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Original poster

Are you friends with your boss?

26 replies

SheikhLaBootie · 12/10/2021 05:30

Interesting text exchange with a colleague recently. I was complaining about our boss and she stopped me and said she didn't want to hear it as the boss is her friend.

For a number of reasons I don't think this is true but my colleague is a sweetheart so I won't be telling her what I know. Our boss is fine but she owns the company and her first and foremost priority is, understandably, the business and making money. She talks a good talk about us being a great 'team' but this doesn't translate in pay (no pay rises for many years) and not enormous amounts of flexibility - well certainly not without at least one guilt trip and a reasonable amount of huffing and puffing.

So this got me thinking and I don't think I have ever been friends with my boss. Always got on absolutely fine with them but at the end of the day, as with my current job, when I leave I know I won't see them again. An ex-colleague is one of my best friends but bosses, no. Just wondered what everyone else's experience is?

OP posts:

FindingMeno · 12/10/2021 05:31

Hell no.

Shelddd · 12/10/2021 05:34

I have in the past but its only been with a boss who wasn't really that invested in the company.

Working for small businesses where owner is active in business and determining your pay is always challenging when fighting for pay raises. They always look at it as their money and not the businesses money, and like you're taking money from them personally.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 12/10/2021 05:41

Hell no , he'll have me out if he could . He can't mould me into one of his "yes" people and he can't stand it
Thankfully I know my rights at work and he has bosses above him and he knows when pushed I'll go to them

InTheNightWeWillWish · 12/10/2021 05:41

I have in the past but when I started I was under someone else and became friendly with that person as colleagues. There was a reshuffle and I then reported to them. Stayed in touch after I left.

Siepie · 12/10/2021 05:49

I’m good friends with my direct manager. We’ve met up socially, babysat for each other, etc.

But she doesn’t have a say in how much I get paid, and wouldn’t make the final decision on things like promotions. That would involve people much higher up. It’s quite different to being friends with a business owner.

Heatherjayne1972 · 12/10/2021 06:14

No
There’s a difference between being friendly and being friends
Friendly yes polite respectful professional yes
Friends no way

I think the difference is if you left the job would you keep in touch or go out together
Etc. Or would you never see them again

Fdksyihfd · 12/10/2021 06:18

Friendly but not friends; I think they need to be a bit separate to be honest otherwise it’s harder on both sides. I had a friend who became a manager (not mine but within our team) and it changed the dynamics of our friendship.
I also had a work friend who was genuinely close friends with our boss outside work although they didn’t shout about it at work and it made it very awkward for her when people would moan about the boss

ThankYouStavros · 12/10/2021 06:22

I am, yes.

SpangoDweller · 12/10/2021 06:22

Superficially yes, as we would meet for walks and coffee during lockdown and spend as long talking about non-work stuff as we did about work matters, and we’d have a good laugh on nights out. But the work relationship is always in the back of my mind.

In the situation you described I’d be very cautious of complaining over text. Your colleague may have thought similar and just wanted to stop you.

onelittlefrog · 12/10/2021 06:23

@InTheNightWeWillWish

I have in the past but when I started I was under someone else and became friendly with that person as colleagues. There was a reshuffle and I then reported to them. Stayed in touch after I left.

I have this situation too in reverse (promoted to become the manager of my friend).

It is a tricky situation to navigate and tbh I would always try to limit having actual friendships with people above or below me at work.

It just makes things a little bit complicated and can cause issues.

FireworkParrot · 12/10/2021 08:02

I'm similar to this. I'm very friendly with my boss.....have been to her house for drinks, been out socially for meals at the weekend, buy each other birthday presents etc but at the end of the day she has control over my pay and my working conditions so that friendship can only go so far. It helps to be friendly of course and I genuinely really like her but I think it's important to remember that there is a power dynamic and not get overly close.

Original poster

SheikhLaBootie · 12/10/2021 08:14

Yeah, I know now where the line is with complaining to lovely colleague! We get on very well so I'm not worried about her speaking to my boss about me. I also don't really care!
I don't think lovely colleague would ever socialise with boss outside of work, I think she just likes her personally. I like boss personally but I'm older and a bit more cynical than lovely colleague and although the job is good, Boss takes advantage of the good will of colleagues in my opinion which I don't like.

OP posts:

NotMineToTell · 12/10/2021 08:24

Not my present one, she's a trainwreck but I have been friends with bosses in the past but we were colleagues/friends before they were promoted into management and didn't show any favouritism to me so it was fine. I also didn't tell them what others said about them.

EishetChayil · 12/10/2021 08:37

No. It's an absolute recipe for disaster.

edwinbear · 12/10/2021 08:50

No, not at all. I like and respect my boss very much, he is smart, kind and considerate. Obviously there is the usual office small talk, we are all open about what is going on in our lives outside of work, there are team drinks and we met up and enjoyed a SD walk when guidelines allowed, but we're not friends. Which is as I like it.

Lyricallie · 12/10/2021 09:12

Kind of, when I started we were in similar roles and I moved into her team and she supervised my day to day work as a development opportunity for her but we both officially reported to the same boss above. Then she swapped teams and we stayed friends and now we still regularly see each other even though we both left the company a good few years ago.

MinnieMountain · 12/10/2021 10:46

No.

She’s a very good TL, friendly, takes the time to check on us even when she’s manic, took me out for lunch when I was off sick recovering from an operation. I’d never expect to be friends though.

Polmuggle · 12/10/2021 11:57

Yes! We socialise though it's around work. I think I'd see her again if I left.

Am still friends with one old boss and dated the other! Am also friends with most of my old team, but more careful about boundaries with my new team so wouldn't say I'm their friends.

Ellarain · 12/10/2021 12:23

Bit of a reverse as I'm the boss. I am very good friends with my secretary. We go for walks, buy birthday presents , go for dinner and drinks together with our husbands,text in the evening and weekends. I have met some of her close family members at family events I have been invited too. We genuinely get on really well. It helps though that she is great at her job too.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/10/2021 12:29

No.

But I also think you’re making a huge mistake complaining to any colleague about anybody else via text. You never know what’s down the line and how what you’ve written can land in the wrong hands and be used against you

mobear · 12/10/2021 12:30

Yes, but he's now my DP.

Trisolaris · 12/10/2021 12:34

No, always had great relationships with my managers but professional ones where I have felt I can ask for pay rises when justified and they can give me honest feedback about my work. We’ve also discussed family, health, life etc and done team meals but I like the boundaries.

fluoropostit · 12/10/2021 12:40

Never while they are my boss, but get on brilliantly and stay in touch with them and are almost always friends afterwards. Also had it the other way round with direct reports, it can be lonely being a manager but important not to take advantage of those working for you as it’s a bit of a misuse of the power dynamic. I mean they can’t really disagree with you properly, can they?

Original poster

SheikhLaBootie · 12/10/2021 18:19

@ShirleyPhallus - possibly but nothing I have written is untrue and in someways I wish I/someone had the guts to tell the boss some of the stuff I have written! I would be very surprised if colleague did anything with them, she's too nice. I also know something the boss has done/not done to lovely colleague which I would be extremely happy to share should I need to. This all sounds WAY more exciting than it is btw! Lovely colleague has complained about a former colleague to me via text but not about the boss. Bah, it's all just annoying work stuff. I'm sure nothing will come of it but as I said earlier I now know that lovely colleague is not the person to complain to about boss (and I wouldn't to anyone else at work either).

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 12/10/2021 22:54

I used to lodge with one of my bosses. We kept work and home life separate but she's a great boss. I'd say that I've got work friends and I'd probably keep in touch with them if I left but they're not friends friends if you know what I mean.

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