Need advice heartbroken

[EmmaL96]

I’m 25 with a little girl met a guy last December at new year we got talking and started seeing each other and just clicked right away everything was great between us the first 4 month we were in long distance as he is originally from Newcastle but met him in Glasgow he got a job back down in Newcastle so he would come up every second weekend and stay at mines and each time he come we just become closer and closer and we both fell for each and exspressed we had strong feelings for each other when I was with my child’s dad that was a toxic relationship and I was very unhappy so it was breath of fresh air to finally meet someone that just felt so right for me we got on so well had the same sense of humour had the same things in common he always made me laugh and we just bounced of each other anyway around the end of March he said he wanted to do an apprenticeship in his job and could only do it in Newcastle he asked if I would consider moving down with my daughter and we could live together untill he completed his apprenticeship then we would move back after some consideration I agreed he met my family and everybody liked him , sometimes I would get worried that he would drop me or loose interest as iv been hurt a lot in the past but every time I exsplained this to come he would reassure me this is what he wanted and that I made him happy and he seen a future with me and my daughter so the end of April I moved down and the 3 of us lived together the first 3 month may June and July were great and he seemed very happy and like he loved me and I felt the same but over the course of august and September her seemed a bit less effectionate so sometimes I would question myself thinking Deos he still love me is he still attracted to me I was constantly fighting it in my head but convinced myself I was just overthinking as he would still joke around with me and occasionally cuddle me how mum used to offer to watch my little girl and he would always take me out for a drink or something to eat so seemed like things were thing as he also mentioned one night about once I get a job we could save to go on holiday and he spoke about buying a house etc he made me feel Like he was in it for the long run anyway 3 weeks ago one night he came back from work one night I was feeling upset and I thought he was comming to comfort me then he basically said he felt like we rushed into and said he wasn’t happy I was absolutely heartbroken and got angry because I literally gave my house job everything up to be with him I also had just enrolled my daughter into the school next to us I couldn’t beileve what he was telling anyway a lot happend the next few days and by Saturday I was back down in Scotland I don’t know what to make of the situation it was only in July he was telling me how happy he was and how happy I made him I don’t get what could suddenly change how he could suddenly loose his feelings for me he said he’s been feeling this way for the last month and that’s he’s been stressed with work and bills and housework yet it was always me doing the housework I said to him why didn’t you tell me you feeling this way and we could’ve worked through it I just feel like he has through the towel in because things have got a bit hard it’s like the honeymoon period deosnt last forever and when you live with someone your going to have issues with housework and bills etc that’s apart of life he said he felt a bit overwhelmed with us all living together I don’t know what to think I’m so hurt and it feels like a major kick in the teeth o did everything for him would cook and clean for him wash his work clothes always gave him his freedom to go out with his friends etc I tried to be the best girlfriend I could but the weird things is the last 5 weeks before we split I kept getting this weird feeling and I kept wondering if he was interested in someone else or cheating on me and I don’t know as I’m not someone to just accuse someone of that so it was weird that these thoughts were comming into my head if it was a gut feeling or me being paranoid I’m just looking for a bit of advice can anyone try and make sense of this the way he’s acted since we have split is so cold and heartless like he deosnt care hasn’t even asked how my daughter is considering they had a close bond it’s just so hurtful 😞

I usually roll my eyes when people claim they can’t read a post due to lack of paragraphs or full stops but my god, that was impossible to read!

The only thing you can do is move on and focus on you and your daughter. Next time you get into a relationship, wait longer to introduce him to your DD and definitely longer to move in together, especially if it involves completely upending your life.

Ohhh OP!!

What a mess there's no way I would give my house up for a man even of he lived in a mansion I have a DS and I cannot afford to be in a vulnerable position. You both have moved too fast.

So what will you do about your living situation now? Have you got a support network?

The post was hard going trying to read it due to lack of full stops etc, I feel you didn’t wait long enough and went full steam ahead with this relationship! You gave up so much and have a daughter to think about, my advice to you is to take things very slowly, move on! Sorry to hear this, but sadly things do go wrong even as quickly as yours did

Its just one of those things. It all happened too quickly and he has got cold feet. It is a great sshame you gave up your house. Was it a council house private rental or owned. You will just have to concentrate on the practicalities of the situation re housing and jobs and do the best you can after this let down.

You don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all looking for advice not criticisms

You rushed into things. I say this gently, but you come across a little intense and Insecure and I can imagine that would get tiring quite quickly. Take it slowly next time. You have a child to consider. You can’t just give everything up for every man you meet

did everything for him would cook and clean for him wash his work clothes always gave him his freedom to go out with his friends

Why did you do all this for him??

