Helped a suicidal woman yesterday.

[Notgettingbetter]

My mental health is really bad at the moment. I have a four year old DD. She's at school now. I am not coping. I feel a little better when I'm not with her but then as soon as she's back I struggle. I find all the little struggles unbearable - trying to get her to have a bath, trying to get her to eat something halfway healthy, trying to find the enthusiasm to play with her... I love her more than anything but I feel like being her mother has utterly drained me. My partner, her dad, is great and does more than his fair share lately.

I'm taking venlafaxine and soon I'll be taking mirtazapine too. I see a counsellor once a week and a mental health team are keeping an eye on me. I've seen very little improvement and I've been unwell since April.

Yesterday I found myself looking after a suicidal woman on a bridge. Called the emergency services, stayed with her for more than hour before they had somewhere they could take her. Soon after I got home I sprained my back.

It's all too much. I keep thinking I should just leave... Go and stay in a hotel by myself for a few days or something. I am so utterly depleted. But, even if I could ignore the guilt, I don't think I have the energy or brain power to sort it out anyway.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad congratulations on saving a life! You are a hero. I remember someone very special to me saying this too shall pass. Sometimes you just have to cling on to the good bits.

Well done, you! You are a complete hero.

Take care of yourself - you may be having a delayed reaction to the events of yesterday.

You should be so proud of yourself.

Thank you both so much. I'm glad I stopped and helped her but somehow I don't feel anything good about it. I just feel terribly sorry for the poor woman. She was so very distressed. And I feel miserable about the state of the NHS.

Has the medication helped you in any way? When is your new medication due to start? If it's not working ask the gps to change it, there are lots of different types out there. It is trial & error but don't stick to one if it's not working.

You need to rest and switch off even if it's for a couple of days, is there someone who can look after your daughter for a couple of days and ask your partner to take you away for a change of scenery?

Sorry for lots of questions, it sounds like you want/need someone to look after you and when you're really struggling people don't always know what you want or need or what to say. Sometimes you have to be blunt and say what you need, I've learnt that the hard way. I sometimes have to tell my DH he's overwhelming me with too many questions when I don't feel right and ask him to make a decision because I don't have the brain power to make a simple choice.

You were amazing to save someone, you've made a massive difference to their and their loved ones lives.

Really hope you get the right support and feel better soon

You did a really helpful and kind thing yesterday by staying and helping this woman and in time you will realize how much you helped her. Please try to acknowledge that what you did was so kind and you did it without thinking about yourself. Not in a great place myself so do know what you are going through. Your daughter loves you and you sound like such a good mother and you have a loving partner. If you ever feel that low please ring somebody just to talk. Things will get better I promise. Make sure you try to get out every day even for a little walk or sit in the garden if it is dry as it does help. Sorry to hear things are so hard but please look after yourself and we all do care on here even if you do not know us. Sending you a big hug and do know how you are feeling xx

I think that supporting someone else through a crisis situation is very emotionally draining. You may feel better about it after more time has passed. Maybe you overidentified with how she is feeling and so it’s stirred things up for you. It is an great thing to have done for her though.

The combination of mirtazepine and venlafaxine can be really effective for some people. The 2 antidepressants seem to really boost each other. So hopefully this will make a difference soon.

Looking after a 4 year old is difficult even if you are feeling well. Yes children are wonderful - but at that age they take so much of you. I remember playing with my dc when they were young. Sometimes I enjoyed it but often it was hard work

Hey OP you did a brave thing yesterday and you may feel numb about it because it cost you more energy than you have. It could also have been more difficult/taxing than for someone who has good mental health because you know what it's like to want to be in that bridge..or close to that feeling.

The idea of going away for a few days might not be bad. In a similar situation to you I've done it. I would think it through first though. What I mean by that is you will be away by yourself, which is the point 😉, but having your family around may also be a sort of security net. Being alone can be resting, but it can also feel exceedingly lonely. So, maybe best to start with one night away and have a plan of things to do ahead of time. A museum, cinema, where you'll eat dinner (room service, hotel restaurant, outside hotel - and make a reservation) - basically all things you can do but can also cancel if you're really just feeling like sleeping!

