To wonder if I'll ever feel like I'm not a bad mother

[Bllueblazerblack]

I am mum to an amazing five month old yet I just can't shake the feeling that I'm a bad mother. She is amazing, she's happy and really laid back. She sleeps from 8 till 8 and only cries if she wants a bottle/sleep or changing.

I had a particularly awful childhood and I'm so scared of becoming like that. It doesn't help that I was seriously ill after having her (emergency cs) plus she was three weeks early. The illness was life threatening at points and I didn't see her for 3.5 weeks due to being in hospital and recovering from emergency surgery.

I also have a disability and the house is a mess. My DP is amazing, he works full time and is working on a renovation project. My disability leaves me in pain and exhausted hence why the house is a mess.

Today, I took her swimming and to a story time session (she had a nap inbetween) and we've been round the park and played together. She also has a couple of other groups through the week. I know if I read this by someone else I'd say they were doing enough but I can't get over this feeling that I'm doing a bad job.

I also feel really isolated, I've started going to baby groups but some of the mums just unfriendly. I've tried saying hello and trying to be chatty but I get the cold shoulder. Any advice?

Thank you.

Oh bless you OP. I want to give you a hug! ❤️Honestly, you sound like a really lovely Mum. I can sympathise about the baby groups as they can be cliquey but try different ones until you find your fit. My DD is 12 now but I still have friends that I met when she was little.
Have you considered counselling to deal with your feelings from your childhood? And it may be that you have PND. I would have a chat with your health visitor & maybe see your GP too. Wishing you all the best OP 💐💐💐

Sounds like you're doing just fine.

My children are now in their 20s but when they were young, I so wanted to be a good mother, but I wasn't sure that I was - especially after the first was born. I often felt guilty - guilty about going back to work when she was 5 months, guilty for not having joined the NCT so I didn't know lots of people with similar age children, guilty for living so far away from the rest of my family that she couldn't see her grandparents/aunts/cousins frequently, guilty for not doing enough activities with her.

I was so relieved when someone told me about the concept of being 'good enough'. I concluded that I was a good enough mother and that really helped.

Good luck with the mother and baby groups. It can be hard sometimes to break in, especially where there are established groups.

Thank you both. I'm hoping it's not PND. I've lost three very close family members as well recently so I think that's adding to my anxiety. I was rather anxious after she was born but I'm now worrying about her dying in her sleep. We follow safe sleeping guidelines but I still have this fear.

When my eldest was little, she used to lie so still when she napped during the day that I used to poke her to assure myself she was still alive.

I hadn't had three close family members die recently, so I think it's perfectly understandable that you are anxious.

If you are worried that it is anxiety, rather than just being anxious, or PND, I'd discuss it with your health visitor or GP.

Definitely try a different baby group, you'll find your people! I only found mine on about the third/fourth one!

To me, how you feel is completely normal. I think we all think we're doing badly from time to time and going through what you have/are will always add to it.