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Original poster

Does this sound like a date or two people at a lose end?

25 replies

TrainforSpeed · 10/10/2021 20:06

I'm a newish widow. A man I've know as part of a wider group for years has recently split from a long term girlfriend.

We share an interest in a particular sport, although follow different teams. My team is offering free tickets for guests next weekend. I offered them to a handful of mutual friends, but only this one man was able to come. That's fine and good. He's a nice man and good company, he can join the group of friends I usually meet at the game.

He's suggested we go fo a beer/curry afterwards.

Now, since DH died it's Friday/Saturday nights that are hardest to fill, all my friends are busy with partners. I'm not looking for a new partner and I don't want to give this man the wrong idea, but I'm happy to go as friends and I'm sure it will be a fun evening.

Would you go?

OP posts:
Original poster
TrainforSpeed · 10/10/2021 20:06

Loose end!

OP posts:
Palavah · 10/10/2021 20:07

Yes. It doesn't need to be anything more than it is.

prisscalledwanda · 10/10/2021 20:08

So sorry for your loss. I would definitely go. I hope you have a great time.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/10/2021 20:10

Personally, the sport event with a group of friends yes, meal afterwards, no.

PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 10/10/2021 20:11

What do you think about him, OP?

Someone you'd be happy to get to know on a deeper level?

If so - curry etc, fantastic,

If not - suggest you go to event then head home:

He's obviously happy to spend time in your company.

I'm very sorry for your loss as well ❤️

ArranMumma · 10/10/2021 20:13

Yeah deffo go for a meal! If you don’t fancy him then just don’t flirt with him! You can still go and have a nice time :) I’m sure he’s capable of going for dinner with a woman without having any expectations.

LawnFever · 10/10/2021 20:15

I think it’s two people who have a shared sporting interest and will be at a loose end for dinner afterwards, play it by ear but I’d go.

Or - could you see if any of the friends you’ll see at the game might fancy a curry too and make it more of a group outing instead?

Etinox · 10/10/2021 20:17

Did you post about this before?
I’m sorry for your loss. Flowers

Original poster
TrainforSpeed · 10/10/2021 20:18

@Etinox

Did you post about this before? I’m sorry for your loss. Flowers
No, I posted about an old flame who'd been in touch, but this isn't him
OP posts:
WormYourHonour · 10/10/2021 20:28

Is this you op?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4354485-To-think-this-is-a-date

Original poster
TrainforSpeed · 10/10/2021 20:31

@PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside

What do you think about him, OP?

Someone you'd be happy to get to know on a deeper level?

If so - curry etc, fantastic,

If not - suggest you go to event then head home:

He's obviously happy to spend time in your company.

I'm very sorry for your loss as well ❤️

If I was looking for a date he'd probably be a possibility. He's good company, kind and is reminiscent of a middle aged George Michael to look at although I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be gay either

However, it's far too soon for me to be thinking like that, as it is for him too, frankly.

OP posts:
Bounce55 · 10/10/2021 20:35

Just don't be careless with your whispers and all should be ok

KitBumbleB · 10/10/2021 20:35

Sounds like a friendly invite and catch up over dinner to me rather than a date

I would go and enjoy the company and have a laugh, could be the start of a good friendship

Original poster
TrainforSpeed · 10/10/2021 20:37

[quote WormYourHonour]Is this you op?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4354485-To-think-this-is-a-date[/quote]
Yes, but another different man. We did go on that trip and it was absolutely fine. He's been a good friend for a very long time and still happily married.

This man is more of an acquaintance.

I know a lot of people through sport and a lot of them are men. I do have female friends too, honestly, but they don't tend to be interested in sport and they're often not available on weekend evenings.

OP posts:
ChickenTimeBomb · 10/10/2021 20:48

I'd kind of assume that he was asking you for a meal as you are giving him free tickets to the sporting event. Unless there's been indications otherwise

Original poster
TrainforSpeed · 10/10/2021 21:05

@ChickenTimeBomb

I'd kind of assume that he was asking you for a meal as you are giving him free tickets to the sporting event. Unless there's been indications otherwise
Hmm. I don't think he's planning to pay. He has said he'll drive.
OP posts:
solarsky · 10/10/2021 21:16

Perhaps he wouldn't of gone if he wasn't now single so there could be some interest from his side especially as he's asking to go for dinner afterwards, it's in your control if you want to just remain friends just tell him straight if you feel he wants more.

Daisy4569 · 10/10/2021 21:34

I’d go. Sounds like he might just be happy to have some company too. If you pick up on any vibes you can just drop into conversation that you’re glad to have another friend to do things with etc and put him off. Worst case scenario it might be slightly awkward for a few minutes, best case scenario you have a lovely meal and a new friend to socialise with :)

HalzTangz · 10/10/2021 22:10

When I'm out with friends (male or female) we always go for a drink and food after events to finish the night off. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that.

You can always say I'm happy for meal as friends but I'm not looking for anything other than friendship.

He's just split from someone, chances are he's likely you, stuck in at weekends and lonely.

Enjoy the game and the curry

Yellowhighheels · 10/10/2021 23:26

I don't think he's got expectations it's a date. A curry and beer is quite an informal and friendly thing after a sports match, if he'd asked you somewhere fancy for cocktails that might be different.

I see you've had a similarish thread so it seems you're a bit concerned about men's expectations at this stage when you're not looking for someone new. Just know that even if it does start looking like he's keen, you're totally in control, accepting an invitation from a male friend doesn't mean that you've tacitly agreed to a date- not if they haven't said that's what it is. Just mention you're only really looking for friendship at the moment and it'll be fine.

SnowyPetals · 10/10/2021 23:41

I would go. It's a good time in your life to try something different, and a platonic activity on a weekend evening could become a new part of your life. If you start to feel he does view it as a date, then you have a very credible and easy to understand reason to tell him that's not the case - it is too soon after your husband's passing for you to consider a relationship.

makelovenotpetrol · 11/10/2021 03:27

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

I would go. My thoughts are that if this man knows that you have been recently bereaved, he is very unlikely to make a move on you; it wouldn't be kind of someone to assume that a recently widowed woman would want to date someone new so soon after she has lost her DH.

It may be that he could imagine being with you in future, and you've also said that if you did want to date he would maybe be a possibility, so I think it's ok for you both to be thinking like that. But I would say that it's a nice offer of some companionship after going to a shared interest event. If you sense anything at the event prior to the meal that might suggest he has other ideas, then you could make your excuses and go home instead of for the meal.

Original poster
TrainforSpeed · 11/10/2021 08:25

@HalzTangz

When I'm out with friends (male or female) we always go for a drink and food after events to finish the night off. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that.

You can always say I'm happy for meal as friends but I'm not looking for anything other than friendship.

He's just split from someone, chances are he's likely you, stuck in at weekends and lonely.

Enjoy the game and the curry

Yes, this will be the 4th man I've spent an evening/day with 121 since DH died. They've all been absolutely fine, but I do worry how it looks, which I realise is ridiculous .
OP posts:
Original poster
TrainforSpeed · 11/10/2021 08:31

I'm also a bit concerned that all the single people I know are men. Single men seem to be gravitating towards me, but not single women.

OP posts:
Palavah · 11/10/2021 11:42

It might be the nature of the activities you do. Whenever I've done activities where you can just turn up by yourself (meetup hikes, for example, or a book group or choir or whatever) women are over represented.

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