I'd also recommend staying in a hotel not too far from home, so if you start feeling bad you know you can easily return, but don't have to either.

It's all about small steps and options.

I can say that I've had times in hotels when I've wanted to jump out the window does (they're always secured so that's not possible) but at the same time, the relief of not being asked questions by anybody, or having to do anything for anybody, or feeling I should be doing something else, has been wonderful. All those things turn in again soon after returning home, but just the memory of the break can be really helpful.

You're not alone feeling like this and you're not wrong for wanting a break. Just take it slowly and carefully so you can actually feel relaxed.

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate the replies. I am a bit better than I was back in the spring - I was crying all the time and everything felt very bleak. The Venlafaxine is helping a little but not much so that's why the mental health team want to add Mirtazapine. I'm a little concerned because I know it can make you drowsy and sleepy and I'm already sleeping loads, but I'm willing to give it a try.

There's no one who could mind our daughter unfortunately. Besides, she's a terrible sleeper.

I'm doing everything I can to get better but not seeing much progress. I hope to start doing some more walks soon (really helped last time I was depressed). I'm seeing my counsellor tomorrow so I will talk to her about the woman I helped. I suppose part of the reason I don't feel anything positive about it is because I don't feel anything good anyway - I can't find pleasure or enjoyment in anything. I've been depressed before but I've never been so utterly without anything positive... I've even lost my appetite - that's very unusual for me!

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this, @Notgettingbetter.

If walks make you feel better, can you schedule them more often? How about being outside? Gardening, sitting in the garden for coffee?

I'm glad you have a supportive dh. And I hope the change of meds works well too.

There is such a lot of bad news, from the climate to Covid, that it's no wonder people are feeling depressed. Could you take a break from the news?

I wish you all the best, I really do.

You're amazing OP. All you've got going on and you dropped everything to help a stranger in need. Think about that for a second x

God I’m feeling exactly the same OP it’s so hard isn’t it. I have a 3 year old he is amazing but I can’t cope with anything. I count down until 7pm so I can stay in bed all evening and miss him so much when he is at nursery but as soon as I collect him at midday I find everything so overwhelming :(
I hope we can both get through this. I am on 45mg of mitazipine it helps me sleep but I’ve not seen any other improvements, am waiting for a ADHD assessment on 28 October too.
Good luck x

I forgot to say the most important thing I wanted
To say!! Well done for yesterday OP it was a lovely thing you have done and have helped a whole family of people who would have felt the loss of that girl x

Thank you so much everyone - you're all really kind 💗

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time too RLOU30 - I really hope you feel better soon.

OP - have you tried Sertraline?
I find it really helps me.
I have a seriously disabled (physically especially) DD who is non verbal but bright and determined and disinterested in almost any games or toys.
I have to take her out for walks in her wheelchair to get her tired and even with medication can’t get her to sleep.
She started school recently and I thought I’d get my life back a bit but she’s been sooo sick she’s only done one full week.
I’m mentally and physically drained from it all.
I’d go away but I couldn’t relax.
But Sertraline has helped me feel normal most of the time without being very sleepy or spaced out (citalopram does that to me).
You need to do things for you when your DC is away from you - whatever that is.
Go for a walk. Meet a friend. Go to an art gallery. Read a book. Take your clothes off and dance with headphones on… whatever makes you feel more you and less mum.
Good luck OP

Thank you Blue4YOU.

I took sertraline for a few years until this current low started. Several increases in dose but it just wasn't working for me any more unfortunately. I'm glad it helps you. You sound like an amazing mum ❤️

I just wanted to say- I saved someone’s life with moments to spare and had a delayed shock reaction after for about a year- thinking if I had nor gone right then that person would be dead. So, be gentle on yourself and expect some kind of shock reaction. Remember even though you are not well, your actions changed somebody’s life forever. She will never forget you, or what you did. In her darkest days she will think about the moment someone saved her life.