DH overeating is getting me down

[DHBadDietHelp]

DH has always liked his food but in the last couple of years his diet has really gone downhill. For example, at least once a week he will eat two share size bags of crisps while watching tv, he goes off to Greggs a couple of times a week also for sausage rolls.

Today was especially bad, he had a Burger King meal for lunch, then later two bags of crisps, a slice of cheesecake and a fairy cake (these are all things he buys himself btw). I've said to him I think his diet is awful but tbh he doesn't really care. The weight has piled on around his stomach in the last five or so years also.

Two months ago FIL had a heart attack and has been left with extra health problems, it's now made me even more worried about DH - we have primary age children, what if he has a heart attack and dies?

I just don't know if the best way to deal with this is just to stop caring, I'm not sure if I can spend the rest of our lives being stressed about this, it's beginning to affect my mental health

I would tell him your not happy and that he is being selfish. He needs to be healthy for his kids if he can’t do it for himself.

Surely his Dad’s health is a reminder of what can happen. Tell him your seriously worried and he needs to cut down (at least).

I’m in a similar situation OP. It’s horrible. Anything I say falls on deaf ears and I feel like I’m watching him slowly kill himself. I don’t know what the answer is, if there even is one

Same boat here. It’s got to the point where I find him physically unattractive. Not just because he is morbidly obese but he literally stuffs his face and it’s a turn off. I buy healthy food and cook from scratch but he buys himself takeaways, cakes, biscuits. I can buy a couple of packets of biscuits for the kids to have the odd treat and they are fine by Sunday. I’m at a loss.

Similar situation here OP. My DH put on over 10kg in lockdown last year, on top of already having piled on weight in previous years, and it really shows on him.

Not only does he look awful, but I'm so worried about his health. He eats far too much red meat and a diet high in salt, and not enough fruit or veg. He has started running for exercise again so at least that's something but it's a real worry still. We have pre school age DC and I do think that sometimes he won't live to see them grown up

Any thing I say gets taken as offence and criticism and he doesn't listen. FWIW I'm a slim size 10 and dc also slim, we are not a fat family, only DH. And it's only up to him to take the initiative to lose weight, not by me nagging him.

I hope your DH finds the strength to overhaul his diet and lifestyle

I wouldn't live this way. The greediness, the total lack of concern for his own health, his lack of concern for how you view him, becoming totally turned off physically, it would not be tenable.

No experience but I really feel for you. What has he said about FIL’s heart attack?

Dh knows I lied about the in sickness and in health bit!! Well he knows if he deliberately sabataged his health he would be on his own!! He was quite big when I met him and mid Covid very big. We have both made changes and we are both less now but still being less greedy!
What swayed him stopping pigging out was sex was becoming a bit embarrassing when he was doing just 1 position... Sorry if tmi!

It’s a very difficult situation to find yourself in OP. No doubt the more you mention it the worse he’ll get, a vicious cycle. The problems really start to stack up when there’s alcohol involved (beer bellies) and smoking too, that’s when they start sliding into the red areas of any health charts.

Often there lies a deep rooted issue that triggers this type of self destructive behaviour, addressing that can sometimes help to break the link between food addiction and self esteem.

You say that you've mentioned his diet to him, but have you specifically mentioned how his weight is a serious problem, not just for him, but for you?

Personally I just find greed so unattractive. Absolutely one of the reasons I split from my ex. A trip to mcdonalds would be 2 full meals and 2 double cheeseburgers, after which he'd need a sleep as he'd be too full to move. I know it's a mh issue for some people, but it's so hard to watch someone you love do this to themselves.
I don't know the answer, I tried talking about it and ignoring it over the years, neither worked.

I can relate, op. I don’t have any advice though. I was literally crying earlier tonight because I’m worried my DH is going to die prematurely. I didn’t want to tell him why I was crying though. I’m not sure why I’m not wanting to bring it up considering how much anxiety it’s giving me.

@CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther

I can relate, op. I don’t have any advice though. I was literally crying earlier tonight because I’m worried my DH is going to die prematurely. I didn’t want to tell him why I was crying though. I’m not sure why I’m not wanting to bring it up considering how much anxiety it’s giving me.

You should be completely honest with him, and tell him exactly how much his weight and choices are affecting you. If you can't be honest and open with your husband, the marriage is in very serious trouble anyway.

I'm sorry but I am obese due to overeating/ binge eating, and if my husband monitored what I was eating it would make me worse. He can only change for himself when he is ready. For me it's a cycle of dieting, self sabotage and hating myself basically, so if he is the same as me you bringing it up isn't going to help.

Heartofglass my DH would probably, like a previous poster's DH, take my comments as criticism and he doesn't do well with this!

Penny31 I definitely don't find my DH as attractive any more - I love my husband but I don't love being squashed during sex! I've never told him this but he knows how I feel, I'm sure of it.

Poor health runs in my side of the family (grandparents had multiple heart attacks in their 50s, DM had heart issues also) and I've said to DH in a broad sense that we should be looking after ourselves better but he's almost like "yeah, yeah", wanting to move the subject on to something different.

AnneLovesGilbert DH doesn't have a great relationship with FIL, he said it was no wonder he had a heart attack as he sits in front of the TV smoking and eating biscuits all day. But DH isn't much better - give him a pack of custard creams and they would be gone quickly!

So he had a Burger King meal for lunch, but other than two desserts (which I'm not denying is a bit much) he then had no evening meal? If so, other than the desserts, I don't see how that's too much as a one off? Does he normally skip his evening meal?
Men should be eating 2,500 calories per day roughly. I have no idea whether that's considerably over that amount as I don't know what he had from BK, but I would be roughly looking at his daily caloric intake.

An ex of mine could eat like a horse (could easily eat 3 times the above in one day) but never put a pound on! Stick. Thin!
Had a heart attack last year. He refused to believe it was due to his diet because he's not fat! Despite the fact that his arteries were clogged 😳

FrozenoutofCostco no sorry, he also had a breakfast and dinner prepared at home - I only mentioned the crap he ate and forgot to give the whole picture. Wrt your ex, I think there are people out there who will never get it - I wonder where exactly he thought all that fat was going? FIL was certainly blaming his heart attack on something else entirely and not his lifestyle!