I'm sorry OP. It must be very hard right now.

You asked for advice and I think PP are advising you to take things much more slowly when you meet someone else.

I'm sure you're not thinking of that right now though.

On a practical note, have you somewhere to live? Can you go back to your old job?
You mentioned your mum. Can you move in with her?
Can your daughter return to her old school?

Regarding how your daughter will cope, I think, for now, I would just tell her that he had to go away with work and he will be away for a long time. It might be easier for her to process this instead of him just 'disappearing' from her life.

If you can, return to your old area and friends and support network. You need them more than ever and you WILL get over this man even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

You met a guy in December, were long distance for 4 months then moved hundreds of miles at the end of April. I hate to say it but he shouldn't even have met your daughter by then.

What a nightmare OP

What’s done, is done. All you can do is learn from it. You were both guilty of rushing head first into this, but unfortunately you were the biggest loser (and your little girl).
It doesn’t really matter whether he’s sympathetic to your plight and the damage he’s caused or not. It won’t change anything even if he were upset about it.
He sounds very selfish and uncaring. Put yourself and your little one first and don’t bend over backwards to please a man again.

I’m 25 with a little girl, met a guy last December. At new year we got talking and started seeing each other, and just clicked right away. Everything was great between us the first 4 month we were in long distance as he is originally from Newcastle but met him in Glasgow. He got a job back down in Newcastle so he would come up every second weekend and stay at mines and each time. He come we just become closer and closer and we both fell for each and expressed we had strong feelings for each other.

When I was with my child’s dad, that was a toxic relationship and I was very unhappy so it was breath of fresh air to finally meet someone that just felt so right for me. We got on so well, had the same sense of humour, had the same things in common - he always made me laugh and we just bounced of each other.

Anyway, around the end of March he said he wanted to do an apprenticeship in his job and could only do it in Newcastle. He asked if I would consider moving down with my daughter and we could live together untill he completed his apprenticeship then we would move back. After some consideration I agreed he met my family and everybody liked him. Sometimes I would get worried that he would drop me or lose interest as iv been hurt a lot in the past, but every time I explained this to come he would reassure me this is what he wanted and that I made him happy and he seen a future with me and my daughter. So the end of April I moved down and the 3 of us lived together the first 3 month, May June and July were great and he seemed very happy and like he loved me and I felt the same. But over the course of August and September her seemed a bit less affectionate so sometimes I would question myself thinking "Does he still love me? Is he still attracted to me?" I was constantly fighting it in my head but convinced myself I was just overthinking as he would still joke around with me and occasionally cuddle me. How mum used to offer to watch my little girl and he would always take me out for a drink or something to eat so seemed like things were thing as he also mentioned one night about once I get a job we could save to go on holiday, and he spoke about buying a house etc. He made me feel Like he was in it for the long run.

Anyway, 3 weeks ago, one night he came back from work one night I was feeling upset and I thought he was coming to comfort me then he basically said he felt like we rushed into and said he wasn’t happy. I was absolutely heartbroken and got angry because I literally gave my house, job everything up to be with him. I also had just enrolled my daughter into the school next to us. I couldn’t beileve what he was telling, anyway, a lot happend the next few days and by Saturday I was back down in Scotland. I don’t know what to make of the situation, it was only in July he was telling me how happy he was and how happy I made him. I don’t get what could suddenly change how he could suddenly lose his feelings for me he said he’s been feeling this way for the last month and that’s he’s been stressed with work and bills and housework, yet it was always me doing the housework. I said to him why didn’t you tell me you feeling this way and we could’ve worked through it, I just feel like he has through the towel in because things have got a bit hard, it’s like the honeymoon period deosnt last forever and when you live with someone your going to have issues with housework and bills etc. That’s a part of life, he said he felt a bit overwhelmed with us all living together.

I don’t know what to think. I’m so hurt and it feels like a major kick in the teeth. I did everything for him would cook and clean for him wash his work clothes, always gave him his freedom to go out with his friends etc. I tried to be the best girlfriend I could, but the weird things is the last 5 weeks before we split I kept getting this weird feeling and I kept wondering if he was interested in someone else or cheating on me and I don’t know as I’m not someone to just accuse someone of that. So it was weird that these thoughts were coming into my head, if it was a gut feeling or me being paranoid. I’m just looking for a bit of advice can anyone try and make sense of this the way he’s acted since we have split is so cold and heartless like he deosnt care hasn’t even asked how my daughter is considering they had a close bond it’s just so hurtful 😞

I'm so sorry to hear. Heartbreak hurts like hell. Do you have friends/family you can talk to/confide in? The pain will pass, it really will. If you can get on the list for some counselling that might help too.
to you

You’ve learned a massive lesson here. You moved way too fast. You’d spent around 8 weekends with this man then gave up all your security to go and live with him. In the cold light of day, it was a crazy decision. It was too early even introduce him to your child.

