How did you know whether to have another child

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DH and I have both been married before, together ten years. He has an adult dc who is genuinely just the most lovely dss (has own house/partner etc but regular contact) I have a teenage dd and we have one child together (5). So living in our house is myself, DH and two kids.

I am just 40, DH is 45 and tonight admitted he really wants another baby. I’d previously said I would like another but had resigned myself we wouldn’t due to work commitments. He’s asked me to think about it and pointed out that we aren’t getting any younger.

I’ve just finished a masters and now in very stressful job, long hours and lots of evening work on top of office hours. I do morning school drop offs for DC, lots of home working so am around for tea/bedtime but frequently have to log back in when lo is in bed

DH works in construction so starts early and finishes early to do school runs/after school activities

I enjoyed every stage of my dc and DH is amazing with the kids but the idea of juggling my current job with a baby and going through nursery fees again makes me wonder if it’s a good idea. I took nine months maternity last time and then nursery bills took up 75% of my take home pay until lo got his 30 hours age 3. I don’t know if I’m over thinking it as we’d need a bigger car, holidays would be more experience etc.

How do you know?

That's a tough one because you're trying to weigh real world practical matters against hearts desires. I think in your shoes it would come down to if I could cope, it doesn't sound like there is a lot of 'give' in your logistics.
My choice was much more simple because I'd always wanted 2 dc, dh felt the same and there were no practical issues standing in our way.
Every family is different though, I know a couple where one really wanted to stop at 2dc and the other was keen on a third, so their decision was a long process of discussing all the feelings and considerations until they could come down on one side.
For you, you didn't really say whether you also want another. If it was simple would you be keen?

If we did not have childcare costs it would be a no brainer. I’d love another and I think the dc would all be amazing if we had one more.

The teenager will be needing driving lessons in the next couple of years then off to uni and the childcare costs would just wipe out my income, I think this would be the difference between us being able to fund lessons etc. i don’t think they expect it but I really want to do it

Could the teen get a job and find their driving lessons themselves? Could you get family to give them a block for Xmas and then carry on the lessons yourself? I'm sure it's not so simple but if you'd love another it's it worth digging into making the finances work?

@TopCatsTopHat possibly, we’d definitely find a way it just wouldn’t be as easy.

I think I’d just started to see the light at the end of the (financial) tunnel as lo has now started school. We’ve booked some special days out for the dc and a few holidays for r next year and it’s so nice to be able to do that, it sounds so materialistic to say that makes me sad to think we’d have another few years of not being able to do this for them

That's not materialistic. Not being able to afford fun things is a fact and lets face it when the childhood is gone it's gone and then you can't do the days out etc, or you can but it's not the same. I'm currently in a no days out financial situation and last had a holiday 5 years ago and that was a long weekend in Wales, I wouldn't choose it by choice (hopefully we'll see the light soon too).

From reading your posts, it seems that another baby isn’t probably what you really want. You talk a lot about being financially better off…finally…and doing nice things now, having struggled before. You have said that having a baby would be great but have outweighed it with a lot of positives for not having one. It’s certainly not an easy decision but remember that your financial position can put a huge strain on a relationship and you’re at a time when things are starting to look up. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide!

I have 4. I'd always wanted a big family so for 2 and 3 I don't think anything would have swayed me (although I understand that I am privileged in that my dh earns a good, not mn good, but real life good wage).
No.4 was a surprise, quite quickly after no.3 and it took a lot of soul searching and financial planning to have her. I obviously love her but she wasn't necessary the right choice.

I think if you're in the situation where you are worried about sleepless nights, lack of money, lack of freedom, loosing yourself, then it probably isn't the right decision. And you are absolutely allowed to say no without any guilt.

It's a tough one

Childcare is so expensive but we use a childminder as opposed to a nursery and it's considerably cheaper it's £35 per day instead of £50 and we also use the government vouchers to save a further 20% so in reality it's much better financially.
The childminder also does wraparound for our older school aged child.

We also both compress our hours and do 4 days each and so that saves 2 days a week so we only pay for 3. Is this a possibility? Everyone has the right to request flexible working these days.

These things are never easy tho but I'd say with an already 5 year gap I'd be thinking about this sooner rather than later.