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Original poster

Is it okay to not have kids

20 replies

novembeer · 10/10/2021 16:51

I just want to know is it okey to not have kids.

I'm 38 no kids I wonder sometimes how ppl survive without kids. I got problem with my ovaries so I cannot get pregnant naturally. It's been so long now I don't know if I even want kids or not sometimes I feel I do and some times I m ok.

How do ppl survive and what they do not having kids. No one to call when u old or no one to look fwd to or no one who you can tell it's urs. How does it feel and does it get lonely. I'm Indian we mostly parents live with there kids when they get old. How does old age works out who take cares or you or whom u give ur wealth too ..

Just so many questions I don't even know if I m thinking straight. I hope if anyone on Mumsnet can enlighten me. Thanks

OP posts:

squashyhat · 10/10/2021 16:59

Of course it's OK. It's absolutely down to personal choice. I made that choice when I was 10 and 50 years on have never regretted it. You deal with what you have got when you get old - there is no guarantee any children will want to 'look after' you anyway (and indeed they shouldn't have to). And as for who to leave money to - anyone you like!

PS you have made an odd choice of topic for this thread. Maybe ask Mumsnet HQ to move it to chat or parenting

Original poster

novembeer · 10/10/2021 18:33

'bump'

OP posts:

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 10/10/2021 18:34

Of course it is.
Nobody should have a child unless they really want one. It's not fair on them and it's sure as shit not fair on the child!

There are more than enough people in the world. We could do with more people deciding children aren't for them tbh!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 10/10/2021 18:37

Oh, your other questions. You work and provide for your old age, a retirement/nursing home or carers.
If you have money to leave, consider young relatives just starting out in life or your favourite charities.
As for people in your life - that's what friends are for. A good social circle, hobbies etc

Beebopawhop · 10/10/2021 18:38

it is def ok!!!!

Orangejuicemarathoner · 10/10/2021 18:40

well, having kids is no guarantee that they will be there for you in later life. Think of all the horrible people you know, or have heard of, they are all someone's kid! You could have a kid who is a horrible person. Or a kid who is dependent on you for life.

It is much better to have no children than to have unwanted children too

Roselilly36 · 10/10/2021 18:41

Definitely ok not to have children, if that is what you want. For me, having my children has made my life complete but it’s not the right choice for everyone.

Chunkymenrock · 10/10/2021 18:44

It's absolutely fine and actually a very good thing not to have children. The planet has been damaged almost irreversibly by humans and the future climate is going to be hugely problematic. Bringing children into that is madness. We need more people to decide not to have children, we're massively overpopulated. I think a wonderful alternative idea is to sponsor a child in need, for their whole life. A scheme where its possible to write letters, send photos etc. How special that would be?! You are far more than your ovaries and uterus OP. You are complete, just as you are.

Libertaire · 10/10/2021 18:47

Of course it’s ok not to have children. I never wanted to be a parent and I have absolutely no regrets. Worrying about old age is the worst possible reason to have children.

AssassinatedBeauty · 10/10/2021 18:48

Not having children is a valid life choice, obviously totally up to each person and their circumstances.

You seem to be assuming that you will have no family at all when you are older? You can build strong relationships with other family members from the next generation - nieces/nephews, younger cousins, and so on. You can also do the same with good friends and their families. It's not inevitable that you would be older and have no one that would be there for you.

passionfruitpizza · 10/10/2021 18:59

Of course it is.
I didn't understand before I had them how ridiculously hard and all consuming it is. I now definitely believe it's not for everyone and that a lot of the time people would live happier lives without kids.
I love mine so much but it's a fine line between amazing and absolute hell especially in the early years.
I don't think anyone should expect their kids to take care of them in old age.
If you have anything to leave in death you could leave to family or charity.

Energy4You · 10/10/2021 19:11

Yes it is ok.

But I think you are also right to wonder how things will pan out as you get older, especially if it’s normally expected that your dcs will look after you.
What this means is NOT that you should have IVF/adopt/have a child at any cost. It means planning ahead, keeping ties with other family members, having a network around you with family and friends etc… so that you still have support but in a different way.

Morgan12 · 10/10/2021 19:16

Do whatever you want.

Afonavon · 10/10/2021 20:31

Yes, it is okay (even preferable!) not to have children. Much as I love mine, they have provided me with endless worry. They are not likely to care for me in my dotage.

flumpettyflump · 10/10/2021 20:32

Emphatically yes.

My kids are wonderful and the source of so much joy. But also unimaginable worry and stress.

TopCatsTopHat · 10/10/2021 20:34

I listened to this programme today which gave me some new angles to consider on this topic. You might find it interesting too.
www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b08y0vdd

TheBlackArt · 10/10/2021 20:35

Of course its fine.

Having kids does not guarantee company/care in older age, either.

TurnUpTurnip · 10/10/2021 20:35

Of course it’s ok , I know people that don’t have children my uncle doesn’t have child and never wanted them

Neonplant · 10/10/2021 20:37

Of course it's ok. I'm childfree and wonder how people survive with kids. Seems like a ballache! I suppose that's why I'm childfree though!

RandomMess · 10/10/2021 20:39

Of course it's ok!!!

I have 4 DC it has pros and cons but being a parent is not the be all of life at all on any level and don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you it is.

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