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Original poster

Is it weird to not want to drink alone? (tw: alcoholic parent)

23 replies

CarnivorousConiferous · 09/10/2021 22:46

My dad was an alcoholic. He got sober when I was 3, but it was always hanging over us.

I'm 29 now and living on my own for the first time (I know that sounds strange- I had flatmates then moved in with a boyfriend, now single). I have had a horrific week at work and opened a bottle of wine on Wednesday... but I've had a glass every night and I know this sounds stupid but I could get used to it and that thought scares me.

Am I totally overreacting? I am prone to that...

OP posts:
CormoranStrike · 09/10/2021 22:48

I think you feel what you feel, and with a family history are understandably cautious.

I don’t drink during the week, as I think it’s v habit forming.

thefirstmrsrochester · 09/10/2021 22:48

A glass of wine every night is so not disordered drinking. You’re fine OP.

Original poster
CarnivorousConiferous · 09/10/2021 22:50

Habit forming is a good way to describe it. I don't want to be in that habit.

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 09/10/2021 22:51

I live alone and also grew up with an alcoholic parent. I drink alone, I did tonight, but the main thing for me is why I do. Tonight I had no plans, I was watching TV, and fancied it. I didn't need it.

I avoid drinking in the week if I am alone, but I don't find an issue with a Saturday beer or some wine on a Sunday.

If you're not comfortable stop, but there isn't anything wrong with a glass of wine on your own.

Northernsoullover · 09/10/2021 22:51

A glass a night especially if small isn't going to harm you but I understand your reticence. I started with a glass a night and over a period of a few years it had crept up to harmful levels.
I stopped completely because I was worried about my health. I have no history of alcoholism in my family but alcohol is addictive. You don't need a familial link to become addicted.
It was difficult initially to go without my crutch but now if I have a crappy day I have a bath..

Comedycook · 09/10/2021 22:51

My late father was also an alcoholic op..although he never gave it up. I don't drink...not quite teetotal, I would have one glass of champagne at a wedding or a cocktail if on holiday for example. I wouldn't drink at home alone though. I would also feel like it's a slippery slope

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 09/10/2021 22:52

It's natural to feel this way given your dad's past history. I lived alone for a good few years (loved it! [grin[) and would rarely have a drink during the week but nearly always had a few drinks on a Saturday night if I was home alone.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/10/2021 22:52

A bottle of wine a night is a problem. A glass is not.......

Original poster
CarnivorousConiferous · 09/10/2021 22:59

Thank you for the understanding. It was such a strange feeling.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 09/10/2021 23:03

You know i think when you have an alcoholic parent, you view alcohol in a very different way to most. My friends, for example, see alcohol as a fun thing. To me, it's not fun...it represents misery.

Original poster
CarnivorousConiferous · 09/10/2021 23:09

Thankfully I have no memories of the hard times, but I definitely grew up with a lot of uneasiness and wariness around alcohol.

I think what threw me off as well was having the entire bottle to myself. Since living on my own, I've only ever bought those cocktail cans and there was such a clear stopping point with those.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 09/10/2021 23:12

Thankfully I have no memories of the hard times, but I definitely grew up with a lot of uneasiness and wariness around alcohol

Yes, you grew up fearing it and your associations with it are negative.

FatBettyintheCoop · 09/10/2021 23:16

My dad was an alcoholic and for that reason, I rarely drink.

Ask yourself, why are you choosing to drink wine and not say, a cup of tea or a glass of fizzy water?

Is it to change how you feel about something?

Feeling slightly drunk won’t change whatever happened at work so you still have to face your fears when you’re stone cold sober.

Some posters will try to normalise regular nightly drinking as just a fun way to unwind, but you and I know exactly where that can lead. Sad

Comedycook · 09/10/2021 23:17

Some posters will try to normalise regular nightly drinking as just a fun way to unwind, but you and I know exactly where that can lead

Yes I agree. I don't think drinking every day should be considered normal

ditalini · 09/10/2021 23:20

Realistically, one glass a night isn't a problem, but every alcoholic started somewhere and you're right to be more cautious when you have a family whisky.

"I fancy it" is a bit of a trigger for me because those are the words my family alcoholic would use to show how he was just having the one because it was a nice treat that he could take or leave (and would inevitably be a belligerent mess a couple of hours and half a hidden-under-the-bath bottle of vodka later).

I've got a pretty messed up relationship with people around me drinking now with my nerves permanently on high alert.

Being mindful is a good thing though. If you feel it's too much for YOU then don't shift your boundaries to suit someone else's definition of too much.

Original poster
CarnivorousConiferous · 09/10/2021 23:20

Yep, to take the edge off.

It was scary how 2 days later I could see it being routine.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2021 23:22

I think,it's interesting that he stopped at 3 but you're whole childhood was affected by it anyway. Was that what he said or did, what your mum said or did, blame, guilt, dry-drinking?

Because no, a glass every night when you think you shouldn't isn't great honestly. You're feelings around it aren't reflected in the amounts but it's still interesting.

BikeRunSki · 09/10/2021 23:22

I get it OP. DM got sober when I was 9. I’m now in my 50s, but I have never drunk alcohol alone, when I’m angry, sad, upset etc or more than 2 nights running without a dry day in between. I rarely drink on weekdays. I don’t want to create a habit or a crutch.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/10/2021 23:22

Ignore the autocorrect you're nonsense. Your.

Original poster
CarnivorousConiferous · 09/10/2021 23:28

I can't put my finger on it tbh. It sounds so silly to say that there was no alcohol in the house, because, well, duh.

OP posts:
Jigsawprison · 09/10/2021 23:35

Not weird, I have a relative who grew up with alcoholic father and has a rule no drinking alone because she's worried it may become a bad habit. She now in her 70s and had this rule for over 50 years. It helps her feel happier about her relationship with alcohol and that can't be a bad thing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2021 08:49

@CarnivorousConiferous

I can't put my finger on it tbh. It sounds so silly to say that there was no alcohol in the house, because, well, duh.
Might be worth unpicking with a counsellor. Because plenty of houses don't have alcohol in them but your house as a child seems to have had an effect.

It might help you see how much is you protecting yourself and how much is sensible precaution.

Hen2018 · 10/10/2021 10:11

I think you’re supposed to have a couple of alcohol free days a week.

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