Can you ever forgive a bad childhood?

[Mycrapchildhood]

Just reading the thread about adult children paying rent whilst living at home and it’s brought it all back how crap my childhood and parents were.

I was fed and clothed but that was about it, there was no love or warmth shown, no interest in my education, no interest at all really. Still the same now as an adult. I have a clear memory of my mother standing at the bottom of the stairs screaming about my “rent”. I was 22 in my first job, not paid a great deal of money, huge student debts, a 3 hour commute to work so expensive train fares & she wanted to take money off me. She didn’t charge my 2 brothers rent of course, just me.

How can you ever forgive stuff like that and should you?

@CaddieDawg thank you, it's hard as a couple of people don't get it and just say "but she's your mum". Yes it really puts it into perspective when you're expecting. This is the right choice for me right now, not sure what I'm going to do or say when my child is older and asks about family etc, but that's a bridge I'll have to cross

My mother was very abusive. I don't 'forgive' her but I accept that she was showing as much love & affection as was within her capacity at the time (very little). Importantly, as an adult, I don't believe that she owes me anything now, nor I her. This has taken the sting out of it for me, but it does mean that I've had to effectively 'parent myself' and learn to love myself. Nowadays I choose to stay in touch (at a distance) and slowly we are crafting a better relationship based on the present and future, not on the past.