most irritating things your kids do....light hearted, sort of

[MouseRoar]

I have twins, aged 6. I say to them "time for bed". Cue exhausted tears, bellows of "I'M NOT TIRED" a battle to get teeth brushed, pyjamas on, and constant interruptions during the story. Gah. Always on a Friday after a long week.
They wail when I put out the light "BUT IM NOT TIR-ZZZZ". Leaving me a frazzled gibbering ball of stress.
Happy weekend everybody

Ring me at 3am to get me to go down stairs to let their friend in, because darling child (19) is actually still in a nightclub. I was in a really deep sleep! Better than when he rang me at 4.30am to pick him and about 60 mates up because the Ubers kept taking one look at them and cancelling on him.

My 3.5 year old likes to poke my armpit when she’s tired. It gives me the rage now, although I tolerated it at first as she started doing it when she quit breastfeeding at 2.5. Going to have to stop it somehow….

The non stop talking. I adore my kids, I just need a hit of peace every now and again. I thought 2nd one might be quieter but no they both just talk all day long. Largely about nothing.

When DD8 gets a strop on because, you know, time.

I tell her it's 8.15am and she needs to get dressed as we leave for school soon. Cue flouncing, wails of, "It's not FAAAAIR!" and general preteen arsiness. Gives me the absolute rage. What the ever loving fuck does she expect me to do, stop the passage of time?

Talking incessantly about memes and gaming youtubers

@YourFinestPantaloons

I love 9yo DD with all my heart but my god the child never stops talking. She also does it in preteen speak, almost American vernacular, where every sentence goes up at the end (like a question). But rarely says anything useful (sorry DD but it's true) and although she asks questions she never waits for an answer.

Sometimes in the car I'd just like to listen to my music. Just one song. 3 minutes. DS is quiet as a mouse and all I can hear in the back is "So today, like, I was like playing in the playground and Ben came up to me and said why do you have bows on your shoes and I thought LOL how am I like supposed to know why the shoe making company say "Ooh I have a good idea let's like put some bows on a kid's shoes", like seriously Ben does he actually think I know the answer to that question. I don't! So I just said I don't know and he like said ok and walked off. Then when I went to the loo there were like some year 6 girls chatting outside and being really like mean about Abigail's sister who I think is in year 2....no actually she's in Year 9....I mean she's 25. So like they were saying her sister is super annoying and always bugs them and tries to tell them to to play Roblox"

Get home, I'll put some of my TV on, she will come in and says "Who's that? Oh my god don't you think she looks like Miss Jones from school" (they never look like whoever she claims) "Wow I like the wallpaper but I'd like totally have like yellow flowers rather than blue? Like, blue flowers just makes the room look a bit dar....oh my days what is THAT? Is that her dog? What breed is it? It's soooooooo cuuuuuuuhte, mum, mum, mum, mum, pause the TV for like a second, I'm gonna take a picture of that dog on my iPad and show Bella when I next see her. Where's my iPad? Do you know where it is? No mummy pause it, seriously that dog is like amaaaazibg and I love it's collar too!"

Outwardly I'm always nodding and smiling but internally is am screaming "Shut the FUCK UP". I do sometimes say "right quiet time now". That lasts for all of 30 seconds

😁 amazing!

Shrugging in answer to a question that you need a specific answer to, especially when rushing...always gives me the rage... definitely a count to ten situation.

Someone taught my child the word ‘light’ or to him ‘yight’ we then had to go on a long motorway drive. I decided it would be easier to do this at night so he would snooze, oh how wrong I was, he was fascinated by the ‘yights’ and told me there was one every fucking minute. St. Albans to. Leeds … the joy of vocabulary…..

I've been reading these this morning and it's given me such a laugh, thanks for sharing everyone. I totally agree, the slowness- especially on school mornings- the CONSTANT background noise, not able to see stuff at the end of their nose....I'm glad its not just me.

The mums of teens have given me pause though. They're going to be annoying right up till the day they move out then?

"Mum, do you know where X is? I can't find it..."

Me...opens drawer/cupboard/whatever...finds X right where it should be 🙄

"tv on"
"Okay what would you like?"
"Postman Pat"
.... Puts on postman pat. Three seconds later.....
"Postman Pat off!!!!! Postman Pat offffff!!!! NO POSTMAN PAAAAAT!!!!!!! (WEEPING).

Breathe

Oh the joys of puberty have brought me a whole new mothering experience.

Yesterday we have a death defying sulk because I made her favourite pasta instead of pizza. She's having pizza tonight.

Her dad has bought her breakfast in bed today as a treat because she is begrudgingly coming along to her sisters sporting event and has had to miss it on seeing her friend. Porridge too hot (and she's not a fucking bear).

I have moved into the laughing instead of crying to keep my sanity.

Mine is when my eldest (8) suddenly remembers things from weeks/months/years ago at bedtime. All nice and tucked into bed and then 5 minutes later he comes downstairs saying "Mum remember when I was 4 you said you would give me 50p if I helped you wash the car? Well I dont think you did actually give me it"

Makes me irate.

My middle just says NO im NOT doing it! When asked to do things like tidy up. Or he will make a mess all by himself and when asked to tidy up he will say "i cant do it all by myself" Im triggered by it so much.

My youngest is only 5months old and is good as gold so far..

3yo DD's flippin cloth ears! She'll basically ignore me when I ask her to do anything. Or sometimes her eyes will glaze over while she thinks of some completely unrelated excuse as to why she can't do something 😂
Also when I'm helping her get dressed she stands at an awkward angle or will stand just slightly out of reach, drives me mad!

1yo screams like a woman being murdered when he cries. It makes my ears ring. He's also got this new habit of putting his fingers in my ears for comfort, on top of smacking my glasses off my face, biting me and climbing all over me at all times. I'm constantly overestimated and on edge!

And nobody (DH included) speaks in this house, they YELL

*overstimulated, not overestimated!

Someone posted this here last week:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLxQGLJouI

It’s spot on!

Mine is interrupting songs on the radio, talking over them, pausing them and changing them mid way through. I feel like crying!!

I have a moves-at-glacial-speed 10yo. People wonder why I drink so much coffee at work - I’ve already put in a full day trying to get him out the door every morning! Paint dries faster than he can get dressed, it’s painful to watch and I end up like a pp’s mum shrieking “just get dressed!” on repeat until we’re out the door.

Same with not being able to find anything. I’ll get “Mam where’s my…?” It’s literally right next to you. If it was a snake it would have bitten you. Just move your hand a micron to the left and you have it FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ITS RIGHT THERE!!!!!

his 7yo brother is a different matter when it comes to losing things. When he can’t find stuff, it’s disappeared into some black hole of missing toys/socks/shoes and will take weeks of pulling the house to bits to find. Problem is he has asd and will not stop going on about it until it’s found. At least he can get dressed quicker than his brother…

I'm despairing at all of you with slooow moving children much older than mine. This isn't going to get better is it?

[grin]@JojobaFromOctober doesn't seem like there's much hope for reprieve anytime soon

There's no reprieve, ever. DD comes round, makes remarks about our housekeeping, and then cleans the kitchen so aggressively we daren't use it. Meanwhile DGS rolls naked round the bathroom shouting "is my bum clean?".