Driving confidence please help

[FutureDriver]

Have had hours and hours of driving lessons , know all the rules etc but seem to have some sort of mental block. While everyone else drives instinctively after a while I see a situation, overthink it and end up doing the wrong thing even though I have done it correctly BEFORE many times! Example - turning right at traffic lights, etc.
I know I can do it because there are some days I'm very relaxed (one day my instructor didn't need to correct me at all!) so I can drive.
Anybody got any tips?
At this point I have learned everything already, further hours of lessons are money down the drain if I'm just going to keep making mistakes for no apparent reason. Instructor is ok, patient and re-explains things many times but my problem isn't a lack of understanding!
Starting to feel discouraged :(
Anyone got any ideas? I've been considering going to see a driving anxiety therapist (or similar)

Some people just take longer for it to become automatic. And everyone occasionally makes mistakes. Although obviously the stakes are pretty high when you’re in charge of a car.

I would just keep practicing until you feel confident.

A driving anxiety therapist if a great idea.

I learnt abroad, so not 100% sure of the learning to drive process in the UK. Can't you just gain extra hours of practice and confidence with your L plates on and a qualified driver in the car? Sounds like just need further practice, until it does become 2nd nature. Surely you don't need to keep paying an instructor for lessons though?

This sounds exactly like me and honesty the only thing that worked for me was perseverance. It took me 18 months, 4 tests and thousands of pounds but I got there in the end.

I watched videos on YouTube, asked friends and family for advice, posted on here, read loads of stuff online. I cried, I tantrummed, I felt hopeless and had a break for a few weeks. Nothing helped i just kept going. I tried propranolol on my tests and eventually on the test I passed I took my instructor in the car with me. I don't even think having him made a difference as I very nearly gave up before I was even out the test centre and was almost in tears as i thought I'd messed up.

I passed my test and got my car and if I'm honest it didn't click and feel natural until after I went out a few times on my own. I felt like I shouldn't be allowed on the road and I was a nervous wreck but everything fell into place eventually and that's when it really started to make sense.

Keep going you will get there.

@Hairyfriend

A driving anxiety therapist if a great idea.

I learnt abroad, so not 100% sure of the learning to drive process in the UK. Can't you just gain extra hours of practice and confidence with your L plates on and a qualified driver in the car? Sounds like just need further practice, until it does become 2nd nature. Surely you don't need to keep paying an instructor for lessons though?

I have one relative willing to take me out but all they do is yell and force me to drive faster - which is the opposite of what I need! People who have a patient parent willing to do it are so lucky

@CiderJolly

Some people just take longer for it to become automatic. And everyone occasionally makes mistakes. Although obviously the stakes are pretty high when you’re in charge of a car.

I would just keep practicing until you feel confident.

Thanks for the encourage but in my opinion there is something deeper ... there is the 'normal' lack of confidence when you start and progress but for me I'm ok one day and shit the next. Overthinking is impacting my ability to learn and hence be confident

@PivotPivotPivottt

This sounds exactly like me and honesty the only thing that worked for me was perseverance. It took me 18 months, 4 tests and thousands of pounds but I got there in the end.

I watched videos on YouTube, asked friends and family for advice, posted on here, read loads of stuff online. I cried, I tantrummed, I felt hopeless and had a break for a few weeks. Nothing helped i just kept going. I tried propranolol on my tests and eventually on the test I passed I took my instructor in the car with me. I don't even think having him made a difference as I very nearly gave up before I was even out the test centre and was almost in tears as i thought I'd messed up.

I passed my test and got my car and if I'm honest it didn't click and feel natural until after I went out a few times on my own. I felt like I shouldn't be allowed on the road and I was a nervous wreck but everything fell into place eventually and that's when it really started to make sense.

Keep going you will get there.

Ohmygod this is so helpful thank you!

Definitely lots of driving practice helps, I had an older (very calm!) relative in the car with me on practice drives and really helped my confidence. (I would avoid a nervous friend or relative, as can have the opposite effect!)

