Am I being ghosted? I'm confused

[TakemebacktoParis]

Hi,

So I've not known this woman for very long, but I would say we are friends. Met through a mutual hobby, although we now tend to just meet for drinks and a chat.

The past couple of times I've tried to arrange a meet up, I get initial silence, then a couple of weeks later an apology "so sorry, what am I like" type message, with a rough idea of when they're free to meet, then I get back with an an actual date suggestion and then... nothing

I just don't get it. I HATE ghosting and I don't believe I've been ghosted myself before, so I'm unsure if this is how it usually starts. Is she giving me signals by going quiet, then vague, then quiet? Is this what ghosting is or is she just being a bit flakey and forgetful?

It would be marvellous for the self confidence! 👍🙄

I know I shouldn't let it get to me so much, but I've been deliberately pro active in making friends recently, as realised that pretty much all my friends are now opposite ends of the country and I'm in the middle 😬 and it's taken quite a lot for me to really get back out there and meet new people.

Just feeling a bit crap tbh.

Not sure whether it's helpful to think of it as ghosting as this is a very upsetting idea and there is no way to know her intentions. However, it's clearly rather thoughtless of her at best. In your shoes, I would probably stop making an effort.

Sorry, OP. It's disappointing when this happens.

Or she could genuinely be very flakey? Either way, you deserve better so I'd leave any future meets up to her and spread the net wider. It's really shitty when this sort of thing happens but it could be that it was the mutual interest that kept the friendship moving along? Good luck.

@happylittletree, it is upsetting and you're right, I know nobody can tell me if this is what's happening, so not sure why I'm posting really

@Billandben444, you're probably right. I should leave it to her now. Just weird though. We genuinely get on well 🤷‍♀️ I thought, anyway.

It really does make you start to question yourself though. I must not be interesting enough etc.

Oh well 🙄

She's flaky. If you want to be friends message and say "are you free on x day at x time?" If she's not, tell her to give you a time and a date. Put the onus onto her.

@girlmom21, that was pretty much my last message.

Could have social aniexty? I'm like this even with very, very old friends I've known for decades. They've got used to my weirdness now thankfully!
Why not ask her?

There could be lots of things going on in her life that mean she intends to get back to you and arrange a date then it goes out of her mind and/or other stuff crops up for her.

It's confusing for you but try not to feel that she's actually treating you badly, as she probably has no intention of doing that.

@GetDrunkWithMe, well if she did I would understand as I have this, but then I actually enjoy socialising once I've relaxed into it iyswim. I can just get very nervous beforehand and overthink things.

She seems very sociable and relaxed. I do have a friend who is rubbish at getting back to me, but then I don't take it personally, because I know she is just a bit flakey and does this with everyone, but this just feels different.

@Nondescriptname, you could be right. I hope so.