Do you think I'll be able to get sterilised?

[SterilisationQ]

I'm 35, and for various reasons my options for contraception are limited. I've come to the conclusion that sterilisation is the best option. I've never wanted children and have never wavered in this, and I'm hoping now that I'm 35 the GP/consultant will believe me that I won't change my mind (or at least that it will be my informed choice to risk regretting).

I am single at the moment. For the first time in a while I'm interested in meeting someone, and I'd really like to have this sorted before that happens, partly for practical reasons and partly because that way, if I do end up getting into a more serious relationship, then my cards will be on the table and there won't be any possibility of him thinking I might change my mind or other similar problems.

However, the NICE guidelines talk about the "partner", and advise the providers to ask about why sterilisation is a better option than vasectomy for the male partner. On the NHS site, though, it says: "If you have a partner, discuss it with them before you decide. If possible, you should both agree to the procedure, but it's not a legal requirement to get your partner's permission," which seems pretty positive to me, so I'm not sure how it will go.

Do you think they're likely to give me a flat "no" if I'm single? I'm pretty confident that I can clearly present my reasoning for wanting to be sterilised, but I'd like to know as much as possible about what stumbling blocks I might face. I won't be making the appointment for a few weeks as I'm moving to a different area.

Any advice in general on asking for sterilisation is also very welcome!

Doubt it to be honest unless you pay to go private.

Almost impossible to get sterilisation on the nhs now.

I have a medical condition that means ANY pregnancy since dd is potentially fatal for me even in early stages and I STILL couldn't get sterilisation!

Absolutely ludicrous that NICE guidelines basically still imply that women need their partners "permission" it's our choice!

I think you would need to go private tbh

On the NHS? No. They refused to sterilise me (3 kids and proven serious medical problems relating to pregnancy and childbirth). Suggested I get my partner to get the snip instead, apparently their preference is “much faster and easier” as opposed to preventing an accidental pregnancy and saving a life

Also it’s complete bullshit that you need your partners permission. That’s not a thing anymore, anyone that’s actually looked into sterilisation would know that

I got sterilized at 26 on the nhs. So it can be done

Thanks for your answers! Ok, so it sounds likely that I'll need to consider going private. I'm still going to ask, just in case. Being pregnant would quite likely be dangerous for me (besides not wanting it), but I see that even that doesn't necessarily mean anything!

Yes, it seems like the stuff about partners is more to see if they could have a vasectomy instead, rather than if they approve. They way they (NICE in this case) phrase it seems to imply that they're viewing it as something that would be done within a committed relationship - maybe once a family is "complete"? I did find it a bit off-putting that they just say "the partner" rather than something like "If the patient is in a relationship..." or something: "The partner's suitability for sterilization should also be assessed, as the couple's clinical history, present symptoms, and/or examination findings may influence which partner goes forward to have sterilization."

@Graphista What reason did they give you, if you don't mind my asking? Or was it just a blunt no?

@Kittykat93 That's encouraging! Was it difficult to arrange?

The waiting list for elective surgeries will be huge now due to Covid. I mentioned my husband potentially getting a vasectomy to my GP and she said it would be an incredibly long wait. Years not months .

I don’t know personally but I was chatting to my friend the other day (single mum to two kids) and she said she asked her GP to be sterilised but they said they wouldn’t do it because she wasn’t married.

It wasn't difficult to arrange no. Had it done last year. I did have to see 2 consultants but gp referred me straight away. I have one child if that makes any difference

I am in a very similar boat to @Kittykat93 - I was sterilised at 26 with 1 child. It was a very easy process to be honest. Please feel free to ask any questions or DM me

They basically said I may change my mind and consider the risk to have another worth taking - 80% risk of fatality? Er...no!

Also my age (I wasn't yet 30) and that I was ok using hormonal contraceptive and that had worked for me so far (except for the unplanned pregnancy at 18! On the pill!)

At that time I also had been asked to take them dh in with me to an appointment which I was disgusted by then I can't believe that crap is still in nice guidelines?

I tried asking again after divorce and I was basically given same reasons

It is possible but when the assessment happens they will take into account that the most effective contraceptive is vasectomy.
After this comes the implant and then mirena. Copper coil is at least as effective as female sterilisation not far behind is the pill/ patch etc. You can see why Drs are hesitant about a procedure with risk of anaesthetic and significant cost when other methods are as effective or more effective, miles cheaper, much lower medical risk and reversible. Some of the reversible methods also have the benefit of lighter or non existent periods which is also a positive.Sterilisation is possible on the nhs but being an elective procedure involves a wait and in all likelihood a bit of hoop jumping no to show why the medically preferably options are not suitable.

