes you feel crap.