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Original poster

Do you think kids always rebel against what sort of environment/parents they grew up with?

23 replies

Puisanceel · 12/10/2021 08:40

Just musing really as was discussing this yesterday with a friend and wondered what others' experiences were. I personally grew up with in a big family with a lot of siblings, house was warm and loving but chaotic, routine all over the shop etc. Whereas I have one child (by choice), our house is still warm and loving (I hope!) but we are pretty routine lead and well organised. I know someone else who was basically raised in a hippy commune off the grid by anarchist parents and now works at one of the highest rungs of the corporate ladder for a company her parents massively disapprove of (think Shell, though it isn't them).

Those are only two examples obviously but I seem to see this a lot as an adult and wondered what others thought!

OP posts:
Original poster
Puisanceel · 12/10/2021 21:46

Just me pondering this then!!!

OP posts:
EishetChayil · 12/10/2021 21:50

I think about this too. It makes me want to be quite "neutral" with DD, while still instilling morals and manners.

We have a strong religious (well, cultural) side to our lives that she may rebel against. We're going to have to tread carefully, i think. Friends at my synagogue with older children have seen them drifting away from it. I guess the key is to give her a good basis and grounding in her culture and heritage, and hope at least some of it sticks!

Rollergirl1980 · 12/10/2021 21:51

I grew up with lots of pets but don't have any now. So I think my DC will probably have lots of pets when they leave home! I haven't got any by choice. Its weird because I did love all of our animals but I really don't get excited at the idea of having any in my home.

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tunainatin · 12/10/2021 21:53

I'm not sure really. I think there is a period of rebellion before you turn into your parents!

BeMoreQueer · 12/10/2021 22:04

One of my friends is the most laid back parent to the point frankly of neglect sometimes. Her kids were home educated in the way daily Mail readers imagine home ed looks like
Her son never had a boundary enforced on him in his life

How could he possibly rebel?

He joined the army

So I think yes, bur it doesn’t usually last if your childhood was happy

Kezzie200 · 12/10/2021 22:05

I think we pick the good and ditch the bad bits so, the more extreme, the more changes you implement.

KitchenKrisis · 12/10/2021 22:12

I don't know, if you give them freedom what is there to rebel agaisnt?

I feel very lucky that one dp was atheist, one Catholic, one was staunch Labour, one a swing voter.

It really have me something freedoms growing up rather than the by product unwitting brain washing some dc sadly get subjected too... We are all born free and equal.

DerAlteMann · 12/10/2021 23:01

I think "rebel" is a bit strong but I agree children generally don't live the lives their parents did.

Animood · 12/10/2021 23:14

I think sometimes you grow up hating something about your situation and think you'll never ever do that as an adult.

I hated the living countryside growing up. Everyone knowing everyone, boredom, claustrophobia, sitting in the car for 30 mins to get to a ticking supermarket. Said I'd never do it and now I live in the centre of a large city. Very happy living here- it's so me.

I don't think it's rebelling as such just thinking "this very much isn't for me".

Tal45 · 13/10/2021 08:32

@tunainatin

I'm not sure really. I think there is a period of rebellion before you turn into your parents!
Agreed!
Hummingbirdcake · 13/10/2021 08:35

Some do, some don’t.

There are lots of families where the kids go on to be similar in values and lifestyle to their parents and they are often the ones who stay in touch, go on multigenerational holidays, use grandparents for childcare etc.

SoupDragon · 13/10/2021 08:39

I don't think it is "always" at all. Probably not even "mostly."

I imagine it's more common at the "extremes" - large or chaotic families and small or strict ones. Most families fall in the middle somewhere so there is very little to rebel against because it's not extreme. You'd change small individual things about how you want to raise your family but it's not really rebelling.

TheUnbearable · 13/10/2021 09:00

I am from a very large family of six and all of us have one or two dc.

I grew up in the countryside and couldn’t wait to move to a city. I lived in London and Birmingham for about 16 years. We now live on the edge of a market town. If I walk for 20 minutes I am in fields and if I drive for 30 mins I’m in a small city. This seems like the ideal location. I couldn’t do arse end of nowhere again.

coffeeisthebest · 13/10/2021 09:02

@BeMoreQueer

One of my friends is the most laid back parent to the point frankly of neglect sometimes. Her kids were home educated in the way daily Mail readers imagine home ed looks like Her son never had a boundary enforced on him in his life

How could he possibly rebel?