I think your best route (if it would be dangerous for you to get pregnant) would be via your current consultant.
I have child patients waiting over 6 months for appointments at the moment, someone with no partner wanting to be sterslised will not get anywhere.

I had it done at 29 on the NHS. I already had kids though.

Why are other forms of contraception not ok? Mirena is great in my experience, no periods is great? Your choice but just wondering!

I know someone your age whiners sterilised in the NHS (two DC, no real reasons not to have more DC) and one who asked but was refused on age as under 30 ( her DH had a child , she had a child and they had two DC together. Friend also had epilepsy)

Friend and her DH subsequently separated, so another child would just have complicated things.

Three of their four DC are not NT. I jokingly said to friend she should have take the four boys to the appointment with her. Then they would have offered sterilisation. (Much as I love her boys!)

Why are other forms of contraception not ok? Mirena is great in my experience, no periods is great? Your choice but just wondering!

Less effective (with typical as opposed to perfect use)

Some women can't tolerate hormonal contraceptives medically

Mirena is HUGELY controversial and dubious! Great it's worked for you but a lot of users have had VERY negative experiences AND THEN been unable to get the damn things removed before it's "time is up". There's a financial incentive to promoting mirena and disincentive to removing - though that is often denied - and nobody seems to question WHY it's this brand of hormonal coil that is the only one available on the nhs - there are others

There are similar issues with implants

Some people cannot use hormones or condoms (allergy issues) I know someone for whom this is the case and she ended up going private for sterilisation

And what about our right to choose? This is a fundamental part of women's rights imo

Thanks for all the extra information! Very good point about the longer waiting lists.

Re current contraceptives - I should have included this in my OP but it was getting long already! I can't use combined contraceptives like the combined pill or the patch because I had a blood clot while taking the pill; the mini-pill gave me very negative emotional side effects (and so I'm not keen on trying any of the other progestogen-based methods like the implant or injection); I tried the copper coil and it was a nightmare from start to finish - so painful when they put it in, days of pain, heavy bleeding, a horrible dragging feeling inside for the entire time I had it, and it took a couple of months to get them to agree to remove it (which was distressing in itself, having to argue to get it taken out).

@ArranMumma That is shocking, that they wouldn't do it because she wasn't married!

@Graphista Wow, so an 80% risk wasn't considered strong enough!

@MsFanciful Thanks, that's very kind! I wonder why it's much easier for some people than others. I wonder if it depends on the resources available in different areas.

I'm going to try my best but I'm prepared to be disappointed!

Just reviving my own thread from last year with an update!

I am now on the waiting list to be sterilised! I had no trouble at all getting referred, and was actually really pleasantly surprised by how easy the whole process was. My GP agreed to refer me, and then I had an appointment with a gynaecologist who asked some more in-depth questions about my reasons and we discussed other contraceptive options and why I didn't want them, and whether my partner would have a vasectomy. She examined me and did a quick internal ultrasound. So now I'm just waiting for a surgery date! I was expecting the process to be more daunting and that I would have to argue my case, but it wasn't like that at all.

I was referred by the gp, had a tele consult with the consultant and was listed for surgery 2 weeks ago! Aged 27, from consultant-surgery took maybe 3 months?

I had it done on the NHS 8 years ago. Worst decision I ever made. Not because I wanted more kids after, that never changed. But because of the damage from the scar tissue it caused me and the resulting pain with every monthly period.

I will never recommend it go anyone. Even the Mirena coil would be preferable and I've been since suggested that by gynaecologists as one of my clips has migrated ffs!

I know this is an old thread and I'm glad the process has been easy for you OP. However, I really do find these kind of threads quite frustrating. I know people are posting their own opinions and experiences but the same things keep getting repeated when they simply aren't true for everyone - as shown by the OPs experience.

So much is dependent on area you live in. I work in Gynaecology and I can tell you in my area if you request sterilisation you will likely get it and long as your BMI is under 30. Patients are not forced to keep a coil in and they will be removed on request. Waiting lists are not always long. Currently if you were referred for sterilisation it would likely be around 26 weeks from referral to surgery, but in many cases much less. Admittedly the wait could be shorter, and is certainly more than it was 5 years ago, but is not ridiculously long for a routine elective procedure.

Just another update on this thread - I had the procedure today! I was expecting to be on the waiting list for longer, but was able to attend a cancellation appointment fairly last-minute. Everything went smoothly and I am glad I went for it. Thanks again for the advice and support on the thread!

So glad it went well for you!

Hope the recovery goes just as well 🙏

Glad it all went well for you OP.