Depends on where you live but going out for practice drives at quiet times also helped, like after midnight when less traffic on the roads ( though this might not be the best now it’s dark early if there’s no / little street lighting)

@Jellyfishnchips

Definitely lots of driving practice helps, I had an older (very calm!) relative in the car with me on practice drives and really helped my confidence. (I would avoid a nervous friend or relative, as can have the opposite effect!)

Depends on where you live but going out for practice drives at quiet times also helped, like after midnight when less traffic on the roads ( though this might not be the best now it’s dark early if there’s no / little street lighting)

Have nobody to take me

*Ohmygod this is so helpful thank you!

Frankly it sounds like you need a different instructor. Not all are equal and for more nervous drivers specialised ones are necessary

I was absolutely getting nowhere with my 1st instructor who only ever criticised and never guided and couldn't understand how to work with me as a pupil, attempted first test under her and was failed for lack of confidence/hesitancy!

My 2nd instructor worked WITH my anxiety and overthinking and within a few weeks with him it "clicked" he took the approach of "making a virtue out of a vice" so instead of vaguely and in an unguided way me overthinking he channeled it into applying it to what I was doing - so eg changing gears he'd explain to me what was going on in the car when I did that and why it was necessary and I was then able to use that information to learn and overthink "mindfully" sort of

Worked a treat! Passed my second test no problem

I have to say I also agree lessons alone is not enough practice you need to be driving as much as possible

My ex used to take me out driving as much as possible, we'd also do things like go to the empty car parks of a weekend on the army base where we lived and practice the manoeuvres too he'd even chalk out "road markings" for me to practice these, we'd use nearby items (cones not being used, bins etc) to place as representing cars I had to park between etc

Helped a lot

There's also an old learning to drive adage :

As a learner you learn to pass the test, once you've passed the test THEN you learn to drive!

It's a shame you have nobody you can do this with - is there really nobody?

Is there not even anyone who would drive you to an unused area you can practice in without them in the car? You only need someone in the car on public roads

[quote PivotPivotPivottt]*Ohmygod this is so helpful thank you!

@Graphista

Frankly it sounds like you need a different instructor. Not all are equal and for more nervous drivers specialised ones are necessary

I was absolutely getting nowhere with my 1st instructor who only ever criticised and never guided and couldn't understand how to work with me as a pupil, attempted first test under her and was failed for lack of confidence/hesitancy!

My 2nd instructor worked WITH my anxiety and overthinking and within a few weeks with him it "clicked" he took the approach of "making a virtue out of a vice" so instead of vaguely and in an unguided way me overthinking he channeled it into applying it to what I was doing - so eg changing gears he'd explain to me what was going on in the car when I did that and why it was necessary and I was then able to use that information to learn and overthink "mindfully" sort of

Worked a treat! Passed my second test no problem

I have to say I also agree lessons alone is not enough practice you need to be driving as much as possible

My ex used to take me out driving as much as possible, we'd also do things like go to the empty car parks of a weekend on the army base where we lived and practice the manoeuvres too he'd even chalk out "road markings" for me to practice these, we'd use nearby items (cones not being used, bins etc) to place as representing cars I had to park between etc

Helped a lot

There's also an old learning to drive adage :

As a learner you learn to pass the test, once you've passed the test THEN you learn to drive!

It's a shame you have nobody you can do this with - is there really nobody?

Is there not even anyone who would drive you to an unused area you can practice in without them in the car? You only need someone in the car on public roads

**realise i forgot to NC but who cares... Haha I do have a relative with a car but they keep yelling at me and would never let me drive it unsupervised so doing more harm than good.

How did you find a specialised instructor? I've seen other threads on here mention one, I searched online but all I got was the normal driving schools with the generic 'nervous drivers don't worry our friendly instructors blah2'
Might try calling them all up and asking if they have an instructor who specialises in nervous drivers.

I wouldn't say my instructor is bad. He does explain things to me, is generally calm, etc. I think though that I need someone who actually addresses the real problem (that I get really anxious and fuck up), not just a normal instructor. Don't know whether I'm correct or just trying to make excuses.