He joined the army

So I think yes, bur it doesn’t usually last if your childhood was happy

That is brilliant!
LadyJaye · 13/10/2021 09:08

@BeMoreQueer

One of my friends is the most laid back parent to the point frankly of neglect sometimes. Her kids were home educated in the way daily Mail readers imagine home ed looks like Her son never had a boundary enforced on him in his life

How could he possibly rebel?

He joined the army

So I think yes, bur it doesn’t usually last if your childhood was happy

I wen to school with a guy who grew up in a family like this, and went on to join the police - I believe he's quite senior now. Grin
aSofaNearYou · 13/10/2021 09:08

I think it happens often, but not always. I don't feel I've rebelled against my parents upbringing that much, for example.

DFOD · 13/10/2021 09:10

@Puisanceel

Just musing really as was discussing this yesterday with a friend and wondered what others' experiences were. I personally grew up with in a big family with a lot of siblings, house was warm and loving but chaotic, routine all over the shop etc. Whereas I have one child (by choice), our house is still warm and loving (I hope!) but we are pretty routine lead and well organised. I know someone else who was basically raised in a hippy commune off the grid by anarchist parents and now works at one of the highest rungs of the corporate ladder for a company her parents massively disapprove of (think Shell, though it isn't them).

Those are only two examples obviously but I seem to see this a lot as an adult and wondered what others thought!

I grew up in a large chaotic family - my sister had an only by choice - he is adamant that he is going to have 6 kids!

I have 4 - I tempered the chaos to “ busy, productive, vaguely organised” - mine might join a monastery!

oneglassandpuzzled · 13/10/2021 09:11

I have a couple of very liberal friends. Both of them have sons who've joined the army. I think it's nature's way of balancing things out because my friend who's a brigadier has a daughter involved at a high level in a very woke charity. I have an arty/creative precarious career doing something many people want to do (until they find out the realities). My own children have chosen medicine and law.

leavesthataregreen · 13/10/2021 09:13

Yes in a way. I find it funny that DH and I are well-matched because I grew up in a chaotic family and try (but fail) to keep an orderly house. He grew up in a super tidy over-organised house and likes the clutter and mayhem that I try to keep under control!

piglet81 · 13/10/2021 09:18

I can see elements of this in my family. My parents both grew up moving all over the place before going to boarding schools (military/diplomatic families), and they were adamant that we would have a settled home life and not have to move schools. We had quite a strict upbringing and I tend to take a more relaxed approach (my mother is horrified at some of the behaviour I let slide), but dc is still young so who knows what I’ll be like come the teenage years…

NoYOUbekind · 13/10/2021 09:27

Not just you OP, we were talking about this at the weekend!

I think some, not all, young people 'make' themselves through opposition. So they'll bounce against any boundary or situation and then go to the opposite side. I have a very hippy, artsy crowd of friends and most of their DCs want to be doctors, lawyers, etc - though to be fair, I think the expectation to go onto higher education and the way higher education has changed probably has as much to do with this as their parents. No-one's forking out for fine arts degrees these days, unless they're loaded.

I also - perhaps controversially- think that some of the extremes of 'wokery' we're seeing now is down to children who've been nothing but affirmed every step of their lives. They're actually creating false dichotomies to rebel against because their 'right on' lives have been created around their every need and desire. So you see young white privileged women blaming older women for all society's ills, rather than actually opening their eyes, looking at the big bad world and making change.

*wokery and right on are both words I hate, using for shorthand.

purpledagger · 13/10/2021 10:18

I can see that being the case for extremities. I come from a very average family and my children are having a similar upbringing. By that I mean our house is clean and tidy, but certainly not a show home etc. It's just very average.

MatildaIThink · 13/10/2021 10:22

Some do, some do not, some push back but don't go all out. People are different, some children are like their parents, others are not, some share similar views, others do not. There is no hard and fast rule.

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