We thought you would be busy/ didn’t want to disturb you nonsense!

[Peanutbutterrules1]

Does anyone else’s parents drive them crazy with this stuff? Mine constantly complain about not talking to or seeing me yet make zero effort! They are retired and have plenty of free time. I work full time and have kids yet unless I dedicate time to regularly organise social activities with them they seem to think I hate them!!!!

I have bluntly told them that I like seeing them and want to do stuff but don’t have time to organise it. They still can’t seem to cope with it. All calling and organising seems to be my job for some unknown reason! If I ask them why they don’t call or suggest activities I get “we don’t want to disturb you or we thought you might be busy “! It’s odd! They seem to be so worried about the possibility of rejection they won’t even initiate contact.

I have got to the point now where I refuse to do it anymore. This means I haven’t seen them in ages.

I suspect they are not as bothered as they make out about meeting up. They just like a moan!

@2bazookas I would love it if they called and said we would love you to come over to lunch. The point is they don’t! They say things like “I wanted to ask you over for lunch last week but thought you would be too busy “!!!!’ In their mind I have to call them and then suggest we do something or it doesn’t happen. This not about me saying i am too busy to do stuff. I am just too busy to always initiate and don’t always want to be the one who initiate.

I agree with the not wanting to be intrusive. My DM used to call at 6pm every night, in spite of me telling her it was never convenient (feeding the DC).

I usually send a text to my adult DC saying "Is it a good time to call now?"

However if they call us, we try to be very available to talk in case it is particularly important, for example I will stop eating my meal or watching a tv programme.

My parents are like this too. They always say "but you're so good at organising darling!" . But I've pulled back from the social secretary role in my wider family, I have 2 kids and a full on full time job as well as my own life so they days of booking, planning and liaising are done. It is a shame as no one else can be arsed to do it, it means we hardly ever see each other.

I retired at the tender age of 50 due to ill health. Most of my friends are between about 42 and 60 and all bar one who is 59 and accepted a rather glorious redundancy package last year are still working.

I really don’t want to bother them, many still have school age dc from primary to secondary. I always say I have all the time in the world but you don’t so I will fit in with you. I remember the relentless grind of commuting and kids and all the social stuff that was really expected in my last workplace.

I did msg a friend today who said she would msg me but she forgot and turns out she is having menopausal brain fog. Turned up with a picnic for us to share in her lunch hour.

I think you need to speak to them and tell them to ring you to initiate just be honest.

@Peanutbutterrules1 my mum does this, my dad has never called me, ever. My mum expects me to call, I have asked her to call me too. I call once a week, & in between I gets texts from her asking 'what are you up to?', which I don't answer.

I can beat that OP.

I do all the running, then my mum follows up with an endless stream of "You don't have to come" type pre emptive strikes before the event itself, demanding constant reassurance that we are coming.

Even worse since the pandemic with changing rules obviously. Then taken to level 1000 recently when rare circumstances meant we did have to cancel, then on another occasion my husband couldn't join me.

I actually flake out (with good reasons) quite often on my in laws side - usually I have a plan already and happily send him alone, but they don't agonise about it.

Mine do this sometimes! "We haven't spoken all week", when I've called a few times when they've been out and they've just decided not to call back? Like I should just keep trying?

Currently my mother wants to do an activity with me and another relative. She rang me to ask me to coordinate dates with the other person, and then email her with some suggestions. Er, it's you that wants to do this activity, and you have nowt to do most of the week - how did I get that job? I actually (unusually) said no and politely suggested that she could suggest some dates to both of us and haven't heard anything since.

Well done @foxglovesummers why do the tasks get passed on!

I get a similar vibe @thecatsthecats although mine are not as bad. My parents have got so sensitive and do need a lot of attention! They even seemed to treat us not seeing them in lockdown as a personal slight!