Pick yourself up, focus on you (and DC) security. Put your life back together. Never let this happen again.

@mnhq why was my comment deleted yet the 1st and 3rd comments after mine say the same thing??

The grammar twats on posts like this are beyond tedious. You're not frightfully clever and witty, you're just twats.

OP, as all the decent people have said,you absolutely rushed into this. You barely knew him, and now you've been totally let down. Hes a shit, but you've got to do whats best for you now.

Are you moving back home, can you get your old job back?

I had no issue reading that at all. It amazes me how quickly some people are to out themselves as being unable to comprehend anything without punctuation. It isnt difficult. Saying you cannot read without full stops doesnt make you sound clever.

Op, did everything for him would cook and clean for him wash his work clothes always gave him his freedom to go out with his friends Why did you do this? He didnt ask you to be a door mat and maid. This isnt what a good girlfriend is. A good girlfriend isnt a servant.

What was your relationship experience growing up?

Yes I’m staying at my mums just now and will look to get a private let or council looking back iv realised that it was rushed and I think sometimes when you have feelings for someone you can make arratic decisions and I feel stupid for doing we’re both stupid because we were so eager to be with each other and I feel terrible for my daughter going through that confusion and change I feel we could of had someone good but it’s got ruined because things were rushed and we dived into the deep and I just feel it’s a whole messed up situation and I just feel horrible all I’m doing is crying I can’t eat properly or sleep

Hopefully your little girl hadn’t been there long enough to get too attached to her school, home, friends etc. Just make a fuss of her and “going home”, and never put her through something like this again until you know someone MUCH better and let them move to fit in with her life..

The reason I did these things was because he worked and I didn’t but he was a bit lazy most guys can be so I would end up doing most of the house work my last relationship was for 4 years and he was controlling and mentally abusive and so it made me think I wasn’t good enough as a person.

And maybe I tried to better this amazing person for this guy and do things for him I am a nice person and I’m not the difficult type I’m quite laid back and I will treat a partner nice bit I do get a little insecure at times because iv been shown how easy I am to through away and it’s affected my self esteem

OP
It was a hard lesson, well learned. We all have things in our lives we wish we could change.
Just keep moving forward- it's all you can do.

But id you have no self respect, other people wont respect you either.

He was lazy. Not an amazing partner for three great months at all. You just have really poor expectations aNd boundaries.

You need to deal with those issues before dating again. And you need go not be moving in with someone after a long distance four month relationship with your child.

You're grieving for the idea you had built up in your head of the 'happy ever after'/what might have been. You're not really grieving for him OP. In a way grieving for what might have been is harder because your hopes have gone up in smoke.

From his perspective, it must have been very overwhelming to go from being a single man dating with no commitments other than his job to being the breadwinner for three people and a father figure. More than likely, he didn't think of the reality of what it would be like, because he had no experience of it.

It would be really great for your self esteem and independence if you could get your job back and you are very lucky to have the option of moving in with your mum. It would be a lot worse if you didn't have this option although I'm sure it doesn't feel like it could get worse right now.

You will get over this heartbreak. Stop blaming yourself for it all going wrong. When you've been treated badly in a previous relationship, you probably jumped with joy when you met someone who was nice to you. But you will see in the future, he won't be a one off. Most people are decent. You were unlucky in your past. You will meet someone else and you'll take it slower.

It might be helpful if you could put your name down for some counselling. There are probably long lists but it would help you to figure out what you need in your future.

You sound very vulnerable to abuse and manipulation op.

Your dd needs you to dial back on the relationship front and concentrate on making her life safe and stable right now.

The freedom program would be useful, as you sound really ground down and your bar for decent behaviour is so low that you think this is what you deserve and what is normal.

It's not. But it can take time to come to terms with this.

Please just take time for you and your dd.

sometimes when you have feelings for someone you can make arratic decisions

We have all done this OP. Concentrate on you and your DD. What would you like to do job wise for yourself? I wouldn't move into private I would hang on for council because when you work the rent will be a lot cheaper than a private landlord also you have less security with private housing.